welcome to my mind

Bathroom renno

2012-01-03T07:57:00.004-06:00

So during these past long weekends, I decided to tackle the bathroom I've hated since we moved in. The storage pieces in there were too big and we couldn't have an outside cloth shower curtain. Plus I had thought painting a bathroom sunshine yellow was what you did but that is so 70s. We also didn't have any towel bars. We had been hanging our towels on the back of the door, which, when open, doesn't allow the towels to dry properly and they get smelly and crunchy. Ew.

So I took it upon myself to turn it into a place I would be happy in which to evacuate.

before

after

before sink area

after sink area

before bathtub

after bathtub

after shelves

christmas haul

2011-12-24T22:44:00.002-06:00

yes, christmas came early to the richardson household. my sister wanted to have sunday off so we did the festivities today. here's what i got:

1. making handmade Books by alisa golden (mother-n-law)
2. socks appeal by brenna maloney (mom)
3. two joann gift cards (yes!) (mom and m-n-l)
4. a little notepad set (m-n-l)
5. historic photos of university of michigan by michael chmura (dad)
6. calendar of italian adverts from the 40s (sister)
7. silver dangley earrings (mom)
8. two glade candels (mom)
9.jaffa chocolate bar (scott)
10. gel inserts for shoes
11. audrey hepburn box set (m-n-l)
12. chocolate covered cherries and chocolate liqueurs (mom)
13. tshirt that said "i like to fart" (scott)
14. iPhone (scott)

the car debacle, part 2342

2011-12-24T22:42:00.001-06:00

sigh. the fun never stops at the richardson household. here's the latest story of the CrashMobile:

a couple of weeks ago, i got hit by a chick coming out of an alley. i don't know if i told you about this crash meeting. ;) she hit the passenger side (the usual spot) but not nearly as bad as the last bout of damage. still, it's abut $3400 worth of crinkles. sigh.

so, i drop the car off a week later. get a car rental from enterprise. they got this sweet volvo hard-top convertible that was unexpectedly dropped off at their location and they gave me a great rate on it (not that i'm paying for the whole thing, but still) so i took it. it was a weird car to drive, you sit low and there are blind spots every where. i guess i'm getting old in my car taste. and this car feels huge, even though i don't think it's any bigger than the Mazda. anyway, i drive it to a train stop yesterday because i have my christmas party and i'm going to get out early and i was planning on doing some shopping. then, during the day, i get this great idea to meet scott in lincoln square and hang out with him and get some indian food and have a great time. i was dressed to the nines and i wanted to enjoy being out.

so we meet at a record shop at 4:30. he says, "we have to go home to get my cell phone." ok, good thing i forgot to pay the meter. but the bigger mistake was letting him drive home. he doesn't like the car for the same reasons i don't, but he's not a very versatile driver. our new plan was for me to wait in the car while he runs up and gets his phone. then we would go back to LS. so he goes to pull into a large parking spot in front of the house and he jumps the curb with the front passenger side tire. i think he's done some damage to the ground effects, but when i open my door i hear, "ssssssssssssssssss." he blew the front tire.

now this in itself isn't a big deal. i already knew that our night plans were shot, so i told him his penance was to pay for our ordered-out indian food while i called AAA. 45 minutes the AAA guy comes. i go outside and hang out with this guy (scott had an "errand" to run. won't discuss over email, but you can probably figure it out). he's trying to open the hatch that we think the spare is in. it's hex-wrenched closed, so that's not a good sign. after about 20 minutes, we realize that there's no spare. there's no room for a spare. because it's hard-top convertible, it wasn't designed with a spare.

by this time i'm laughing my ass off. in the 800 times i've had a rental car, i've never blown a tire. i've never needed any road side assistance whatsoever. then my husband drives a nice luxury car with no spare for 10 minutes and blows the tire out. and he says, "this is exactly why we can't have nice things."

so i call enterprise's roadside assistance and tell them the story. they now have to do a "tow-trade," which means that they have to tow another car to our place from the O'Hare enterprise (the only one that's open) and tow the volvo away. sigh. i ask for a smaller sedan, like a mid-size or a compact. 120 minutes later, a tow truck shows up with a (get this) CROWN VICTORIA! really? the tow guy said they can't downgrade so i got a comparable full-size car. sheesh. the dude on the phone never told me that. of course, he never said what kind of car i was getting.

so, annoying story longer, we now have a crown vic. tomorrow, i plan on going to enterprise and trading it in for a smaller car, or else that boat of a vehicle is going to sit in that space for 2 weeks because i'm afraid i'll never find another spot big enough for it.

some day this will all end. i'm not sure when, but soon. right?

my part-time past #4

2011-12-01T21:42:00.002-06:00

my next gig was in ann arbor in the fall of 1993. me and 4 of my closest friends had procured a 5 bedroom apartment in Kerrytown, which was way the hell off campus, but it was great. down the street was zingerman's, the city's coolest deli. it's where all of the jewish students (and non-jewish, too) took their families when they came into town. they had fresh baked bread, great cheeses and sauces, and sandwiches that would blow your socks off. they also had a building next door which was their coffee shop.

annette got a job in coffee shop. she usually closed so i would go and hang out and bug her and her coworkers while i studied or just watching people or ate my weight's worth of Gemini Rocks the House (fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil on toasted farm bread). annette would eat chocolate covered espresso beans and make lattes for customers. it seemed like the perfect college job. she told me that they needed help in the mornings and i should apply. so i did.

jennifer was the morning manager. i would come into work at 5:30am and help set up and work until 3pm. yeah, that sucked. for a college student, 5:30 is bed time, not morning. i would stumble down the cobbled street before sunrise, blearily make iced tea and coffee, set up the pastry case, and wait for the first customers. and they would come. locals who got up that time every day to get their coffee or cappuccino. during the week wasn't so bad, but it was the weekends that killed me. so many people. and i would get one 20 break for lunch, which i'm pretty sure is illegal, but i got free sandwiches, so who cares.

i learned the ways of the espresso machine. it was all manual. burned milk if you didn't pay attention. the drinks didn't have descriptive names, which made it a little harder. had to remember drinks like "sarah's green grasshopper," which i think was a peppermint hot cocoa. i learned how to make a cappuccino and a latte. how to tell if you were burning the milk by the sound of the steam. and by the smell. barf.

it was also my first foray into the gay community. anthony and shelly were both gay. shelly was older than us, like 27, had gone to eastern or UM for art and now work at zingerman's full time. anthony was also older, but only by a couple of years. he grew up in a town next to the one i grew up in, so we would laugh about how small everything there was. anthony and annette were good friends, so i saw him a lot. he was so funny, not very tall, bleach blond hair, huge brown eyes, would sway when he talked to you.

shelly lived and breathed zingerman's. they wanted me to work more hours, but i couldn't with my class schedule. when finals came up, they scheduled me during a studio session that i needed before my class was over. in art, you didn't study, you made stuff, you had projects, that could take days to complete. you also fought for computers and studio time, so every minuted counted. i tried to find someone to work for me, but to no avail. i called jennifer up to tell her that i wasn't going to be coming in and she said, "i guess you worked your last day." i guess i had. it was december 1993. it had been two months since i started.

a few months later, jennifer asked annette if i wanted to come back. i guess she told annette that i was a good worker and that she missed me. that kind of vilified my firing, but i still didn't come back.

i don't think i got another job for the remainder of the school year.

my part-time past #3

2011-12-01T21:14:00.003-06:00

this job isn't really retail, but it was totally awesome.

after i started hanging out with mike, i met his brother, ron, and cousin, dan. (actually, i met ron before kris moved to texas, but whatever.) they were the trifecta of cool. ron was the assistant manager of the Jake's Pizza on Schaumburg and Plum Grove Road. we would hang out there until they closed (midnight on weekends) and then we would head over to the pool hall across the street with various other people who worked at jakes, steve the manager, eric, one of ron and mike's closest friends, ben and ryan. ryan got busted for making 900 calls during work one time. actually, over several months, but that's neither here nor there. and, last but not least, dave.

dave was a pizza maker, as was ben and ryan. dan was the only delivery driver. one day i asked if they wanted another driver and they said sure. so away we went. i got paid a paltry sum and i kept all of my tips. i had just gotten a car and i needed to pay for it somehow... why not by driving it all around Schaumburg?

the best parts of the job were the free pizza and the company. i loved working with steve, hanging out until there was delivery. and because it was the summer, we would just hang out in the parking lot listening to whomever's latest sound system as loud as possible. i remember wearing my hypercolor shirt and my cut off jean shorts to work. after work, we would go play pool or hang out at mike and ron's house. or eric's sister's place in barrington. we would watch beavis and butthead, go to the 7-11 and get big gulps, watch really strange movies, drive into chicago. it was just a bunch of 19-year-olds with cars, money, and no curfew. one time i hung out with ron and kris until the sun came up. my dad was NOT pleased.

in addition to delivering pizzas, i remember walking around in the pouring rain, trying to find the right apartment in this huge complex. steve had maps of all of the apartment complexes we delivered to so we wouldn't have to drive around looking for crap all the time. in the rain, though, sometimes it's still hard to find places. dan had a cell phone (and a newton. he was cutting edge), so he could call if he got lost. me, not so much. i don't think i ever had to abandon a delivery, but that rainy day, i came close. people were always surprised to see a delivery chick. i didn't carry any mace or anything like that. no one really gave me the creepy vibe that i remember. it was just an awesome job.

i kept that job and the limited until i went back to school.

up next: Zingerman's Next Door

my part-time past #2

2011-12-01T20:49:00.003-06:00

I started working at The Limited in 1991. the only reason i can think of why i would work there is because one of my friends was working there and told me to apply. so i did. this was in the day of the black lacquer and gold Limited. the old lady catsuits and silk button-down shirts. basically, cougars shopped there. it was after Outback Red but it was before Limited Too and Structure.

i hated to sell, which wasn't a big deal because we didn't work on commission there. but they did check sales regularly. the key was to sell three things for a $50 sale. socks. always add socks. accessories. some people were really good at it. but i, who could barely dress myself, really didn't understand why i should force people to buy crap they wouldn't want. and i hated it when people bugged me in the dressing room every 5 minutes. "hey, this shirt would look great with those pants!" yeah, if i wanted that shirt, i would have grabbed it. sometimes i lucked out and got some kid shopping for school clothes.

my friend didn't stay on too long, but i soldiered on. i got better at the longer i stayed there. i got the feel for people who really needed help and those who just didn't want to be bothered. one time i sold clothes to a blind woman. i kid you not. i also got to work through a remodel, which was interesting. i also developed my first work crush on Kris, one of the stock boys. i would find any reason to go back there. i would watch him as he brought out racks of clothes, swept the floor, cleaned windows. he worked in the back with his friend, mike. both of those boys were insufferable flirts, kris more of the silent type, mike more of the gushing type. i vaguely remember some of my coworkers. kelly, who only worked register. helena who was a manager. terri brennan, who was a display manager. i actually saw her in joann fabrics a few months ago. that was wild. natalie, who was also a manager. she used to be a regular at my starbucks in lincoln park 5 years ago. she had seen Skinny Puppy in concert and i was jealous. liz, whom i think had a kidney transplant, but was too embarrassed to tell anyone. she was hyper-sensitive to anything that might separate her from being popular, but no one really liked her. she was really nice, tho. she gave me a gift of a stuffed rabbit as a going away present before i went to college. pat and dave poncher, both stock boys, whom i think were never not high when they were at work. tom, another stock boy.

it was at this point in my life i was really developing my musical tastes. mike and kris had a lot of influence on me in that department. PWEI, James, KMFDM, NIN, Utah Saints, New Order, Prodigy. i used to go to the back room just to hear what music they would be playing. i ended up hanging out with mike and pat and dave outside of work several times. mike took me under his wing after kris broke my heart and moved away. he introduced to me his circle of friends, including cancer dave. but that's my next job.

i worked at The Limited for a long time. i went to college and worked at The Limited at Briarwood in Ann Arbor. They had such a small store that it wasn't really like working at all. the only pisser is that i had to take a bus to work everyday. i came back home for the summer after freshman year and tried to get a "real job." once i crashed my dad's car going to the first day of my ad solicitation job, i went crawling back to The Limited. i worked stock and register only, but i could sell pretty well. i did everything and knew everything, so it was just an easy gig. that's when i met pat and dave and tom. i kicked ass in the stock room, too.

eventually left when i went back to college for my sophomore year. but that wasn't the only job i had that summer.

up next: pizza delivery girl.

my part-time past #1

2011-12-01T20:15:00.005-06:00

i have been working since i was 16. that's 21 years of contributing to the GNP and social security. it's pretty depressing, actually.

so my first job was at a game store. It was called Games by James and it was in Woodfield mall. i think it was 1989, around October. my boyfriend at the time, Rob, was already working there and he hooked me up. i still had to interview, but Chuck, the store manager, hired me. Chuck was pretty cool. Laid back, didn't really care about too much, but he didn't let us run the whole place into the ground. we were one of two stores, the other being in Yorktown mall in Lombard.

I didn't drive yet, so my parents had to pick me up and drop me off. sometimes i hitched a ride with Rob, other times other people drove me home. i think i made $4.50 an hour. we sold... well, games. board games, puzzles, playing cards, DD books and dice, poker felts, chess, metal bar puzzles, and darts. we had a radio that would play tapes. when we got really bored, we would break out the metal tip darts and throw them at the board that we had hanging on the wall. let's just say that there were a lot of holes around that board, with a bunch of 16-year-olds running the place. i remember the christmas rush, standing around with a bunch of people, showing them how to play games. it was pretty sweet.

i vaguely remember my coworkers. shannon, chuck. dave, jim, another dave, pam and dale (who were the owners), tony. shannon had a twin sister and a celeca convertible that her grandmother bought for her. dave was mexican and a total flirt who introduced me to some cool dance music. jim sexually harassed me and i told chuck, who i think had him fired. pam smoked like a chimney in the back room and reminded me of my mom. dale was a real tight wad when it came to money. they had a son who had a deformed hand. dave, the stock guy, had a wicked stutter, but he was the coolest guy ever. and eric, dave's brother, who worked next door at Electronics Boutique. eric was 28, but looked like he was about 18. dave and eric nelson. i wonder what happened to them?

i worked there until it closed down in Woodfied. the rent had been raised so much that it couldn't stay open. so pam and dale offered jobs at their other store. dave nelson was already the stock guy at both stores. dave gonzalez and i decided to do the drive to lombard. this may have been the summer before i went to college, so 1992. i was also working at my next retail job. The Limited.

unspoken rules of starbucks

2011-11-02T14:25:00.014-05:00

i am going to let you all in on the little secrets of starbucks. this may help you to avoid glares or attitude that you might be experiencing at your local store.

behavior that will get you decaffed*:

1. talking on your phone when you order. you don't have to hang up, but at least give us your full attention when you are ordering. and make sure the transaction is over and done before you go back to your inane conversation. i don't want to have to repeat your order 500 times before you finally look me in the eye and listen to what i'm saying. and i sure as shit don't want you coming back and saying that i got your order wrong 'cause you couldn't stop talking about that sore that just won't heal.

2. being an asshole. this is kind of a given. yes, we know you go to starbucks everyday and that you think you're quite the big cheese, but i don't give a fuck what you want to drink when you spit it out at me like i'm something you wouldn't even scrape off your shoe. oh, you want a quad shot of espresso to get through all of the hostage negotiating that you have to do tonight? too bad. decaf!

3. adding unnecessary modifiers to your drink. i'm sure we're all supposed to be impressed that you've got us jumping like a bunch of monkeys, putting in your half of a splenda and 2 pumps of this and 2 pumps of that with half soy and half whole milk. but chances are, you're just gonna end up with a decaf latte made with 2% because that's what we have handy. and you won't know the damn difference.

things that just irritate people who work at starbucks:

1. coming in 2 minutes before we close and ordering 5 drinks. really? you want 3 frapuccinos at 8:27pm? i'll get right on that.

2. people who don't have their orders ready. you've been standing in line for about 20 minutes. you get to the counter... and stand there for 5 minutes, agonizing over your drink decision. did you forget where you were? this isn't the line for the bus, lady. there are about 10 people behind you who know what they want, so chop-chop. oh, and you've probably been to starbucks 100 times. you should know the damn menu by now.

3. people who don't have their money ready. imagine that you're waiting behind someone for about 5 minutes. you've got your sweaty $2 in your hand, ready to order your tall coffee. the girl in front of you orders her grande in a venti cup nonfat no foam chai. then she spends the next 5 minutes rummaging around in her 50 gallon purse for $5.64 in change to pay. really, honey? you couldn't have had that ready? no one likes standing in line, but for the love of god, could you think about someone else's misery for 5 seconds and get your shit together?

4. people who say, "i'll have a (insert drink name here)" without specifying a size. yes, i know our sizes are kooky, but we also accept the standard small, medium and large. and don't look at us like we've just asked you what the capital of Kenya is. you only have three choices. (ok, the trenta is a new size, but only 4 drinks come in that size.)

5. people who say, "i'll have a breakfast sandwich." ok, we only have 6 to choose from. this one chick today ordered just that and looked shocked when we asked her which one she wanted. like any other food establishment could get by on having something just called "a breakfast sandwich." mmm, sounds vague.

6. throwing your money down on the counter, especially when i have my hand out ready to receive it. are you blind? are you too good to actually hand me your hard-earned greenbacks? unless your a native of japan, where it's standard to not hand money directly to someone, please just place it my outstretched hand. oh, and that handful of wadded up singles you just dug out of your jeans? you're going to stand there and wait while i smooth them all out before i give you your change.

7. do not, under any circumstances, reach over or behind the bar to get anything. if you see something you want, like those little green stoppers, please ask. don't reach for cups or lids or anything that might cause you to drag your dirty-ass sleeves across/in our sanitized drink area. gross. nothing like a pumpkin spice pump with hair stuck to it.

8. talls in venti cups. really? you hate the taste of coffee that bad that you need to put that much cream and sugar in it? oh, don't worry, milk doesn't cost us anything, just go ahead and have 8oz of it. for free.

9. modifiers after i've cashed you out. oh, you wanted sugar-free syrup in your coffee? well, it's 50 cents extra. and if you think you're going to get it for free just because you already paid, guess again, cheapskate.

10. anyone who orders "coffee with 4 creams and 2 sugars." this isn't dunkin fucking donuts. you put your own damn stuff in your own coffee, thank you very much.

11. anyone who wants a steamed topper on anything. our coffee is 200 degrees. but making us pour 8oz of milk in a pitcher and steam it to 160 will certainly make a difference versus just a little bit of cold soy or milk. and we don't charge for toppers either. oh, and the cold milk? it's over there on the bar by the door.

12. people who come in and spread their shit everywhere for 6 hours and don't buy a damn thing. hey, that internet isn't free to us, you know. go watch your uTube somewhere else. this isn't the goddamnned public library. every day our cafe is filled with people who buy a $1.65 coffee and sit FOR HOURS and surf the net. FILLED. as in, no more seats. SRO. as in, people who actually purchased food and drink who want to sit have to go somewhere else.

13. asking for water. if you ordered anything, fine. order the water with your drink. but if you just come in and ask for a water, we will turn you away. our plastic cups are one of the most expensive things in the store, so we're not just give you water because you can't find a drinking fountain.

14. refill rule: if you buy a coffee, sit down and hang out, and then come back to the counter for more coffee, it's 55 cents. if you get a coffee, leave the store and come back hours later with your nasty-ass cup with dregs of brown watery sludge in the bottom, you'll get our standard cup discount, 10 cents off full price. and don't bother arguing with us. since the turn-over in our store is practically nil, we know who's been here and who left. and when you have your jacket on, it's a dead giveaway that you haven't been sitting around in our cafe.

15. if english isn't your first language, we may ask you repeat your order several times to make sure we got it right. please don't get angry at us. and if we repeat your order and then you nod, we assume you understood us. don't come back after you've gotten the drink and pantomime frantically that it wasn't what you wanted. we're trying our best with your limited capability with our language. and we'll make the drink over, if we can understand you.

16. not paying attention to when we close the store (this goes along with #1, but i don't feel like renumbering them all). our store now closes at 8:30. we will give you at least a 10 minute warning so you can clean up your shit. when we say we close at 8:30, that doesn't mean that 8:30 is when you finally stand up and start getting your stuff together. that means you're out the door and on your way somewhere else. and don't look so surprised when we announce we're closing. it's clearly posted right next to the door. it's not our fault you don't pay attention.

17. not getting your drink when it's called. if you are the only one waiting, it's not a big deal if you don't grab it right away. but if there's a line of people waiting and you don't hear us call your drink because you're off gabbing on your phone or to your friend, chances are someone is going to grab it accidentally. and nothing makes a barista more nervous when we see an unclaimed drink. did we mess something up? is there another drink that we missed in lieu of this abandoned one? and having to remake a drink during a rush really ruins our flow. we also love to yell across the store "grande nonfat latte!!" a hundred times. no, really.

the same goes for food. if you order and toasted bagel and then sit down, you better be ready to jump up and grab it when call it or we're going to let it sit there and get cold. pay a-fucking-ttention.

18. it's not a big deal that you can't remember the order that your 8-step drink goes in. that's our job. just let us know what you want, pay, and move on. especially if there's a line behind you.

19. people who leave behind a mess. i don't get upset when people leave actual dishes, like plates and mugs, on the tables, but drink cups and napkins should be thrown away by able-bodied people. and the bar where you pour your half and half? could you at least try to throw your napkins and torn sugar packets in that hole in the middle? and would it kill you to put the carafes back where you got them? and, instead of pouring half of your coffee into the trash, ask us next time to leave a little room. thanks.

i'm sure there's more, but that pretty much covers it for today. for the most part, the customers we get are great regulars that we know by name and hang out with and chat up. it's the non-regulars that throw a wrench in the works from time to time. this woman came in today and asked for a "skinny latte." the girl at the register asked her if she wanted syrup in it or just a nonfat latte. she explained that "skinny" usually meant sugar-free syrup and skim milk. "oh, i didn't know that!" like we were the ones who didn't know what we were talking about. and i certainly hope that her regular starbucks had been letting her get away with that order this whole time.

please also keep in mind that just because we're working at starbucks, we're not dumb worker drones. i have never met anyone who has chosen starbucks as their first career choice. several of the people i work with have one, if not several, degrees and are working on other projects outside of the cafe. we are in the customer service sector, yes, and we will be as cordial to you as humanly possible. but please don't assume that we are hear to cater to all of your whims and demands because we are wearing the apron. don't make us hate wearing that apron.

thanks and have a good afternoon.

* instead of regular espresso, we give you decaf espresso. we don't brew decaf coffee after noon, so it would be too conspicuous to do for coffee. so if you drink coffee, i guess you can be as big of a jerk as you want.

haunted road trip

2011-10-13T19:38:00.031-05:00

my sister and i went on a road trip to decatur, IL. decatur is 30 miles southwest of champaign, really out in the middle of nowhere. my sister, who is heavy into the paranormal, did her research and decided that this town was both haunted enough and close enough to deserve a trip. it was her birthday present from me.

DAY 1: 11 OCT 11
she had a doctor's appointment at 11:30, so we weren't going to be able to leave early anyway. i slept in, packed, ran some errands, got my tips from the SB, got lunch and then picked her up. we got on the road around 1:30, about an hour after i wanted.

it's never easy getting out of the city, even at 1:30pm on a tuesday afternoon. we finally got on 57 south around 2 or so. first stop: sonic in champaign. we got there around 4pm. (yes, i like to speed.) i got tots and a cherry limeade and a cave tot toy. shannon got a pumpkin pie shake. it was amazing.

we got into decatur about 5pm. we stopped into target to get some snacks. then we headed off to find our hotel for the night. we ended up at the Decatur Conference Center. it was ok, nothing spectacular. free wireless, which was the only necessity of our sleeping arrangements. that, and two beds, of course.

anyway, we got our room and then headed out to check out the town. we found Greenwood Cemetery first, after much driving around like idiots. it's tucked away in a neighborhood, not really on a main drag. we drove until we found the back entrance. we could see headstones outlines against the sky, which was pretty cool, but not the way to get in. then we managed, with the help of shannon's android we managed to find the actual entrance. of course, it being 7pm, the gate was closed.

we drove around the town and Miliken University a bit, then, when i drove to get back onto the main road to go back to our hotel, we drove past a cemetery right in the middle of town. "hey, there's one," i said. and the gate was open. so we drove in.

we drove up over a hill so the car wouldn't be seen from the road. we got out and i got out my tripod and took some pictures. it was pretty sweet to be in a cemetery at night, especially when it's 70 degrees outside.

calvary cemetery

after we left the cemetery, we went back to the hotel. shannon grabbed her laptop and we headed down to the sports bar to get something for dinner and to blog about the day. fried pickles, nachos and watching Detroit beat the Rangers in post-season baseball and the night was complete. we actually went to sleep at 1am, after dicking around and an episode of Ghost Adventures on the laptop.

DAY 2: 12 Oct 11
woke up at 10am. got our crap together and headed to IHOP for breakfast. cinnamon-slathered pancakes and some bacon later, we crossed the street to... HOBBY LOBBY! one hour and several items later, we got something to quench our thirst and headed down to Greenwood Cemetery. it was 1pm. as we passed the Lincoln Square Theater, we noticed that they were having a flu shot clinic at 4pm. at least we would be able to get inside, since it didn't look like it was currently functioning as a theater.

Greenwood Cemetery is amazingly huge and beautiful. it took us a while to figure out what entrance we had encountered the night before, that's how large it is. it's nestled into a series of hills, which makes casually wandering around a workout, but the contour is a welcome change to the flatness that surrounds the area. the internet had compared this cemetery to Bachelor's Grove, but it's nothing like that old, neglected afterthought of a cemetery. we spent an hour here, until the winds picked up substantially and the rain started. then we headed off to thrift.

it was 2pm. we had a few hours to kill before the Lincoln was going to open. we stopped into a small thrift store that closed at 3pm, so then we decided to go to an antique mall we had seen advertised at our hotel.

Wabash Antique Mall

(two hours later...)

we emerged, blinking into the bright sunlight. this is what day looks like? yeah, the place was amazing. it was set into the old train depot and they had left the building intact, down to the ticket booth and the back offices. i managed to just buy a bag, shannon bought a shot glass and a few other things. it was a total time-suck, but we finally escaped, because they were closing.

so we head to the Lincoln Square Theater. on the main drag of town, it is a prominent feature of the area. with the typical 20s marquee sign, it was a pretty cool building. we went inside, where there were five people hanging out and eating. one was the CVS flu rep, who looked to be no older than 21. the other four were people from the theater. we explained that we didn't really want a flu shot, but that we were hoping to get some pics of the theater, since it was open.

well, we lucked out. turns out that one of the people there was a web designer and the other two women were board members of the theater (the fourth was just some guy who ended up leaving soon after we arrived). the women were going to be giving the web guy (who was easily in his 60s) a tour of the place and we could tag along. sweet!

so we went into the auditorium. on the stage, was a blue light. a Ghost Light, one of the women said. 'cause ghosts need light, evidently. yes, this place is super-haunted, which is why we were there. i got some nice shots of the house from stage, then we went up into the mezzanine and balcony, which was pretty awesome. the place is amazingly huge.

Lincoln Square Theater

by this time, we were absolutely starving. we had never stopped to eat lunch and now it was almost 6pm. we were told of a little street just parallel to Main Street that used to be where the brothels and saloons were. on the corner was a pizza place that used to be a jewelry store that was haunted. i guess we knew where we were going to get dinner!

14" thin crust pepperoni and two diet pepsis later, we decided to head back to the hotel, change into dark clothing, grab our flashlights and check out some cemeteries located out on the rural roads. those are usually the coolest, oldest cemeteries. before we went to the antique mall, we had stopped in a gas station to use the facilities and i had taken notice of a map of the city on the wall. the cemeteries were marked and i noticed a lot more than what we had listed from the internet. we bought a map and planned accordingly.

but we wanted to visit one cemetery first. we arrived around 7pm. it was well past dusk, but there was still some light in the sky. i don't know how many of you have encountered this, but some people leave lights on the graves, which makes for a strange sight in the dark. they are usually solar powered and some hang from poles or are placed into the ground.

grave lights

this butterfly changed colors. notice the other grave lights in the background.

we hung out here for about half an hour and then headed back to our hotel to change. i was currently wearing a white hoodie, and i imagine my figure from the road must look a little strange. and we really didn't want any extra attention from the townsfolk.

our next stop was Salem Cemetery.

this stop was a little unnerving because it was next to a very well-lit church. sure, we could have parked in the parking lot, but then that would have been quite obvious, wouldn't it? so we drove around to a side road and parked there. of course, this was also obvious to drivers-by, but hopefully there weren't going to be a whole lot of those.

we snuck under the white plastic fence. there was actually an open gate by the parking lot, but we didn't want to walk all the way around. my sister was a little freaked out by the floodlights, but i assured her that there wasn't anyone in the church, since the parking lot was empty and there weren't any lights on in the church. we hung out here for about 30 minutes, then took off to our other destination.

hudelson cemetery was our next stop, about 2.5 miles down the road. let me preface this by saying... there's nothing out here. it's flat and boring and there are a smattering of farmhouses, but nothing much in the way of civilization. we were the only car on the road. it was also raining.

we turn down this road and manage to find a sign for the cemetery.

we saw this sign in the dark. photo from graveyards.com, taken by Angie Johnson

this is where the actual cemetery was

but we couldn't see the cemetery. or a road. the car-sized "path" is next to a plot of farmland and a copse of trees. i told shannon that i didn't really want to go down there without a 4-wheel drive car. so we ended up turning around and heading to our next cemetery.

brown cemetery was next on our creepy tour. it was a little hard to find, but we persevered and managed to find it ok. again, no locked cemetery gate or fence, so we drove on in and got out. it was almost 9pm.

brown cemetery

what was annoying about this cemetery was the farm next door. it was making this incredibly loud vacuum noise the entire time we were there. i kept hoping it would stop, but nope. it was nice to finally get in the car and close the doors.

our next stop was Muirheid Cemetery. this one was going to be a repeat of hudelson cemetery... a no show. after looking for it in google maps, this is why:

hello? muirheid cemetery?

as much as i love tromping through people's yards to get to strange, obscured cemeteries, i wasn't about to do it in the dark in a city where people love their guns. but after seeing this sign posted on graveyards.com, we should have come back during the day.

from graveyards.com, taken by Angie Johnson

so we called it a night and headed back to the hotel for more fried pickles and some dessert and a beer. and the rest of the play off games.

DAY 3: 13 OCT 11
woke up at 10:30. damn black-out curtains. plus, it was cloudy and rainy. our plan for the day was to head back to Calvary Cemetery then hit the road. we packed and got out around 11am. we hung out at Calvary for about 40 minutes.

Calvary Cemetery

the only mausoleum in the cemetery

so then we left town, after a quick stop to starbucks, of course. our next stop: Curtis Orchards in Champaign.

curtis orchards

they have a u-pick orchard and a pumpkin patch. they also have a very large metal indian with a bow and arrow, wearing a loincloth with his man parts removed. of course, i looked!

large metal indian

large metal indian's missing junk

anyway, we were overwhelmed with the amount of tasty goodness this place had. butters, preserves, spreads, corns of all types, teas, baked goods like pies, donuts. and the apples. oh, the apples. the u-pick was only golden delicious and gold rush apples, so we didn't go out into the orchard. but they had all sorts of other apples in the store, including honey crisp, which i snapped up in a champaign minute.

then we went out back, where the indian and the pumpkins were. we picked up some pie pumpkins and some gourds.
"
pie pumpkins!

"
easy-to-carry gourd

i spent $40 on all sorts of goodies. then we went to the petting zoo. the petting zoo consisted of goats and some ducks. kind of a crappy petting zoo, if you ask me. but nobody did, so away we went!

my haul from the orchard

you may see us all the time in local park!

fee-ee-ee-eed us!

after the orchard, we hit sonic again. i got another dino tot (this time i got a raptor tot). then the 2.5 hour drive back to the city. the rain hit us at about 75th and the Dan Ryan and really started coming down when we were on LSD by Wacker. the traffic sucked, but i managed to get home by 6, to a snuggly husband and left-over deep dish pizza. :)

blog post

2011-09-30T22:48:00.000-05:00

i have a hard time keeping this blog up. not that i'm going to stop after 6 years. wait. 6 years? damn. my blog is older than several of my friend's kids. and i treat it like a red-headed step-child.

anyway. here's what's going on my life:

1. i am working part-time at starbucks.
2. i am attempting to lose the weight that i gained in sept 2008 when i started taking my antidepressant. or when a neighbor introduced me to monkey bread. whichever is more plausible.
3. fin is 8 months old. he is driving us crazy.
4. it's now fall and i very sad to see summer go. i didn't use my hammock nearly enough.
5. i have more pairs of pants than any one girl should have. and only about 25% of them fit. and another 25% aren't suitable for winter.
6. i also have about 10 hoodies/cardigans.
7. i love thrift shopping. please see #5 & #6.
8. i had a dream about my dead childhood friend. it always throws me for a loop when that happens. i think i have an adult crush on him.
9. i feel the same way about the dead childhood friend dreams that i do when i dream about my ex boyfriend.
10. scott and i have lived together for 5 years and his cat still won't give me the time of day. maybe i should buy him a watch.
11. i have taken two spin classes and have lived to tell the tale. see #2.
12. right now i am watching "The Golden Child" with my husband. and i just LOLed.
13. i am still knitting up a storm, but i am finding it even harder to keep up my knitting blog than this thing.
14. i now have a kitten licking my hands. while i type. its a precursor to biting.
15. i want to make a difference in this shitty world, but i have a feeling that selling coffee isn't going to cut it.
16. sigh.
17. sometimes i wish i would get knocked up, despite how much a rant about kids on this blog.
18. i don't like this new blogger interface. it says that i can switch back to the old interface, but i know it's just a lie, like yahoo and facebook. i'll switch back and then they'll just change it anyway. ps. i had to go back and put in html tags because the "new" interface doesn't just do what i type. assholes.
19. i haven't talked to my friend jeff in a really long time. i miss him and the last time i called him, he said he would call me back. he still hasn't.
20. my old professor, amr, unfriended me on facebook and i have to admit, it kinda bugged me. part of me wondered if he unfriended me because he's friends with my ex.
21. sometimes i check out my ex's facebook page. his security settings are for shit.
22. sometimes i look for other exes on facebook. part of me thinks that if they aren't on there by now, they never will be... until they have kids.
23. none of my exes that i have kept in touch with have kids yet. i like to think that i broke them.
24. sometimes i want to call my grandma and then i remember that she's dead.
25. i still feel guilty that i never went to see my dead childhood friend before he died. i was living in michigan at the time and could have easily driven the hour to see him.
26. i was looking to buy plane tickets to fly down to see my grandma on her 90th birthday. i was too cheap so i didn't get any tickets. she got sick that night at her party and died three days later.
27. if i would have known they were having a party for her, i would have probably bought the damn tickets to be there.
28. this blog post has gone on longer than i thought it would.

dear managers/directors/CEOs

2011-09-21T18:27:00.006-05:00

this post isn't going to win me any accolades from people who have the authority to hire, but it needs to be said.

you hire people to do a job. a job in your company. a job that obviously needs to be done by someone or else you wouldn't be hiring. maybe it's a job that you once did, but chances are, you need someone to do something that you can't do yourself. just because you don't know exactly how they do this job doesn't mean THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING. instead of shitting on them every chance you get, why don't you try to appreciate the job that you hired them to do? instead of looking over their shoulders, micromanaging and calling meetings every single time they make a mistake, why don't you sit back and ask yourself, "are they doing what i hired them to do? is it MY failing as a shitty manager/director/CEO that is making them second-guess the job that they're doing? is shit getting done? are the mistakes that they've been making something that's attributable to my hovering? are they mistakes that anyone would make? are these mistakes detrimental to the job?"

yes, you are responsible for this person's output and what they produce. but you also have your own job to do. but, if you're a manager or director, chances are you have someone above you who is (or has done) the same thing to you: belittled you, bullied you, made you think that the job you're doing is sub-par. so you feel that it's your managerial duty to do the same.

it's got. to. stop.

you are a fucking manager. have the balls to say what you mean and mean what you say. if your "underling" isn't doing the job requested, then say something. say something straight-forward and to the point. a good manager would say, "your project isn't coming along because of x, y, z. here's why/how i can help/what you should be doing." a bad manager wouldn't say anything, maybe give the person enough rope to hang themselves with, and then report it to HR, never really having said anything to the employee. this is what happened to me.

the only reason that people do this kind of passive-aggressive crap is because of a few reasons:
1. you know you're a crappy manager, but you'll fight tooth and nail to keep your job and your "important" status (not to mention the salary), and you'll be damned if you're gonna let a piece of shit under you get in your way;
2. you have no self-esteem and think that every request from ABOVE needs to be followed, no questions asked. then you dump it on your "assistant's" plate, no matter how much other crap they have to do or if it's just glorified busy work that you wouldn't even give to a college freshman;
3. you make the same damn mistakes you're calling your employees out on, but who are they going to complain to?
4. you are related to someone important in the company.

as a former employee, i am tired of this crap. the back-stabbing, the hints dropped that somehow my job is jeopardy, the ability to somehow never give me all of the details that you know about a project, so when i forget something, it makes me look bad. let me tell you something, managers/directors/CEOs: any bad employees are a product of bad management. someone fucked up during hiring, training or supporting. i've had several people tell me that they can't believe that i got fired. i tell them, yes, but i got fired by a shitty manager. and i know i did my job goddamn well.

Maine!

2011-08-29T21:55:00.002-05:00

tomorrow scott and i fly to maine. we had been planning on driving, but we wised up and just bought plane tickets. Jet blue, which means that we have a layover at JFK. huzzah. But we're finally going to maine when the weather isn't going to be 20 below. we're going to visit the alpine slide. scott's grandmothers will be around, so we'll visit with them. i also plan on going to some yarn stores (big surprise). there will also be a beer fest in downtown Portland. $30 is a bit much for someone who doesn't drink, so i don't know if i'll go. who knows. i feel very zen about this trip. what happens happens.

Happy 6th year anniversary!

2011-08-29T21:50:00.002-05:00

I've had this blog for 6 years now. actually, the real start date was 2 August 2005. i'm actually impressed that i've still kept this up. not very well, but it's still here. i was working at McGraw-Hill at the time i started this blog. to complain about the guy i was dating at the time. let's just say that he wasn't very technologically advanced, so he didn't have a blog to reciprocate.

anyway, happy anniversary. here's to another sparse 6 years!

an easy way to piss me off

2011-07-19T16:48:00.004-05:00

tell me that i don't know anything about kids because i don't have them. don't act like a condescending piece of shit by saying, "well, you just don't know." you know what? there are a ton of things you don't know either, but i'm not rubbing your goddamn face in it.

and it's not like i'm running around offering unsolicited advice. actually, i've never offered any advice at all. i may talk about something i'd read or something someone else who has kids has experienced if it's part of the conversation, but you will NEVER hear me say, "you should do xyz because of ."

once, a long time ago, i went to a party with some friends of mine. they brought their three-month old daughter with them. she stayed in her carrier most of the time, no big deal. unfortunately, all anyone at the fucking party wanted to talk about was their goddamn kids. one guy was talking about his kids allergies and all this rot and i tried to talk about how it's hard to test kids under 2 for allergies because their immune systems aren't done developing yet, yadda yadda. he looked at me like, "why are you talking? you don't have kids." and i was getting the same vibe from my friend, who was standing next to me during the conversation.

after trying to join in conversations for about 3 hours and getting the same vibe from everyone, i got pissed and left. and i mean PISSED. don't discount my or my opinion just because i don't have a fucking crotch dropping. i chose not to breed for a reason and i'm not forcing that down your throat, am i? no. i'm trying to talk to you on your level, because i understand that kids take over your life. but don't you dare treat me like something you wouldn't scrape off your shoe because i don't have child.

and my friend? what? you have three months on me? what do you know about toilet training? about walking? about anything beyond three months? NOTHING. so don't sit there and treat me like i'm from another planet. i remember you before you chose to ruin your life.

oh, and they drove home drunk with their 3-month old asleep in the backseat. nice.

another thing i don't get is how hard some people try to have kids, then BITCH ABOUT IT EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY when they finally get here. or even sooner! "oh, look at me! i'm peeing every 5 minutes!" yeah, well, you brought it on yourself. "i never get to shower." so what? would you rather have a shower or a child? you made that choice. the thing is, no one is EVER prepared for how hard it is. and yes, i'm saying that i don't have one. pretty ballsy of me, huh? it's a lot of hard fucking work, a lot of sacrifice. if you're still partying after the kid is born, then you might be doing something wrong. but i don't get the people who have kids, who WANTED kids, and then bitch nonstop about how hard their lives are. you won't get any sympathy from me with that one.

nor will pregnant women. i appreciate a pregnant woman or parent who can have a conversation without once mentioning their predicament. or if they mention they have back pain or any other type of issue like it's just part of the package.

but i guess we're just a nation of whiners. here i am, right? but i long for the days when you just showed up with a big belly and kept on going through life like it was just another thing. Caroline Ingalls sure never made a big deal about being pregnant or raising kids. she probably never made her non-child-having friends feel like shit because they didn't have them.

her name is Marion

2011-07-17T17:26:00.006-05:00

and she is my grandmother. she passed away this morning. this blog is dedicated to the many memories i have of her.

i was born in milwaukee in 1974. she lived in port washington at that time, about a half-hour away. i know i used to go to day care while i lived there, but i also think she used to watch me a lot of the time. i was lucky and spoiled... i was the first grandchild for my grandmother and she lavished a lot of attention on me. i felt just at home at her house as i did my own.

we moved away when i was three and that was the end of the daily dose of grandma. from pennsylvania to michigan, we finally moved only a few hours away in 1988, only to have her move away in 1993 (i think. i may have been sooner). my other cousins who still lived in milwaukee reaped the benefits of having her around more than i did in those in between years. when they moved to florida, my cousins Laura and Stephanie got to make up for the time they had missed with her. all in all, i got the first stab at her being a grandmother, but i think the rest of my cousins all got more time with her than i did. and my poor sister got the total shaft in all of this. she was born after we moved away and really didn't get to know her very well.

i loved her unlike anyone else i have ever loved. grandparents are a weird thing. people who love you so much but don't have the burden of having to discipline you. i mean, when you're little and your parents introduce you to a person they say is your grandma, you believe them, right? and then this strange person lavishes all sort of attention on you, feeds you, hugs you, kisses you, has stuff for you, worries over you, is always over the moon to see you. i don't remember any of this stuff because my grandma had been in my life since day one, but it's still an awesome relationship no matter when your grandparents become part of your life.

over the years as an adult, my grandma and spoke as often as we could, probably once every few months. i loved just shooting the breeze with her, talking about family gossip and the past. i found out that her and my grandpa elmer and her had gone to Riverside Amusement Park in Chicago in the 40s. she also mentioned an old diary she had kept when she was young, like in the 1930s, that she said i could have. she had also sent me a bunch of pictures she had of my parents and of me when i was little. she had no qualms about her age these last few years... she knew eventually she was going to die. she tried to give away as much of her stuff as she could before that could happen. that was just the way she faced life. she wasn't emotional, neither is my mom, neither am i. i can't imagine my great-grandma flossie was a very emotional person either. you just deal with the cards you were dealt, i guess.

anyway, a long blog later, here are some memories i have of being with my grandma:

1. riding my tricycle down the sidewalk in front of her house.
2. being scared to roller skate down the driveway because it was "so steep."
3. sitting on her really hard bed and smelling her perfume, jovan musk.
4. being amazed at the many different cereals she had to choose from.
5. hanging out in her basement when it was too hot to be upstairs.
6. playing hopscotch on the black and white tiles in her basement.
7. having family dinners in the basement because all of us wouldn't fit upstairs.
8. walking with her to the mcdonald's by her house to get an ice cream cone.
9. sleeping in the front bedroom when i was little, with the door open just a crack so i wouldn't be scared. i could hear my parents and grandparents playing cards in the kitchen.
10. sitting on her new, plastic-covered couches
11. not being able to eat anything in the living room because she had just gotten new carpeting
12. her first dog, shoestring. and her second dog, cindy.
13. the old barbie dolls that my aunt linda had left behind when she moved out.
14. going through all of my grandma's old purses to see what she had forgotten to take out. mostly kleenex.
15. the dresser drawer in the back bedroom that was filled with games, coloring books and other random child whatnot.
16. driving downtown to see my grandpa at work.
17. walking along the rocks along Lake Michigan before they built the marina.
18. going up to the bluff and looking down on the town.
19. sitting out on the back porch while my grandpa grilled.
20. going with my grandma to Sentry, where she worked, and having all of the women she worked with gush over how big i was getting.
21. the sweet rolls she would bring home from her job.
22. my grandpa rubbing her feet after a long day at work.
23. my uncles making fun of her because she burned the toast and/or bacon once about 10 years go.
24. watching The Little Mermaid with my younger cousins about a million times.
25. turning on her huge console tv/radio in the living room and having to wait for it to warm up.
26. flying to visit her when i was 5 and forgetting my rain coat on the plane.
27. her coming to visit us in Michigan when my sister was born.
28. calling her on the phone and how happy she always was to hear from me, no matter how long it had been.
29. i loved the smell of her house. coffee, perfume, baby powder, laundry, fresh air. this might sound strange, but our medicine cabinet reminds me of how her house smelled.

there are several hundred more memories i have, but i don't think there is enough time in the world to get them all down. i am sad and i'm not sad at the same time. she passed out after her 90th birthday party and passed away three days later. for some reason, i chuckle at that. as my cousin Celena said, it would be just like my grandmother to think, "i've lived to be 90, i'm done with this nonsense."

grandma, i love you. i hope to see you in the afterlife when i am a great old lady, just like you.

things i'll never (maybe) eat again

2011-06-23T21:28:00.003-05:00

as i was picking the Lean Cuisine out of my teeth, i was thinking about other TV dinners out there. remember the term "TV dinner?" anyway, my train of thought went along the tracks of what i can safely say will never pass these lips again. of course, i've grown older, more forward in my dinner thinking. but some old habits die hard. some, however, died years ago.

1. any frozen concoction made by marie calendar or anything of the sort.
i used to get frozen pot pies in college. i'm not sure if i used to buy Hungry Man dinners or Stouffer's frozen heart attacks in a box, but i used to eat those when i was a kid. never again.

2. big mac
or anything from McDonald's, probably. i like the chicken mcnuggets, but the last time i ate them, my colon had something loud to say about it. i used to get their fries as a snack, but it's been at least 8 years since that. i just can't be sure my lower intestine wouldn't launch a diatribe against anything on their menu.

oh, wait. i may eat their yogurt parfaits. but this leads me to #3.

3. any milk-based product
i haven't drank milk in about 5 years. every morning, i used to eat cereal with milk for breakfast. then my train rides would turn into white-knuckle, bowel-clenching rollercoaster... and not the good kind. usually, i would have to get off at a earlier stop and devastate some poor innocent shop keep's bathroom. i thought i has IBS (what woman doesn't), but then i forced my doc to give me an allergy test. sho'nuff, that pesky guy milk was tops on the list.

i had continued to eat ice cream and cheese and yogurt. sometimes, certain cheeses gave me a hard time, but i suffered through because i love it so much. but sometimes nothing happened. who knows what combination causes my immune system to attack. but as of June 21, i have given up. we'll see how long that lasts. but milk. no way.

4. Hostess anything
i don't know what it is about being a kid, but i don't remember hostess pies leaving that film of grease on the roof of my mouth. but it does now. and with 400+ calories and 2345678g of fat, i think it's best to leave these fruit-filled fat pockets to the humans under the age of 10.

5. jack's frozen pizza
i could crap a better pizza. no Jack's is cheap enough that i would choose that over, say, eating an entire box of stale saltines with tomato sauce and cheese.

6. instant ramen
my sister LOVES this shit. i couldn't even stomach it in college. i can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about the sodium levels. i'll never be so poor that i would buy ramen.

little caeser's pizza. especially baby pan pan
i don't think they make baby pan pan anymore, but never, ever again. there isn't a toilet close enough to sustain my bowel grief once i eat that stuff. it's amazing how i tortured myself during my college years.

OK, i've run out of things that i know i won't eat again. how about another list...

Things i know i shouldn't eat again, but probably will

1. little caesar's crazy bread
granted, i don't eat it with the butter, but goddamn, is that shit good.

2. little debbie
it's been a LONG TIME since i've eating one of these. i don't see them around really and even when i do, they tend to do the same thing to the roof of my mouth as the Hostess pies. but i do enjoy a good Nutty Bar. so i can't say for sure i'll never eat one of these again. mmmm... oatmeal creme pie.

3. kraft mac and cheese
i can eat an entire box of this shit. and not that gooey cheese-in-the-pouch stuff... the real, powdered cheese stuff. granted, in my advanced age, i have made mac and cheese with real pasta and real cheese. but there's something about buying that kraft blue box that takes me back to my childhood. and high school. and college. and my 20s. you get the idea.

4. stove top stuffing
it's been a looooong time since i've seen this on the shelf and thought, ooo, i could have that for dinner tonight. and thank god, really, because something in that red box wrecks havoc on my stomach. and not like the previous things in this list. it gives me awful, awful, EPA-inducing gas. it's just not pretty. but it's still really good, so i can't say that it will never pass my lips again.

i'm sure more will come to mind. look for updates!

google doodle

2011-06-16T08:57:00.002-05:00

dear google doodle,

yesterday, i saw you had a doodle that showed a lunar eclipse. i thought, "cool! a lunar eclipse! well, we certainly won't be able to see it because of all the clouds."

i woke up to use the facilities at 1:30am last night. i noticed a bright light coming through the kitchen windows. the moon! oooo, maybe i'll be able to see the eclipse! the google doodle told me so!

i grab my camera and my zoom lens and sneak into the kitchen. looking through the lens, it looked... normal. so i looked up online when it was supposed to happen. between 1:24 and 7am. well, holy crap, it's between 1:24 and 7am! i go back over to the window. that moon isn't eclipsing at all, as far as i can see. i go back to the computer.

from space.comThe longest total lunar eclipse in 11 years occurred Wednesday (June 15), turning the moon a dusky blood red that is amazing skywatchers around the world. See some of the first photos from the event here.

The lunar eclipse began at 1:24 p.m. EDT (1724 GMT) and will last until 7 p.m. EDT (2300 GMT). The eclipse's peak occured at 4:12 p.m. EDT (2012 GMT). At its best, the eclipse promised 100 minutes of totality, making it the longest total lunar eclipse since July 2000.

June 15 was the lunar eclipse. not June 16, which is what day it is today. the day it was at 1:30am.

and it happened during the pm, not am.

oh, and i just found out that it wasn't visible in north america.

stoopid google doodle.

The dead read my blog

2011-06-15T10:47:00.000-05:00

and no, i'm not talking about that shitty Jerry Garcia.

Hydroxystuff

2011-06-13T10:22:00.002-05:00

in the two bottles i've drank, i've learned two things:

1) i get edgy with this kind of caffeine, not unlike espresso, which i am forbidden to drink ever because i get ANGRY when i do.
2) the pounding headaches actually are FROM drinking this stuff. i got another one about an hour or two after the second bottle as well.

saturday, i felt uber-crappy. achy, tired, stomach issues, so i didn't drink any hydroxy. the weather sucked ballz and i had eaten a large amount of cheese the night before, so i'm attributing those things to that. i took an allergy pill and i felt much better. i also didn't drink any on sunday.

but sunday, around 1 or so, i got an amazing headache that wouldn't go away with ibuprofen. it started around the base of my neck and shoulders (i have neck and back problems) probably from sewing. but then it moved up into my head. by 7pm last night, it was pretty awesome. when i went to bed, i had a hard time falling asleep because it hurt so badly. but i thought, hey, it'll probably be gone by the time i wake up.

yeah, not so much.

so here i am today, with another pounding headache. it feels sinus-y, so there's not a lot i can do about it. and i just drank another bottle of hydroxycrap. so let's see where i am in another hour or two. hopefully not in the hospital.

but my shoulder and neck feel just fine.

Bottle #1

2011-06-10T18:57:00.002-05:00

about 30 minutes after my first bottle of hydroxywater, i got a little shaky and edgy, but it wore off pretty quickly. about 2 hours after that, i got a pounding headache, but that could have been due to 1) the project i was working on, or 2) the weather.

i just drank my 2nd bottle at 6. let's see what happens with that.

weight loss

2011-06-10T11:37:00.002-05:00

yeah, here i am again. i've been back on the Weight Watcher's band wagon for about a month now. i've already made some mistakes... i didn't weigh myself before starting, i just guessed my weight. i was afraid to get on the scale. so, according to my guessed-imated weight, i'm down about 3 pounds. bah, i think that sucks. i'm working out more, riding my bike and roller blading. it doesn't seem like enough.

so i've broken out a new weapon. hydroxycut. yeah, i'm a total shill. i bought the drink powder and i'm drinking my first bottle right now. i am going to be blogging about my results. it's supposed to decrease your appetite and increase your metabolism. it has caffeine, which concerns me a little, but if i don't drink anything with caffeine in it, i should be ok. if after my first bottle my heart starts to race, then i won't drink it again. but let me tell you, this Wild Berry powder tastes really good. it has blueberry, pomegranate, and goji berry.

i'm hoping that this will give my stupid fat body the boost to release this weight. i've been pretty good on the WW, and i'll keep working out. cross your fingers. i'll keep you posted.

ridiculous

2011-06-01T21:53:00.005-05:00

one of my friends sent me this, which was sent to her by someone she knows:

http://erinsonlinebabyshower.blogspot.com/p/invitation.html

it's an online baby shower! now you, who lives 500 miles away, can send this chick a gift, even though you weren't actually invited to the REAL baby shower.

i'm sorry, even if you live in a city where you might know NO ONE, this is still WAY tacky. when it was first described to me, i thought it was an online, web broadcast baby shower, actually held on a specific date at a specific time. but no. it's an on-going, "internet" baby shower.

here's how it works: you can send a card to wish the baby well (oh, sorry, it's all about the mom at this point), or you can purchase a gift from their registry. if you do purchase a gift, the new mom will take pics while she opens it and post them to the blog. maybe she'll send you an email to say thanks.

i'm sure whom ever thought of this thought it was a good idea. but it's not. i understand that having your first child is a big deal, but really? if you don't have 10 friends to rub together and throw cake at, maybe you should just let it go. some people actually have children without having baby showers. some people actually have to BUY ALL THEIR OWN BABY GEAR. oh, my, god, what an awful thought. i'm finding this pandering to every person on your email address list really pathetic.

it just seems that people these days are just registering to get stuff, not to actually have events. i don't know if this chick is having a "real" shower, but if not, who's to say that anyone couldn't put up a blog and a gift list and send it out to everyone they know? hey, i just adopted a kitten! hell, i should register at target and put up a blog pandering for stuff.

and here it is!

https://www.target.com/registry/baby/2HN367WHEL4UX

after you send me something, i'll take a pic of it and post it here. but make it good, 'cause i'm not going to waste my megapixels on something small, like a cat toy or something.

sigh

2011-04-11T08:09:00.002-05:00

this pissed me off, mostly because it's hardcore stereotyping and it's just not true anymore than all Republicans are all right-wing, bible-thumping bigots.

-By Warner Todd Huston

This is one of those chain emails that I rarely bother with. But this one is particularly funny and bitingly true. Well, true after I rewrote it a bit...

Why I Vote Democrat

1. I voted Democrat because I believe a 4% profit by oil companies on a gallon of gas is obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% (or more) isn't.
maybe the government needs it more because it's actually helping people with it rather than just using it to buy another yacht.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending my money than I can.
who the hell else is going to pay the deficit?

3. I voted Democrat because because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it. And if I can stop those other people from saying those things then let's write a law or something.

when people's "freedom of speech" caused one to kill or maim, it's not a freedom anymore. sorry. just because you can open your maw and say it doesn't mean you have the right.

4. I voted Democrat because because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves who strike without notice.
i don't even know where to start with this one. how often to guns protect people from murderers and thieves? how often are guns really used in SELF-DEFENSE rather than OFFENSE? how many times do people shoot intruders or people who are going to kill them? i'm thinking not often enough to off-set the non-self-defense violence happening in our streets everyday.

5. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius, buy Carbon Credits, or do without modern comforts.
i'm sorry your Hummer means that much to you. unless you're in the military or live in the Grand Canyon, i just don't see a point to owning such a large off-road vehicle. if you have the money to pay for 9mpg, then by all means, throw that money away. the government is just going to take it anyway. oh, and you'll probably get a great write-off for having a car that's so heavy it's considered farm equipment.

6. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all murderers on death row alive.
i love the black and white about this one. the abortion issue is PERSONAL AND PRIVATE and NO FUCKING MAN TELLS ME WHAT TO DO WITH MY BODY. abortions in 2008 numbered 1.2 million in 2008, which was 19% of the overall population of women. that is down 10% from 1981. abortions are going to happen, whether it's legal or not, and until you offer up some better solutions to KEEPING that child (i.e, better family leave, better health benefits, more child care deductions, equal pay) then shut your mouth. and something tells me that you don't actually mourn the loss of any one particular child, you're just pissed women have the right to choose whether they want to have your conservative love spawn.

as for Death Row, how can one group of people want to save one faction of life and kill another? it's like killing abortion doctors. the ends justify the means in someway? anyway, until our judicial system is free from mistakes (i.e, DNA mistakes) that put innocent men and women to death, Death Row should be abolished.

and the difference is: one women aborting a child that is hers is of no concern to anyone else but her and her lover. killing an innocent man by several because they don't like they THINK he did concerns a lot more people. and, quite possible, this person was raised by someone who didn't want them.

7. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits at my expense.
again, here's that black and white thing. if the road to citizen weren't paved with attorney expenses and forms that even a Harvard PhD would find difficult, maybe we would have more aliens paying their own way. but other than that, i have nothing. i feel that any illegal alien who has not at least made an attempt to become a citizen in X amount of years in the US should be deported. sorry.

8. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make a profit. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as we Democrats see fit.
think of Exxon, BP, walmart and all of those bottom-swilling a-holes when you read this statement. that's when i get mad. large corporation have many more tax shelters than the small business owner. if you have one shop and maybe 10 employees, you probably won't made much of a profit because any money you make will be taxed and taxed again unless you can afford a really really good CPA. but you can bet your sweet ass Boeing, CitiGroup, Bank of America, Arch Coal, ExxonMobil will continue to pay nothing in corporate taxes, while Bob's Shoppe of Fish will pay a lot more.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few weeks to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters otherwise.
what?? yes, i'm sure no conservative judge has ever done this ever. and site your sources so i can argue them effectively.

10. I voted Democrat because I think that it's better to pay billions to get oil from people who hate us, but not drill for our own because it might upset some endangered beetle or a gopher or something.
we get more oil from Canada than from the Persian Gulf. But thanks for doing your research.

11. I voted Democrat because I am sick and tired of all the mean-spirited rhetoric in politics. And if you don't like that, you are a racist, homophobe that wants to kill old people and children... oh, and you're a Nazi.
when you say mean things about one particular group of people, that's pretty shallow and immature. and the Dems weren't the ones who were crying about the "killing old people," now were we? the problem is the people running the political show these days just seem like kids in the school yard, crying to the lunch lady, rather than trying to figure out a solution. as my parents always told me, there will be a lot of people you don't always agree with or get along with, but somehow you have to make it work.

12. I voted Democrat because, while we live in the greatest, most wonderful country in the world, I want to change it all with that promised "HOPE AND CHANGE."
whatever we were doing when this place was great, it's not working anymore. the rich are getting richer (and i'm sure the Reps like it this way) and the poor are getting poorer. our educational system is sinking in the mire of religious fundamentalism and corporations are putting americans out of work by shipping production overseas. the US doesn't produce hardly any of its own materials anymore, including food, clothes and cars. and what is being made here in america is so overpriced that americans can't afford to buy it.

this country still has the potential to be great, when we stop focusing on the individual and help out the many.

13. I voted Democrat because the United States has been the most evil influence on the world and we need to take her arrogance down a notch. After all, we are worse than terrorists, our school teachers told us so!
please see #11. i can't imagine why other countries hate us so much when we try to change them to be just like us. we have little tolerance for other country's customs and way of life. that just because they aren't mass consumers of nothing, like us, then they must be bad, or, at the very least, in need of some help from us. what i don't get is how all these countries claim to hate us, but then whine when they need help and the US ISN'T RIGHT THERE RIGHT AWAY (Libya, i'm looking at you. of course, pretty soon, we won't have the money to keep coming to these rescues. maybe they can turn to China or India instead.

* But most of all I voted Democrat because it makes me better than YOU just because.... well, just because it makes me feeeeeel good.
i feel that the problem with a lot of well-to-do Republicans is that they don't think they (or their families) will ever need the help of the government, so they don't see the need in funding programs they'll never use. and because i don't have any rich relatives to help out by passing tax shelters or supporting nepotism, and i am clearly closer to poverty than any Rep in the government, i guess i'd actually rather my tax money go to those who actually need it. and yes, i do feel good about that. now excuse me while i donate to Planned Parenthood, NPR, and go volunteer at my local animal shelter.

Read more: http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/publius-forum/2011/04/voting-democrat-is-wholly-illogical-based-only-on-childish-feelings.html#ixzz1JDgPFVtL

the "storm" last night

2011-04-11T07:51:00.003-05:00

we were supposed to have some kind of Armageddon storm system come through yesterday that was to knock us back into the 1870s, but we got SQUAT. nothing. not a motherf*cking drop of rain. NOT. A. DROP. and this after telling all of our friends that they should make sure their wills are up to date and that they have a safe place to go and kiss their asses goodbye.

i went to sleep in 75 degree weather last night. let's just say i wasn't too comfortable, even after rinsing off the day's dewpoint before bed. i tossed and turned and finally fell asleep with the hopes that thunder and lightning and hail would be waking me up. i was pissed enough that this system didn't have the GD decency to come through during the day, but i would take what i could get.

but i woke up at 3am to an eerie calm... and a still-75 degree bedroom. i turned on my handy-dandy iPod Touch (which is never more than 3 feet from my being) and looked at the radar that seemed pretty promising a mere 5 hours ago.

this is what i saw.

My cameras

2011-04-04T12:36:00.003-05:00

i have several film cameras. my first camera was my EOS Rebel. automatic and manual, i used it manually for all of my photography classes at UM. it wasn't the first camera my dad bought me. the original camera i got for xmas 1992 was an olympus all automatic camera with a built-in zoom lens. while i appreciated the complexity of this camera, it wasn't going to to do what i wanted it to do. i needed a SLR with a removable lens if i was going to be a worlds-famous photographer. this point-and-shoot crap wasn't going to cut it. so my dad and i went back to Wolf Camera and i talked him to buying me the Canon EOS Rebel.

it had a removable 35-80mm lens, which was, to me, the absolute bomb. it also had automatic load and rewinding system, which meant that i never had to manually advance my film. it also would roll all of the film OUT of the canister when you loaded it and wind it BACK in as you took pictures, meaning that any pics you had already taken wouldn't be lost if you accidentally opened up the back. it also would beep if you happened to be a complete idiot and not load the film correctly, which consisted of pulling the film out of the canister across the back of the camera and closing the back. then it would whir-whir-whir the film out and bam, you were ready to shoot.

the one thing i didn't like about my EOS was the automatic settings. they were painfully slow to adjust. and in low light, rarely found the object of your desire. whir-whir-beep, whir-whir-beep. the lens would unfurl out and back, never quite focusing on what you wanted to focus on. and usually, by that time (unless you were taking pics of scenery) the thing you wanted to take a pic of was long gone. so i used the manual setting almost all of the time.

i used this camera for my first photography class, photo II, color photo, photo III advanced projects. my parents bought me a tripod a few christmas' later and that really helped for the low-light situations. i also bought a 200mm zoom lens, which totally ruled (in bright light, anyway). but despite my ability to purchase all this stuff, i never quite got the types of pics that i wanted. sharp, all ranges of black and white, crisp, clean. turns out, to get those, you need to shoot on much larger film.

the next camera i purchased several years after my EOS. it was a twin-lens-reflex from russia, a Lubitel 166. i got it on ebay, but it got lost. about 5 months after i bought it, it showed up at work and i think i jumped out of my chair, i was so damn happy. i bought some film and took it for a test.

you only get about 12 images from 120 film, but that's OK, because after using that ridiculous view finder to focus, you're about blind after 10 images. my first few rolls turned out really well, then i started to get sloppy. out of focus, over exposed images drove me to put the 120 camera away and move into digital. sigh.

so, in 2004, i went digital. i bought my first Canon Elph with my last unemployment check before i went back to work. this camera was amazing... 3.4MP, small, quick, agile. yes, it was a point-and-shoot, but after i got this camera, it was a looooong time before i lugged my manual SLR around. to be honest, i can't tell you when the last time was that i used it. maybe when i took pictures of the olympic torch when it was running though chicago on January 4, 2002. (i dropped my camera at this event, actually, and broke the batter door off of it. d'oh.)

anyway, i bought another Elph when the first one took a digital sh*t. then i bought my digital EOS Rebel in may(?) 2008? i soon bought a zoom lens for it, which totally rocked. the difference between this EOS and my old EOS is the autofocus system. the one on my digital EOS is AWESOME. i hardly ever shoot without it. it's quick and accurate, even if it still doesn't like to focus in low-light.

but i feel like i kind of sold out. i love film, i love the darkroom, i said i would never go digital. but it's SO EASY. what would ansel adams say about the digital photography revolution and photoshop? is he spinning in his grave or is he wishing he were still alive to use his Zone System with a digital back on an 8 x 10 field camera?

dreams

2011-04-04T12:20:00.003-05:00

i had a dream about one of my exes last night. "which one now?" you might ask. well, steve, that's who. here are some details.

i wanted to donate blood for the effort in japan. i don't remember if i actually set out to find a donation center or if i happened upon one and thought, "i really should do this." i walked in and it was pretty busy, but not as packed as the time i went on 9/11. i signed in and noticed that my friend, toast, was also signed in. he had put his real name down (which is doubly-weird, because he yelled at me once for using it) but then used his nickname in another area of the sign-in sheet. he didn't use his last name at all.

anyway, i signed in and shortly located him sitting at a table with some other people. i joined them. i guess the next step in donated was to stab your finger with this special device and put some blood on a form and turn it in. toast had already done this, but i was having a hell of a time drawing blood. the lancet was too dull. then i realized i was trying to stab my finger with the wrong part of it. but i tried it again, and it just wouldn't work. then i was thinking, maybe i shouldn't donate because i hadn't drank any water today (which is what i was thinking before i went to bed last night) and that it's not a good idea to donate if you haven't drank any liquids.

i think at some point, toast gets up to go donate (or go somewhere else), but there were other people i knew there from college. that, or toast moved to another table and happened to know my ex, who comes into the scene in a few). anyway, i guess my ex was the manager/owner/big-wig at the donation place, because he comes in and everyone is impressed he's there, making a big deal of it. i saw him and i turned on my heel and left. in my dream, i didn't want to see him, didn't want him to see me, didn't want to have anything to do with him. i go out the back door. in the yard next to the center is my mom, barbequeing. i said, "mom, you were supposed to meet me to donate blood! what are you doing?" she said, "oh, i know, but i got caught up in making my lunch, so i'm running late. i'll be there in a little while." (two things: 1) i had spoken to my mom last night before bed, 2) the persona of this woman was nothing like my mom.)

so, i'm wandering around outside and steve comes out looking for me. i didn't want to see him. i didn't want to see how he's aged in the 15 years since i last saw him. i didn't want to find out that he was fat/bald/wrinkly... anything like that. the steve in my imagination is still 25 and i wanted to keep it that way. but it was too late. from a distance, i could see him. his hair was either super-short or he had a hat on of some kind. i could see he still had the top of his left ear pierced (it was the right ear in the dream, which i realized after i woke up). he looked pretty much the same, except older. we spoke, i think, but i don't remember what was said.

then i woke up.

i hate/love having dreams about steve because it puts me back in my college frame of mind. my 23-year-old-lust-idiotic-giggly-stupid-crush frame of mind. i miss the emotional charge of it all but not the exhausting annoyance. and, of course, i wonder what he looks like. part of me thinks he's pushing 300 pounds and shaves his head. part of me thinks he lost any excess weight he had in 1997 and has grown his hair long, like in college. either way, i really don't want to know. like i found out by dating him, the dream is better than the reality.

reducing meds

2011-04-01T08:04:00.002-05:00

i've been reducing my anti-anxiety medication these last couple of months to see if i can lose this extra 20 pounds i've been carrying since i went on them. here's what i've noticed in the past two months:

1. i am more restless. especially these last two weeks. i don't want to sit and knit, or sit behind a desk and type, i want to be up and doing something. of course, this could be from cabin fever, so until the thermometer goes above 30, i won't know.

2. my temper has kind of come back. i haven't started throwing things or punching walls, but i notice that i am more frustrated behind the wheel and just at people in general.

3. i am having a harder time being diplomatic. i can't seem to keep my politically-charged mouth closed and i have said somethings in the work place that has caused some people to look at me warily.

4. i have a drive to do more (see #1), like work out, but that has not really translated into weight loss. not only that, but i find myself becoming more despondent over it. before, i wouldn't really put much effort into it, but then i didn't really care too much that i was overweight. but now, not only do i think about it all the time, it just pisses me off. of course, that doesn't translate into me NOT eating coffee cake and burgers. i just can't put the two together.

5. my PMS is coming back slowly. it is the week before my period and i feel like a social leper. i feel depressed and useless, which usually turns into anger, where i then punch walls and throw things. it hasn't gotten there yet. maybe it won't.

6. i find it easier to organize and plan. my mind doesn't feel as messy as it did before. sure, i still forget things, but at work, i'm on top of everything. i'm also on top of everything for my freelancing gigs. i find it a little easier to stick to a routine, which is something i found kind of to do while on the meds.

7. i cannot eat whatever i want anymore, especially cheese. i have been getting more frequent stomach aches and stomach issues. i can't eat as much in one sitting and i can't eat a lot of fried foods. this may turn into weight loss, but until i can actually fit into a pair of pants that didn't fit before, i'm not getting near that scale.

so here i am. still fat, but now angry, depressed and organized. now what?

moving history into the future

2011-03-31T12:52:00.004-05:00

i signed up for a darkroom photography class at truman college in chicago. i had been eyeing this class for quite some time, but felt that any personal interests should be trumped by actual learning, i.e., chemistry, math, that kind of crap. well, i said "to hell with that" and signed up for the continuing ed class. the first meeting was last night at 7pm and it goes until 10pm.

i was EXCEPTIONALLY excited to be going to this class. not only do i know my way around darkroom, but i think i do it well and i am passionate about it. unlike chemistry, where i had no idea what was in store for me and i had no idea if i was even going to get past the first week, let alone through chem 1 & 2.

the photo lab at truman is nothing to write home about except for one amazing fact: they have one. in this day of digital photography, the printed image has been dying a slow death. and i realized last night how close to flat lining it really is. i found out that they stopped making Kodak Infrared film, a type of film near and dear to my heart. they stopped making this amazing developer called Microdol-X. slowly, things are becoming harder and harder to find. i mentioned that i had an Omega-II condenser that i store in my mom's closet because there was no way in hell i was going to get rid of it, only because i knew i could never find another one like it.

i think a lot of us (there are only really 5) are taking this class to enjoy the last hurrah of a medium that was once a revolution in technology. it makes me really sad to see it go. to here that UM closed its darkroom in lieu of digital technology. that polaroid is also going the way of dodo. that i can't just go down to walgreens or best buy to get a battery for my film camera. and now i'm wondering where the hell i'm going to get decent film. i used to be able to buy black and white at CVS. ha! not anymore.

i know it will never really go away. and the end will just end up being like the beginning. it's not like deguerre or henry fox talbot had Microdol-X or a local photo shop they could run down to. they made their own cameras, their own film, their own chemicals. if a small amount of us can horde enough of the stuff that's available now, and maybe find some stuff that isn't, then we can keep it alive. in our hearts, anyway.

getting older

2011-02-18T14:59:00.004-06:00

i will be 37 in about 2 weeks. that in itself isn't that big of a deal. my biological clock isn't ticking, i am still active, and i've had gray hair for 11 years already. what's bumming me out is all of these young people running around my office lately.

when i worked at ala, there were a few 20-somethings, the youngins were definitely outnumbered there. plus i had my elder friends to keep me company. i was also employed full-time and felt like maybe after 15 years in this whole design bizness i was finally getting somewhere.

but here, there are about 8 temps who are under the age of 25. 7 girls and one boy. the chicks are your typical overly coiffed, ug-wearing, trend-setting, up-speaking bimbos... girls i can pretty much ignore unless they're giggling right outside my office or setting off the fire alarm with their burned microwave popcorn. and the boy is like the center of their giggly universe. and it reminds me of my bygone days of relentless flirting and line-free skin. and i realize that if i were to flirt with this boy, i would feel very strange. old. cougar-esque. (plus i think he may be gay, which would make things even weirder). nothing says desperate like a late-30s married woman hitting on a 20-something boy who barely shaves.

and maybe i've finally reached my mid-life crisis. i think back to when i was 25. i had just moved to chicago. just started my first publishing job. my boss was 11 years older than me, not unlike this boy i work with now. and i just remember thinking that my boss was a grown up. now i am his age. a temp. no one's boss.

i think i'm just feeling sorry for myself. i also think there is a direct correlation between these feelings and my decreasing med levels. maybe the key to staving off mid-life crisis is to keep oneself doped up on antidepressants. isn't 37 a little young to be having a MLC? i have been craving a sports car lately.

i think it's official... getting older sucks. there don't seem to be any benefits being older than 35. i can vote, run for congress, rent a car. i've dated all the people i've ever going to date. i'm not going to have kids, so there's all that life knowledge i don't need. like i want to be around to know what it's like to have gallstones or bad knees or arthritis. not even a little bit. i already travel as much as my income allows. i've been to europe. sure, i'd like to go to more place, but who really cares?

and it's not like i want to go back and do it all over again. i really don't want to be 25 again. or maybe i do. i just want to look 25 again. oh well. there's no going home again, i guess.

photo challenge

2011-02-15T14:36:00.002-06:00

since i'm not keeping up very well with my 365 photo challenge, why not do something easier? a 30-day photo challenge! yeah, i'm sure this will last about a week.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite...memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most screwed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

Bijou rememberances

2011-02-07T14:33:00.002-06:00

she would come when you called her. she'd bound over to you like a little puppy. and if she was sleeping or ignoring you and you called her name, she'd wag her tail. actually, she was wagging her tail right up until they sedated her. it was so cute and so sad at the same time.

and if you held your hand out flat about a foot off your lap or the couch, she'd come running over to pet herself with it. and she gave the best head bumps. you could put your head down to hers and *bonk!* she'd ram you with her little noggin.

she was so cute.

Bijou Saar Richardson, Aug 1998-3 February 2011

2011-02-07T09:11:00.007-06:00

Born in Beverly Hills, Michigan around August, 1998, Bijou was found and rescued with her sibling by a local veterinarian. She was given as a gift from a Mr. Gordon Rutkowski of Warren, MI, in October 1998. It was supposed to be a surprise, but her tiny mew through the phone gave it away. And she was as big as her meow. Being able to fit ones hand around her rib cage, she was a tiny little fighter, able to crawl up pant legs in a single bound. She would then sit on the person's shoulder like a purring parrot.

She also had a love of all things plastic, from cheese paper to grocery bags. She also loved to eat plants and mashed potatoes, the former she would then regurgitate onto the floor.

She lived in Ann Arbor, until 17 December 1999, when she was moved to Chicago. Along this trip, her owner locked her in a 1990 Grand Am while stopping at a Wendy's in Chesterton, IN, to use the facilities. All attempts to get Bijou to unlock the door failed. The local police were quick on the scene to rescue the unaware cat. The car never lost its heat.

Living in Chicago was pretty uneventful. Aside from drinking out of the sink and sitting in windows to enjoy the view of Fullerton Ave, there wasn't much excitement. She was visited by several cousin cats, including Mickey and Maui and Checkers. She survived her owner's bout with chicken pox. Snuggling up on the other side of the bed while her owner slept was the high point of her days. That and breaking into the catnip.

In May 2006, Bijou moved again, this time into an apartment with her new step-brother, Loki. Tension mounted as the two struggled to get along. New rules were put in place to prevent late night skirmishes. But she persevered and eventually came out of hiding.

Her last three years were lived out in a condo on the north side of Chicago. She enjoyed disappearing in the closet or on top of the cabinets to sleep. She also liked sleeping in the bathtub and drinking from the faucet. Diagnosed with kidney disease in March 2010, she lived her life to the fullest until the end. Always willing to warm a lap, no matter how small she was, always able to purr like the little fuzzy diesel engine she was, she was feisty little Bijou until her last day.

She is survived by her owner, Kim; Food Guy, Scott; and her step-brother, Loki. She has touched many lives throughout her travels, including her aunts Shannon, Kristin, and Annette; and cousins Bailey, Sadie, and Lucious. She is preceded in death by Checkers, Samantha, Montey, Micky, Maui, and Prancer.

You lived a good life, kid. You will be missed dearly.

aaaaaaand...

2011-02-02T12:32:00.008-06:00

it's over. and we survived. of course we have a snow day. i brought work home with me, which has yet to be touched. i got outside around 9:45 and started shoveling because i was itching to get out there and see the damage from the ground level. there isn't any destruction as far as i can see on our block. i'm sure the trib will have more stories by the end of the day.

here is a map showing how much snow fell on the area

and here are some pictures taken yesterday, last night and today.

front view, 2:55pm, 1 Feb 2011

park view, 2:55pm, 1 Feb 2011

front view, 7:10pm, 1 Feb 2011

park view, 7:10pm, 1 Feb 2011

front view, 9:32am, 2 Feb 2011

park view, 9:32pm, 2 Feb 2011

view from above

2011-02-01T14:27:00.004-06:00

this is what a huge blizzard looks like from the GOES-East 13 satellite, 22,300 ft above the equator.

snow

2011-02-01T12:36:00.002-06:00

it's now snowing here in Glenview, IL. the wind looks pretty brisk, too. I can't wait to leave in 24 minutes.

closing

2011-02-01T11:21:00.001-06:00

my company is closing at 1pm, which is the best news i've heard all day. no driving in the hell-storm and a break from work. huzzah!

and a little aside: work is much better than it was last Friday. i must have drank too much caffeine that day or something.

the latest experimental forecast

2011-02-01T07:59:00.002-06:00

here is the latest and greatest forecast from the powers that be at NOAA in Romeoville.

i'm glad to see we made the cut.

blizzard-aganza

2011-02-01T07:44:00.009-06:00

the blizzard is still on. the forecasters have not changed anything for our area, which is surprising. i am at work now and a little worried about the drive home. i came in 30 minutes early, so hopefully i can leave 30 minutes early. we'll see how it goes.

we did get some snow last night. it started about 9pm. it wasn't much, but enough to make roads slick and driving a little annoying. it was about an inch. i'm trying not to think about 23 more inches.

some pics from our condo window from last night:

park view, 9:39pm, 31 January 2011

park view, 6:50am, 1 February 2011

front view, 9:39pm, 31 January 2011

front view, 6:50am, 1 February 2011

outside my office, 7:17am, 1 February 2011.

chicago tribune article

2011-02-01T07:42:00.000-06:00

this was the report in the chicago tribune from 9:36pm, 31 January 2011. i'm going to post the whole story because in an hour that link will probably become dead.

After watching the East Coast repeatedly hit with ferocious winter storms, the Chicago area is now braced for what weather prognosticators say could be a "dangerous, multifaceted and potentially life-threatening" blast of wind and snow, a storm the likes of which the region hasn't seen in more than a decade.

Of course, winter weather forecasts for Chicagoans can be emotional roller coasters, a tense ride up to a promised "worst storm ever" often anticlimaxing with a gentle dip down to a meteorological disappointment. In this case, the dip appears anything but gentle.

A blizzard warning will be in effect from 3 p.m. Tuesday until 3 p.m. Wednesday. In addition to snow and high winds, waves that could reach nearly 30 feet offshore on Lake Michigan could hit the shore with enough force to douse Lake Shore Drive with water and ice.

"The last storm of this potential magnitude to hit Chicago was in Jan. 2, 1999," said Richard Castro, a meteorologist at the National Weather Service, referring to a storm that dumped 18.6 inches of snow.

Chicago Shopping Overwhelming Offers: Always 50% off or more from your favorite brands >>

WGN meteorologist Tom Skilling said the storm is a convergence of several key elements, with frigid arctic air pouring from the north into the Great Plains and a powerful jet stream spinning warm, moist air in from the east.

"It is set up about as well as any winter storm that I have seen," Skilling said. "Every numerical and computer model we work with is on to this storm."

Despite memories of overhyped storms past, citizens, businesses, schools and government spent Monday beginning the onerous task of prepping for cancellations, shutdowns and treacherous travel.

Skilling said such preparation won't be in vain: "We're looking at this coming storm from 82 different computer estimates off of seven different weather models. The level of confidence of the forecast is pretty high."

With warnings of whiteout conditions, the weather service urged people not to travel once the blizzard hits. But preparations were under way to keep the city moving through the storm.

Roads

Chicago Streets and Sanitation Commissioner Thomas Byrne said the department will deploy its full fleet of 274 trucks plus 120 garbage trucks equipped with plowing equipment and is prepared to call in private contractors for help if needed.

"We will work this storm with everything we have at our disposal," Byrne said.

Residents shouldn't expect to see plows on side streets until after the snowfall stops and major thoroughfares are in order.

The Illinois Tollway will have its full fleet of 183 snowplows working on the 286-mile system of roads. Drivers are strongly advised to stay off the roads during and after the blizzard to allow snowplows and salt trucks to operate unobstructed.

Suburban streets departments were also expressing confidence in their readiness. Jim Hirakawa, superintendent of streets in Elmhurst, said the city will have 20 plow trucks working around the clock and plans to rent a half-dozen dump trucks to haul away snow.

"We think by Thursday morning, we'll have the main roads cleared," Hirakawa said.

Public transportation

The CTA plans to run trains and buses on regular schedules, said President Richard L. Rodriguez. But the agency is prepared to provide early rush-hour service on Tuesday for riders who leave work early to beat the storm.

All CTA trains are equipped with snowplow blades to clear snow away from the tracks. The agency will run eight-car trains during the storm to keep tracks as clear as possible.

On rail lines that don't operate 24 hours, sleet-fighter trains equipped with de-icing spray nozzles will operate overnight to keep snow from building up on the tracks and to prevent the electrified third rail from icing over.

Metra will probably be one of the go-to transit systems for the blizzard, and crowded trains and buses can be expected, Metra spokeswoman Judy Pardonnet said. She said the trains are heavy enough to clear snow from the rails, and Metra operates a special train to keep overhead wires on its electric lines free from ice.

Pardonnet said Metra riders can monitor delays and other problems at metrarail.com.

Air travel

Airlines started cancelling hundreds of flights scheduled for Tuesday and Wednesday at O'Hare and Midway airports.

"We've already started taking out the last flights in the evening at some of the affected airports where we know planes will not be able to get out in the morning,'' said American Airlines spokesman Tim Smith.

At Midway, Southwest Airlines canceled some Tuesday afternoon flights, all flights Tuesday evening and most flights Wednesday morning, airline officials said.

Many people heading to Dallas for Sunday's Super Bowl will travel through Chicago, but airline officials said the heaviest travel days to Dallas are expected to be Thursday through Saturday.

Schools

Interim CEO Terry Mazany said that all CPS schools, which haven't been closed for snow since 1999, are scheduled to remain open, but he encouraged parents to frequently check the district's website.

Many evening classes for Tuesday have been canceled, and several school districts in the area, including junior high and high schools in Naperville Community District 203, already had made plans to close early on Tuesday.

"These are highly unusual circumstances," read the District 203 website. "Rarely do we receive a weather report so far in advance that is predicting such a significant snowfall combined with wind that it requires we take advance measures."

Other school officials were waiting and watching.

"Depending on when this snow hits, schools may cancel after-school activities or school altogether," said Prairie Grove School District 46 Superintendent Lynette Zimmer. "Right now, we are watching and waiting to see what transpires."

Stocking up

Snow shovels, batteries and rock salt lined the front walls of a Home Depot on North Avenue in Chicago, and Ken Turner was working overtime Monday afternoon keeping the aisles stocked.

"I'm bringing out pallet after pallet after pallet of salt," said Turner, the store's garden department supervisor.

Counting on the hardiness of Chicagoans, Medardo Ortiz, the maintenance manager at a Chicago nightclub, was at the store buying a shovel.

"I want to make sure I can give people clean sidewalks to walk on," Ortiz said. "People go out and want to have a good time no matter what the weather is doing."

In north suburban Island Lake, Kari Kimpton spent Monday nervously checking the weather updates on television, radio and the Internet.

"If we get a couple of inches of snow, it's no big deal," said Kimpton, who is trying to persuade her husband to buy a snowblower. "But to hear we may get 12 to 24 inches — that's a lot."

upgraded to warning

2011-01-31T15:54:00.004-06:00

one of my downfalls as a trained weather spotter is not being able to remember the difference between "watch" and "warning." they both begin 'w.' i think, in my crazy head, that watching out for something sounds imminent, while a warning is just that... a warning. imagine getting disciplined for something: "watch out for this spanking!" or "I'm warning you about a spanking!" which sounds worse? exactly.

anyway, the chicagoland area has been upgraded from "Blizzard Watch" to "Blizzard Warning." the NOAA map has gone from green to red. red is bad, that much i know.

please read the highlighted parts of this forecast and be jealous. or happy, that you're not getting dumped on in a little over 24 hours.

motherf*ckin' snow

2011-01-31T13:09:00.008-06:00

the chicagoland area is currently under a blizzard watch. two storms are going to be rolling through here in the next 48-60 hours that are supposedly going to drop up to 20" of snow. as i was driving into work today, i took the time to take note of the relative ease at which i, and fellow drivers and pedestrians, could move around. how clear the streets and sidewalks were. how easy and quickly i got into my car. how unimpeded my walk to the entrance of work was.

because it's all going to change.

don't get me wrong, i'm excited to see this much snow. the weather powers that be are claiming this storm will be as bad as the one that hit January 2, 1999. i remember falling asleep on my couch in front of the window that Saturday and waking up to a winter wonderland. i tried not to let the snow prevent me from heading out to my usual dance hangout 40 miles away, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. dressed in 4 inch heels and driving a 1990 grand am, i'm lucky i didn't die in a snowdrift that night. i could barely see 4 feet in front of me, but i could see enough to notice 4 wheel drive cars in the ditch. it took about 2 hours to go 2 miles, but i finally made it home unscathed. being 25 makes you kind of stupid sometimes.

so here we are again, on the cusp of a similar weather event. some of mt coworkers and friends are saying, "nah, it'll never happen. we'll never get that much snow." and if they're right, then part of me will be happy that my life will continue on as usual. but given the warnings that are out there now, i seriously doubt that we would be so lucky here in chicago.

i will be keeping track of this storm on my blog for documentation. and maybe for prosperity.

outside my office. 10:42am CST. 31 January 2011.

forecast as of 12:53pm CST. 31 January 2011. i've lived in the midwest my entire life and i've never seen a forecast for that much snow... ever.

what now?

2011-01-28T23:40:00.000-06:00

have you ever had one of those days when you're so irritated that you feel like you're coming out of your skin? everything is rubbing me the wrong way, like every nerve is on fire. i find myself yelling at commercials, swearing at my computer at the slightest swirl of the beach ball. the tiniest bump, snag, hold-up, sends my coping mechanisms into infant mode. and trying to figure out why starts the irritation all over again.

here is the bottom line: i don't like what i do anymore. for the last 5 years or so, i have been on a severely tilted career path. publishing is not what it used to be. corporate america is only out for itself and its bottom line. i have worked as a temp for a company for over a year that can't get out of its own way long enough to hire me. and after this last stint, i don't think i want it. i am hearing rumblings of the "employee evaluations," which, in my 11 years in a corporate, NO ONE likes to do. who thought of these things? who thought that barging into my personal mind and making me set goals for my professional life was a good idea? hey, and you know what else? i have too much fucking work to spend hours making up crap that i might have time to get done in the next year at the office. if i don't want to take a photoshop class or an XML training session, then that should be MY decision, not Mr. Bossy Boss. Not the man sitting on high, making 6 figures. and he has no idea what it takes to get shit done on the lower level or else those fucking goals might do some good. but they never do. here's a goal: DO YOUR FUCKING JOB. did you achieve your goals from last year? No, i didn't have any time. so do i get less of a raise because i was bogged down with actual WORK? christ, those things are so stupid. the one good thing about being a temp is that i don't have to deal with those.

but what happens when i stop becoming a temp? every fiber of my being would rather run screaming in the opposite direction. but not just if i was offered a job at my current place... it would be if ANY corporate entity wanted to hire me. the thought of being in a cube the rest of my life, sitting behind a computer screen, doing what other people tell me, makes me want to run into traffic. and what else can i do to prevent myself from working in dead-end corporate america?

nothing, that's what.

and here i am.

shamrock shuffle (rescinded)

2011-01-28T07:57:00.002-06:00

it turns out the code i was given to make the SS free was intended for Bank of America employees only. i received this email saying my registration was denied because i wasn't using a BoA email address. whooops.

needless to say, i won't be shelling out $45 to run with 45,000 of my best friends. but i still plan on training. just because i won't get a t-shirt doesn't mean i should stop running, right?

as a matter of fact, i ran 1.5 miles again last night. this time i took some pain meds (one aleve, one motrin) and it really made all the difference. these 1.5 miles came a lot easier than the ones on Tuesday. it's usually the other way around for me. the first run after a long break is usually the easiest, the next one usually sucks balls. one thing, tho, i think i took too many pain meds. i might just try the aleve on saturday. when i got off the treadmill, i was kind of dizzy and loopy. and i was 100% fine when i finished running; the loopiness happened when i was done with my cool down. very strange.

and i also lifted weights again.
incline leg press: 75lbs.
ham strings: 50lbs.

1.5 miles

2011-01-26T10:27:00.003-06:00

yeah, i managed to slog myself 1.5 miles on the treadmill last night. last night was really an assessment, but my goal was at least 1 mile. my lungs and legs seemed to like it alright.

my hips, though... that's another story. after about 5 minutes, they began to make their opinion known with a burning at the joints. this has been happening for a while when i try to run or walk at a fast pace. i started having hip pain in the left hip back in 2006, but didn't really train very hard, so never really had any problems after that. but pain on the first run? this should be interesting.

i also did some leg weights.
incline leg press: 75lbs
hamstrings: 40lbs

shamrock shuffle

2011-01-25T13:03:00.004-06:00

with the bribery of free registration, i signed up for the Shamrock Shuffle. the last time i tortured myself with this race was in 2004. wow. that's a long time. 8 years. anyway, it was chock full of runners and the first mile was walking (which was fine with me, not so much for my running partner, who was annoyingly gazelle-like), and the bag pick-up at the end totally sucked. plus, it's not for any charity or anything like that, so giving $35 to a bank just seemed stupid. also, i wasn't training as hard as i should have been for that 8k and i just about crapped out. i think that i was getting sick, because i was out for the count the next two days.

so needless to say, this isn't my favorite race. but a friend gave me a coupon code for free registration. FREE! that means i get to keep my (now) $45 and still get a free t-shirt. and maybe i'll even run it. heh-heh.

to prepare, i have planned out my runs from now until April 10, race day. i find it really appealing to plan work outs, but i find it very very very hard to stick to those plans. this plan is really very easy: 1 mile three times a week, 1.5 miles three times a week, 2 miles three times a week, etc. this should get me up to the required 5 miles.

but it's not the mileage that i hate. it's the TIME. i am so slow that it will probably take me an hour to run 5 miles. if i'm lucky. being on a treadmill is so unsufferably boring when you're in a gym. i think i just need to resign myself to that time and be done with it. maybe a few audiobooks will help me get through this.

wish me luck.

a picture a day

2011-01-14T10:44:00.003-06:00

i was just looking one of my several failed blogs and got a little misty when remembering my 365 photo blog. my guilt was made worse when i saw that one of my photo friends started her own 365 blog:

http://ericabarracaphotography.wordpress.com/2011/01/14/365/

the problem that i encounter in doing these photo-a-day blog is that after a while it can become forced, almost like a chore. but the point is to just take pictures. to just get out there, even when you don't feel like it, and document something that you have an opinion about. and sometimes the hunt for a great image is the best part.

this being said, i am 13 days behind. and i left my camera at home. i guess i should just DO IT and see how far i get. i do miss my pictures.

so... be on the look out for some more images from me here:

http://threesixfivein2011.blogspot.com/

yarn dilemma

2011-01-06T08:19:00.002-06:00

ok, here's the dilemma i have in the world of yarn.

i like to make small projects. projects that don't take a lot of time. Hats, scarves, little stuffed animals. the problem that i have is that if i need a new color yarn for a small project, i have to go and buy a whole skein of it, usually 5-7 oz. and given the amount of projects I do, this yarn piles up. I have a 20 gallon plastic tote crammed full of yarn.

i guess this means i should get knitting, huh? but i really want to do these:

http://technabob.com/blog/2009/10/18/amigurumi-mario-playset/

and this would require me to get more shades of brown for the goomba. i'll dig through my stash. maybe i have something that will suffice.

Dream interpretation

2011-01-05T08:33:00.002-06:00

i had a very strange dream last night.

one was where scott and i were driving down this busy street. it was four lanes (two in each direction) and a middle turn lane. we stopped at a light and i looked behind me (i think i was driving) and there was a terrible accident that had just occurred. it looked like we had just missed that accident by seconds.

there was blood on the pavement and on the hood of one of the cars. i guess one car had pulled out of a parking lot and a car in the turn lane had crashed into him. the one car that did the hitting had the hood pushed all the way up into the passenger compartment. the other car had three guys in it who were totally bloodied up and unconscious.

i can't remember what we did next. i think we got out of the car and looked at the carnage. later in the dream, we were in some sort of building where they had put the people who were in the accident. one was alive, but we walked passed a room that had two of the guys from the hit car laying on the floor covered by blankets, obviously dead. in another room, there was some very pale woman/girl who was laying on the floor. she was still alive, but there was a hole in her head where her brains were leaking out. nice and graphic. i had to walk over her in order to get out of the room. she was just laying there, eyes open, totally scared, not moving, very very pale. there were people around her, trying to help her, or waiting until they could move her to a better place.

it was a very strange dream. anyone want to guess at what my subconscious was trying to tell me?

The House, part II, electric bugaloo

2011-01-05T08:26:00.002-06:00

we're not going to get the house. as nice as it is, and as huge as it is, it might be too big for two people. plus, it's way the hell out in Zion. not that it wouldn't be nice to take advantage of the cheaper sales tax in WI (not to mention New Glarus beer just minutes away), but the house just isn't charming enough for me. i think most of the cool victorian accents have been taken out over the years. there might have been built-ins (there are some drawers in that purple room in the attic), there may have been leaded glass in the windows in the turret, the moulding may not have been painted a babyshit brown. the stairs and the built-in bench are the bomb, but the upstairs has almost no sign of 1906.

plus we really should focus on repairs around the homestead we're currently living in. and paying for.

but once those are done, who knows what could happen.

The House

2011-01-01T15:37:00.021-06:00

we saw the house in Zion. it's beautiful on the outside and on the first floor. it was built in 1906, around the time the town really started booming. several of the houses on the block were built around the same time. it's two houses from the Zion Historical Society. it has a lot of the vintage charm from the early 20th century which is really amazing.

but someone took a hacksaw to the second and third floor and broke it up into 5 apartments, two on the second floor, two on the third, and two on the first. they put up walls where an ordinary person wouldn't have thought they could go. there are at least 4 kitchens that need to be taken out. there is water damage in the basement and the third floor. it also needs updated plumbing and electrical. and after all that repair has been done, it needs a new kitchen and bathrooms.

kitchen #1

kitchen #2

kitchen #3

bathroom #1

bathroom #2

bathroom #3

basement

boiler

basement under the stairs

asbestos

front windows

some hole above the closet. it's not attached to the closet in any way

stairs

locked studio that no one has the key to

back of house

side of house

back yard

Eleven Things

2010-12-30T08:23:00.003-06:00

This post is inspired by my friend, erin. She listed 11 things her life does not need in 2011. It seemed a useful exercise, but I tried and found it difficult to come up with stuff i DON'T need rather than stuff I need. so i'm going to turn it around and post what i need MORE of in 2011:

11. More working out
i need to get off my butt and be more active. this applied to almost every aspect in my life, but i'm talking about working out in this one. i've signed up for personal training and i've already canceled two sessions because it sucks for my out-of-shape body. this leads me to #10.

10. More contact
i want to keep in touch with friends more in 2011. last year, i blew off calls, emails, letters. there are friends that i haven't spoken to in years that i wish i was still in contact with. it seems if they're not on FB, then i'm not talking to them. i would like to write more letters and make more calls.

9. More volunteering
for the last two years, i've been saying i'm going to volunteer. and i still haven't done it. because it's inconvenient to me and my couch-sitting. but i'm tired of dreaming about it and i just need to set something up somewhere so i can fulfill this goal.

8. More organizing
i'm sure everyone says this. we live in a very small condo, so we're as organized as we're going to get at this point. but i keep dreaming about getting rid of some furniture, rearranging, putting up shelves, moving stuff around. but because i don't live alone and when i bring this up to the Husband he seems less than enthused, i don't do it. but for my own sanity, i need to start doing something.

7. More healthy eating
again, the Husband doesn't need to worry about weight gain like i do, so i eat the way i want to eat (like him) rather than eating the way i SHOULD eat. of course, this leads to the problem with #7.

6. More planning
i don't know how i became like this, but i can't seem to plan for more than a day out. this includes dinner, working out, going out. but then, i hate last minute plans. i need to plan more meals to help with my eating habits and spending. i need to plan my knitting so i can be prepared next Christmas. wow, that seems SO far away, so it seems ridiculous to me. Like December 2011 will NEVER BE HERE. this is my problem. This runs into #7.

5. More patience
when i am doing something i really don't want to do, i get this tight feeling in my chest and i start to get annoyed. this is usually when i think that throwing in the towel will be more satisfying than continuing. but this is my short-term brain talking to me. i need to tell that part to shut up and i need to keep going. 'cause nothing good ever happens overnight.

4. More tolerance
i have a very sharp tongue that i use when i am in a bad mood or when see something that i find annoyingly different. like a girl wearing Uggs with a short skirt in June. i feel if that girl is going to look THAT ridiculous in public, then she deserves to overhear my snide remarks or catch my scathing glance. really, this has to stop. i'm not talking about turning into Mary Poppins, but i need to try and ignore what i don't like.

3. More follow-through
this goes along with Erin's "Less excuses." when i say i'm going to do something, i need to just do it. my brain tries to come up with several reason of why i won't like it rather than looking forward to it just because it takes me out of my comfort zone of the couch. like working out. like going out for New Year's.

2. More long-term goals
this also goes along with #10 and #9. i have a hard time doing the same thing day after day after day (if it doesn't involve sitting on the couch). i can't work out every day. i can't eat right every day. yet making plans for the week or month just seems so impossible. like when my trainer said "this workout plan is just for two months." ugh, i have to work out for two months?? i would rather he say nothing at all. so i need to make some small goals and reach them to show myself that it's not a death march.

1. More action
like an example in #4, i need to take more action. just because the Husband doesn't want to do something doesn't mean that i shouldn't do it. living together with someone in a shared environment always calls for compromise, but i feel like if he doesn't jump with joy at my suggestion, then i shouldn't do it. but putting up a shelf or buying a mount for our flat panel TV really isn't compromising anyone living conditions. but i feel that if i do something and it's a failure, he'll make fun of my relentlessly. and i hate that.

A repost from 2005.

2010-12-23T08:14:00.002-06:00

I guess I've been posting for over 5 years now. i use the term "posting" lightly here, since i've been lax in posting this last year or so. but here's one from my first blog Christmas that stands the test of time:

here is my top 13 list of my most hated christmas songs. i tried to put them in descending order, from most hated to least hated, but, to be honest, i think they could all be #1.

1. The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
i CANNOT stand this song. the lyrics, And so I'm offering this simple phrase/To kids from one to ninety-two, and And ev'ry mother's child make me want to stick an appetizer fork in my ear. so what you're telling me, Nat, is that my 96-year-old grandmother doesn't deserve to have a merry christmas? oh, and who gives a shit about fathers! it's the lamest, dumbest song i have ever heard. and i have to hear it every damn day from november to january.

2. Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
i would rather listen to the barking dog jingle bells song over and over than hear this song once. of course, working at crate and barrel has prevented me from knowing if that's true.

and i think they should have done a Top 5 musical crimes perpetrated by Paul McCartney in the 80s and 90s in High Fidelity. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins... is it better to burn out or fade awaaay?

3. Give Love on Christmas Day - The Jackson Five
i think it's sad that Michael Jackson sounds the same now as he did when he was five.

4. White Christmas - Bing Crosby
i like to think that Bing isn't singing about snow. or at least not precipitation snow.

5. Silver Bells - Johnny Mathis
he sounds like he's in a coma while he's singing this song. and who says people aren't responsive when they're brain dead?

6. Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives
i'm thinking Burl (if that is your real name) hasn't been subjected to constant christmas advertising and horrible christmas music in every store he walks into.

7. Jingle Bell Rock - Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell
this song was cool for me for about 8 minutes when i was six years old.

8. All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth - Spike Jones
that's funny... all i want for christmas is your front teeth, too.

9. It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas - Perry Como & The Fontaine Sisters
yes, it's starts to look a lot like christmas around september these days.

10. Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
ah, Eartha. you peeked when you allowed yourself to be in those Old Navy commercials.

11. Here Comes Santa Claus - Gene Autry
i think this one got burned out for me the 1,923,712,983 times i had to sing it for those goddamned christmas pagents in elementary school.

12. Jingle Bells - Singing Dogs
this is far down on the list because it has a funny simpsons connotation to it. if you know of what i speak, then you probably hate christmas as much as i do.

13. Frosty the Snowman - Gene Autry
gene sang non-christmas songs, too, right? right?

the great lost art of publishing

2010-12-22T14:54:00.003-06:00

i want to publish children's books. and i don't mean i want to go the way of Jamie Lee Curis or Madonna and write cloying, sickly-sweet, nauseating kids fiction books. i mean i want to design and print real educational children's books like i used to. no more of this "ancillary-this" or "curriculum-that." no "what does the sales team think" bullshit. nothing but an author, an editor, a designer and a printer. one book at a time. no flash cards, no posters, no state standards. no teacher's editions, student editions, black line masters.

kids have been reading since the dawning of the written word. i don't understand why publishers have made it so fucking complicated to teach kids to read. you know how to teach a kid to read? READ THEM A FUCKING BOOK. every day. every night. all the time. buy them books to read. take them to the library. it's so damn easy and we make it so hard, with state standards, state adoptions, leveled-readers, decodable books. i learned about the kn- sound by having someone READ IT TO ME. you don't need to devote an entire TE chapter to it.

the only thing that holds me back from this is the ability to sell them and make money. i could publish all i want right at this moment... i know how to do it from start to finished book. but who would sell them and not tell me "oh, can you make that font on the cover pink instead of green?" anyone out there?

and how would i pay them? could i get a grant to make reading and publishing easier? all of the business models make me want to puke. i'm not out to grow 400% in two years. i need five people at most in the beginning. maybe 10 in the next 5 years. i do not want to acquire any larger publishers, nor do i want to be bought out by a larger publisher. i want to page layout for kids that doesn't require rubrics or graphs. remember pictures? i haven't designed with full color photos in 5 years. unless you count marketing pieces, which i don't. there is nothing educational about marketing.

anyone who is reading this probably knows why i feel like this. i am trying to relive my first job. maybe some people think i'm trying to relive my mid-20s. but it's more about getting back to the basics of reading. having good, decent books to read to kids. that kids would want to read. and i'm tired of applying to companies that either aren't hiring or don't want me. National Geographic? yes, i would LOVE to work for them. their Evanston office is more editorial than design. oh, and a lot of publishers are sending design overseas. you know what? i'd rather go broke paying local designers $10 a page than to ship my stuff overseas to save a few bucks and spend 90% of my time trying to tell them how to do a damn decent job.

i just want a job i enjoy again. i enjoyed learning while i worked. that happened to some extent at ALA, but i don't really have any applicable reason to use MARC records or how to catalog my reference department.

another thing i would avoid like the plague is this constant need to have interactive bullshit online. the only thing that would be online is the catalog. and maybe some web sites that have to do with the subject at hand. no ereaders, no leap frog, no interactive anything. pick up the book, turn the page. that's how one should interact with a book.

the printed page is becoming obsolete. maybe i shouldn't invest in a dying medium. or maybe by doing this, we can keep it alive.

where do i begin?

if you were a kid, what kind of books would YOU like to read?

christmas

2010-12-15T11:20:00.002-06:00

i don't know why we do this to ourselves. the second the month of december rolls around, we panic, making lists, buying crap we, and other people, don't need. meanwhile, we have a kitchen that needs fixing, a car that needs a new passenger side door and cats that need to go to the vet more often.

sometimes it's exhausting living in a capitalist society... buying, buying, buying. and why? because in the fourth century, some bishop named Nicholas liked giving stuff to the poor. it has nothing to do with Jesus, although the church will have you think otherwise. but instead of giving to the poor, we're buying plastic toys made in china for our kids to play with for about 5 minutes before being discarded for a cardboard box. i don't know when our priorities became so messed up. when did giving charity become the chump thing to do?

anyway, i'm stressed out because i still have all these gifts i've been forced to buy. i try to be good and not spend a lot of money, but then i get worried i'm going to come off as a cheapskate. so then, right at the end, i end up spending money on crap that no one wants.

sometimes i hate this time of the year.

2010-12-03T15:37:00.002-06:00

The louder my biological clock ticks, the more i think of the past. looking forward doesn't offer me anything.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

2010-12-03T14:25:00.002-06:00

meh. i don't think so. i'm not that type of rah-rah person, so i'll let this one go.

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

2010-12-03T14:20:00.002-06:00

i don't know. i'm fairly depressed right at this moment, so it's hard to be objective. i would like to finally lose that 20 pounds i've been struggling with for the past two years. i guess you can file that under "follow-through."

i find myself sliding out my previously established black-and-white world and things are slowly turning to gray. the things is, it's uncharted territory. things i was totally against 2-3 years ago don't sound so bad right now. things i would have judged people for don't seem so important today. i just wish i could say, "i'm going to change this about my life" and have the ability to do it without ruining any relationships or dynamic.

i would stop being so afraid of what i can't control and just do it, sink or swim.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

2010-12-03T14:11:00.002-06:00

Wondering what this is all about? Go here.

OK, I'm waaaay past my Day 28, but i'm determined to finish this.

If i got pregnant, i would be scared out of my mind. but because of choices made in a previous life, i would keep it and plow through with determination, laudenum and booze. i can't fuck up any more than sarah palin or the menedez parents, right?

my husband, on the other hand, would probably rather leave me than deal with the outcome. to each his own. he thinks having kids is akin to having your life sucked out of you with a vacuum. that i'd immediately make him get rid of anything that he might enjoy, because now that we have kids, you aren't allowed to have any fun or time to yourself ever again. sell your guitars, we need the second room "for the baaaaaaby!" fuck that. those words would never come out of my mouth. i hate simpering mothers enough to know better than that. i have this strange thought that if you try really hard, you really can get some sleep. you can take a shower. you can leave the house. i know, what do i know? you know what i know? i know that that kid won't remember a fucking thing until it learns to talk. it won't remember whimpering in it's crib while you took 2 minutes to pee. i mean, when did having a kid mean you have to give up EVERY OUNCE OF SELF-PRESERVATION?

i've said it before and i'll say it again: there is no Mother of the Year award. i know martyr sounds an awful like mother, but let's get some damn perspective, please.

anyway, i would keep it, i would name it something out of the IKEA catalog, and let every single useless female judge me all she wants. go fuck yourselves.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

2010-11-02T18:28:00.003-05:00

my knitting and freelance work.

my friends have been paying me to knit things for them, which is totally cool. and i've been getting jobs from outside companies to work in my own home, so i get to shuffle into the office at 10am to make changes, then i get to shuffle out to the couch and knit for the rest of the day while watching HGTV. life is good, i have to say.

of course, if we ever want to move or pay off our bills anytime soon, that might be a little tough. but hey, you take the good with the bad.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

2010-11-01T18:26:00.000-05:00

i'm sure i have, but i can't remember anything specific. i never had a "plan" or anything, but just disappearing certainly did have its appeal from time to time in the past.

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

2010-10-31T18:22:00.000-05:00

uh, because i look both ways before crossing the street?

no, really. i have no idea. i had a close encounter with death at the age of 22 when i ruptured my spleen but didn't know it. i went to sleep and slowly bled internally. by all accounts, i probably shouldn't have woken up, but alas, i did. 6 hours and an ambulance ride later, i wound up in ICU for 6 days. good times.

other than that, i think i'm just lucky. living in this city, i'm sure the age expectancy drops precipitously.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

2010-10-30T18:21:00.000-05:00

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I'll have to do this one when I have more time.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

2010-10-29T18:19:00.000-05:00

it would have totally changed the direction of my life from where i am now, but i really wish i would have moved to california in 1997 when i had the chance. i'm sure it would have led me to a divorce before the age of 25, but hey, you would have only lived once.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

2010-10-28T18:15:00.000-05:00

i wish i hadn't overlapped in some of my relationships. it is officially called "cheating" but most of the relationships were well on their way out, which is why i chose to indulge in extra-curricular activities. not one of my proudest past attributes.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

2010-10-27T18:14:00.000-05:00

go to the hospital and hope she's in good enough condition to hear my apologies. i'm not one to hold a grudge.

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

2010-10-26T18:11:00.001-05:00

believe it or not, i've never done drugs of any kind nor have i been drunk. but i have no problem with others doing them. i have no problem with marijuana, i think it should be legal. i think alcohol should be regulated more than it is and i think drunk drivers should get much much stiffer fines and jail.

i'm not a big fan of the harder drugs, like cocaine and heroin. and i really hate it when people abuse prescription drugs on the basis that "it was prescribed by a doctor." all excuses.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

2010-10-25T18:09:00.000-05:00

They are both so corrupt, it's hard to trust anyone who is deeply involved in either one. but i try not to hold it against people... unless they prevent people from living their lives the way they want. like gay marriage.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

2010-10-24T18:07:00.001-05:00

I'm all for it. They should be able to suffer along with the rest of us legally hitched people.

The only reason that people don't let gay people marry is that "they don't like it." well, there's a lot of stuff i don't like, but i don't force other people to think the same thing i do.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

2010-10-23T17:48:00.001-05:00

This Much I Know is True. it's about a brother and his schizophrenic identical twin. it made me view mental illness in a much different light.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

2010-10-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

advertising. i don't need some madison avenue asshole telling me what i should spend my money on. i mute commercials or turn them off entirely. take that, marking vultures.

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

2010-10-21T17:43:00.000-05:00

knitting.

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

2010-10-20T17:04:00.000-05:00

america. hands down.

dear america,

you were once great. you once protected the small and the weak. now you just make the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. you let us drown our sorrows in crappy TV and marketing gimmics that make us spend our hard-earned money instead of save it.

the politicians are taking over this great country and ruining it. taxes line politician's pockets instead of going to the things they should be going to. and the programs that are supposed to help those in need are the first ones to get cut in favor or military spending or the war on drugs.

you make me very sad, america.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

2010-10-19T16:59:00.000-05:00

i'd have to say when i got mad and pissy when i was younger, i would listen to "assimilate" by skinny puppy. really loud.

as i got older, it became "daisy chain for satan" by thrill kill kult. the screaming one. again, very loud. i'm sure these two songs prevented me from being arrested for assault and battery several times.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

2010-10-18T16:52:00.000-05:00

Wondering what this is all about? Go here.

my ability to cut down any one at any time. not a very handsome trait, i imagine. but sometimes it does make people laugh.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

2010-10-17T16:49:00.000-05:00

there are quite a few things i get complimented on, which is nice. my photographs. my designs. my sense of humor. my ability as a friend.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

2010-10-16T16:40:00.000-05:00

Wondering what this is all about? Go here.

given my propensity to hold onto people, there aren't a lot of these types of people in my life. these types of people are mostly professional relationships that i couldn't choose. and the one person i wish i had never met is my old boss, Karen.

i feel that i've written a lot about her in this blog. i'm still pissed as hell that she put her personal feelings in front of professional ethics. she flexed her managerial muscles because she could. because it was easier than her having to change her methods. because it was easier to deal with me.

she was a terrible boss, handled people poorly and it reflected on how i viewed her. and she knew it. too bad she couldn't just get past it.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

2010-10-15T16:18:00.000-05:00

Wondering what this is all about? Go here

Since I moved a lot when I was younger, there were a lot of people I didn't want to let go. But then I wouldn't have met a lot of the people I have over the years.

i think one friend that i have drifted from is one mr. jeff paul. this is the man that ruined me for all of my future bosses forever and ever. he trusted me and gave me the room to do what i wanted (within reason, of course) and he valued my opinion. we also would talk about everything and anything-music, sex, food, people, work, relationships. i was always invited when he went out and he introduced me to the non-student ann arbor. he also taught me about printing and customer service.

we kept in touch after i moved. we would talk every week or month or so, for hours at a time. he came to my wedding with his girlfriend and we still kept in touch after that. we would talk about how she wanted kids and he really really didn't. she's catholic and he's jewish. but then he just kind of... drifted... away. he called me a few months ago, i returned his call a few weeks after that (maybe a lot longer). the last i heard was that he and ann were going to go to the ren fair in bristol and he would call me later in the weekend. that was 3 months ago.

i know people drift apart, they may not have the every-day things to talk about. things change and so do people and we're forever stuck as that person you were 10 years ago. oh, well. we'll always be friends.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

2010-10-14T16:06:00.000-05:00

Wondering what this is all about? Go here.

i had an ex who lied to me about having cancer for 6 months. every day, i thought he was going to die in the very near future, especially when he would leave my roommates messages like, "Dave called. He said he's going into the hospital and that he loves you very much." then i'd frantically call every hospital in the NW chicago suburbs trying to find him. i lived in ann arbor, MI, at the time, so i ran up $400+ phone bills every months talking to him. he told me that he bought me an engagement ring and wanted to marry me.
he got so hard to deal with that i broke it off. he didn't have any friends, wasn't going to school and was barely working. he had nothing to contribute to the conversation other than how much he loved me, which got pretty old after a while. after we broke up, he threatened suicide. he got all of my friends in the chicago area (and one of my A2 roomies) all in a bunch, driving him around while he contemplated killing himself. finally, we called his parents and the truth came out.

it's still inconceivable that someone who claims they love you can do something as horrible as lie about having a life-threatening illness. i haven't seen him since the unveiling of the truth (15 years ago) and i always wonder what i would do if i ran into him. punch him in nuts? smile and say hello? laugh out loud (he was really funny before he became obsessive)? who knows?

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

2010-10-13T16:02:00.000-05:00

Wondering what this is all about? Go here

Hands down: my husband. i always worried that i would have hide a part of my outrageous personality in some way in order to find someone who was willing to marry me. that, or just not get married, which i was fine with as well. i wanted to find someone that i didn't have to nag, argue with, or just sit and wonder what the hell he was thinking. someone who was comfortable in his own skin. i also wanted someone who was independent and didn't have a hard time cutting the apron strings from mom and dad.

i thought i would have to compromise on at least one of those things (and many more issues that were important to me), but with Scott, i didn't have to give up a thing. he is everything i want in a spouse and then some. i cannot imagine living my life without him.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

2010-10-12T09:29:00.002-05:00

i hope i never have to identify anyone's body in the morgue.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

2010-10-11T09:27:00.001-05:00

weigh 120. ha! just kidding (see Day 3)

i'll need to come back to this one.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

2010-10-10T09:24:00.002-05:00

my old boss.

i hate her for firing me. i hate her for firing me for no real reason other than i wasn't married to the job like she was. yes, i made mistakes. but evidently making mistakes had a double-standard-she could make as many as she wanted, but i couldn't make any. and one of the reasons she fired me was because a 2-day UPS package didn't get there on time. it was just a bunch of excuses to get rid of me because she didn't like me.

i am trying to forgive her for being a shitty manager. it may take a while, though.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

2010-10-09T09:22:00.000-05:00

being overweight. i'm not fat, per se, but fatty. i have been struggling with this for a long time, but recently (since i've started certain meds) i've gained more weight. and every time i look in the mirror or go clothes shopping, i hate myself just a little more. and i need to forgive myself for that.

and again, see Day 1. i have very poor follow-through.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

2010-10-08T09:18:00.000-05:00

yeah, i'm behind. see Day 1.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

i am very outgoing when it comes to people. i'll talk to anyone. i think it's the product of my having moved a lot during my formative years. i can make friends with anyone.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

2010-10-07T17:43:00.004-05:00

30 days of truth. why not? i saw this on another blog and thought I'd give it a try.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

i hate that i have no willpower. i have tried losing weight, saving money, doing large projects, but i just get overwhelmed with how much of a long-term commitment they all are. i find it hard to think outside of my own box. when i'm hungry, i'll eat the first thing that i see or buy the first thing i'm craving. when i think i need to save money, i'll not spend any money for a while, but then there will be something i want and i'll just buy it without thinking about it. i suck.

more dreams

2010-09-17T21:45:00.002-05:00

i was just remembering another dream i had the other night. it involved another ex, but this one i'm actually still on speaking terms with.

i had stopped by his house, where he was living with his girlfriend. in reality, he's engaged, with a wedding waaaay far off. they were living together, but i'm not sure if they're in the same state at the moment. anyway, he was so excited to tell me that "they were going to have a baby." i got SO ANGRY that i threw my keys against the window and broke his vertical blinds. i said, "i don't care if you're having a baby!" i think earlier in the dream, someone else was having a baby or just had one or something. i remember thinking that i'm being left behind. or rather, i am the only smart one and everyone else is delusional. or i was insanely jealous. i don't know what it was, but i was in a rage.

dreams

2010-09-17T09:49:00.002-05:00

i wish my brain would keep the past in the past. last night, i had a dream about one of my ex boyfriends from about 15 years ago. but he wasn't physically him, he was really an old friend that i have never had sexual attraction to, which made the dream really awkward. like the romantic attachment to the past and to a person i haven't spoken to in 13 years was there, but then when he wanted to get close, it was kind of a revulsion. and i'm in no way saying i'm still attracted to this person, but it was very odd. it was like having a dream in which your husband is physically a brother. barf.

but at one point in the dream, we were walking around a town and he started to have chest pains. ok, the ex is only 2 years older than i, but the friend is about 15+ years older. but i was thinking, wow, you really haven't taken care of yourself over the years. but having seen the ex's car filled with crumpled fast food bags, this really wouldn't be a surprise in real life. anyway, despite protests, i grabbed his iPhone (of course) and dialed 911. i got some dispatch officer on the line and told them of the situation and she said that it wasn't a big deal and that she wasn't going to send an ambulance. nice!

i feel it's a comment on how i am getting older and almost to the point where my friends are going to start having to deal with poor health. our parents are already having to deal with this crap, but a friend dropping on the sidewalk because of a heart attack isn't something i can deal with yet. it's difficult to separate the two, friend v boyfriend, but it seems that this could happen to either one of them.

also, back at the apartment of the ex, it wasn't any apartment i'd ever been in in my life, but in my dream, it was his old college apartment. but it smelled dank and musty, like no one had been there in years. it was just really creepy.

gotta love dreams.

i guess i'm back

2010-09-15T10:14:00.002-05:00

i have been thinking about stuff to blog about, but i haven't been very good about actually getting back online to post it. instead, i post truncated versions on my facebook page. but i think i may be officially back to posting my full opinions about things that are crucial to the integrity of the world.

my biggest opponent today: laziness.

almost every night, i lay in bed and think about all of the things i'm going to do the next day. it goes something like this: "i'll get up with scott (at 6am) and go out for bike ride or a long walk. then i'll come back and design those business cards. then i'll clean up the front yard, apply for jobs, rearrange the fridge, swap out my art bins, finish my nephew's birthday gift and then i'll take my laptop to starbucks and work on some stuff." sometimes solving world hunger and running for alderman are stuck in there, too. so it takes me a while to get to sleep.

then i wake up with scott, fall back asleep until 9am, lay around in bed checking my email and facebook on my iPod, shuffle in to the living room, turn on the TV, check facebook again, eat cereal, shuffle around some more, do the dishes, watch more TV, and wish I was more proactive.

this happens almost every day.

but now i think i'm actually going to go for a walk. after my ipod is done being updated.

more stuff

2010-09-14T21:02:00.002-05:00

1. Where is your cell phone? in my ear
2. Where is your significant other? couch
3. Your hair color? dyed
4. Your mother? hilarious
5. Your father? cool
6. Your favorite thing? ipod
7. Your dream last night? strange
8. Your dream/goal? job
9. The room you’re in? den
11. Your fear? mediocrity
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? successful
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you’re not? Shy
15. One of your wish-list items? house
16. Where you grew up? tecumseh
17. The last thing you did? design
18. What are you wearing? sweats
19. Your TV? movie
20. Your pet? sleeping
21. Your computer? great
22. Your mood? good
23. Missing someone? no
24. Your car? silver
25. Something you’re not wearing? coat
26. Favorite store? joann
27. Your summer? loving
28. Love someone? Always
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? everyday
31. Last time you cried? fortnight

where to begin

2010-09-14T20:16:00.003-05:00

i am still unemployed. i'm really trying to make the best of it, but it's really hard to focus on one thing and make it work. i've got nothing but options and none really seem to appeal to me. right now, i'm working with a woman on design projects, which is cool. at least i'm not letting my mad fat skillz go to waste. i'm also selling my knitting like gang-busters. sometimes i wish i had the patience to just sit and knit all day long, but alas, i don't. but i'm really happy where my knitting is going and i'm glad other people enjoy it, too. :)

then there's school. so. many. option. first, the medical field. i can't seem to slog through organic chem, so i think about what options are available to me without that particular class. i could be a nurse. eh. i could probably go into research, but how far can i get without a real science degree, including o chem? i could just do the biology thing. what could i do with that, tho?

then there's my current career. i could expand on that, i guess. i could take some design classes. meh. then there's photography. LOVE photography, but like design, i'm not all that great at it. sure, i have a good pic now and then, but i'm no ansel adams. and all of the classes at the community college would be something i've already learned. but to have the option to go back into the darkroom is very tempting. and i think the key to becoming a great photographer is just to take more pictures. so i try to bring my good camera with me everywhere i go.

then there's numbers. love numbers. i'm not just my condo association's treasurer for nothing. me and excel... we're like this. so i thought about applying at H&R Block to become a tax preparer. i'm not getting a job in my field, so why not? pay for the class ($149) and then voila! i make $7+ an hour to see how other people spend their money and tell them how they can keep more of it. i kind of like that option. it's just getting off my butt to sign up for the class. and to not feel like it's some sort of scam.

then there's a part time job. i've applied at starbucks, jewel, target. haven't heard a peep. i have an interview at Pivot Point on Thursday for a freelance position. i'm very curious as to how that job is going to play out. I'm looking forward to it, tho.

so, back on the unemployment bandwagon. another year's worth of dole money. let's hope i don't need it all.

from the desk of a lackey

2010-05-06T13:44:00.003-05:00

last night i had a dream that i had to sneak back into my old place of work (which looked mysteriously like a school) and get some stuff or something like that. i ran into a bunch of people i knew who didn't know i was fired. they kept asking me to do stuff for them. the exchange would be "oh, i'm glad you're back! i have all this stuff that i wanted only you to do!" i didn't want to tell them that i wasn't supposed to be there, so i did some of the projects that needed to be done. i snuck into an empty office and, keeping a vigilant eye out for my old boss, completed the work. at one point, i left and needed to come back in, but i didn't have a badge (of course), but you needed to check in with an actual human being, so i told her my name, waiting to be found out. but my name was still on the list. so i got back in. then, at some point, my old boss spotted me, despite my trying to hide from her, but she didn't say anything or do anything. i left shortly after that.

then i went home, where i was hoping my friend Diane would be there, as we had made plans. i saw someone inside the front window (it was a house, not a third-floor condo walk-up) and i thought it was diane. but upon closer inspection, it was my old boss. she wanted to hang out with me and be friends.

this dream made me very very sad. her actions have completely de-railed my life and she couldn't possibly care. and despite the fact that she claimed i was incompetent, you will never convince me (or anyone else i worked with) of that. it was 100% personal and she acted in a way very unbecoming of a manager. of course, she was absolved of all wrong-doing because HER boss supported her.

and it's not like i didn't bust my ass to please her. but every time i forgot something or make a mistake, it was back to square one. because the higher up you go, the less your mistakes matter? no, it's because the transparency gets less and less. the higher you are, the easier it is to lie about your mistakes or hide them from other people. like the emperor's new clothes. people HAVE to believe you. i couldn't call her out on her mistakes... i'm just a lackey. beneath her. less than. and her boss felt the same way about me that she did. so what do you do? try to be perfect? ha. how long can that last? about 6 months with me.

so now i sit here, a temp with no permanence, no hope, no confidence, nothing really to look forward to, because she didn't like me.

Tecumseh

2010-03-28T21:41:00.006-05:00

as some of you might know, i grew up all over the damn midwest. my dad had the hankering for upward momentum, so when he got a better job, we would move. it makes answering the question, "so where did you grow up?" kind of hard. but i say that i spent my formative years in Tecumseh, MI.

we moved there when i was 6 or 7. 1981. it's a small town between ann arbor and the ohio border, almost at the junctions of M50 & M52. at the time i was there, it had about 7 inhabitants. and it's always had a rich history. it may have been there that i found my love of old, beautiful things.

when i was about 11, my friend brook and i used to ride our bikes all over the city. we had a map, modes of transportation and nothing but time. we would follow old train tracks, search abandoned buildings, and basically go as far as our legs could take us. one day in 1985, we rode past this old, empty building on Evans street. not really having the eye for empty buildings i have now, i had no idea that it was the old train depot. looking in the dirty windows, there was a motorcycle, a can of gasoline, and some random construction odds and ends. Bare wooden walls, no lights, nothing. it looked like a sad old extra building from Little House on the Prairie. brook and tried to get in, but it was locked up pretty tight and breaking windows was beneath us. so we looked around and then carried on with our exploring elsewhere.

little did i know that we were peering into a huge piece of Tecumseh history.

it was the old train depot. and if i had bothered to look around, i would have noticed the defunct train tracks and old abandoned crossing signs feet away from it. built in 1885, the building was a station for the Detroit, Toledo and Milwaukee Railroad and the Lakeshore, Michigan-Southern Railroad in its early days. From 1914 to 1968, it served the New York Central Railroad, and that was that.

but in October 1986, the Tecumseh Historical Society received the old building as a gift from Tecumseh Plywood, and they decided to move it and renovate it. I don't know why I wasn't one of the kids watching them move this huge building, but i must have been sleeping that day. actually, i didn't really know they moved the building until just before we moved away in 1987, but the renovation wasn't complete. but imagine my surprise when i noticed that building brook and i tried to break into placed on a prominent spot on Chicago Boulevard. my 13-year-old brain said, "huh. look at that." and that was all.

when i came to visit about a year later, my friend jenni and i visited the building, which was turned into a visitor's center and gift shop. all painted and brought back to its original glory, it was really was a sight to behold. and there began my love of historical societies and people who see the beauty in old things and enjoy bringing them back to life instead of destroying them.

Depot in 1905.

Taft taking the train through Tecumseh.

The Depot today.

Life timeline

2010-02-23T18:41:00.003-06:00

hello, life crossroads. where do i from here? i have several options.

1) get a real job in my current field, sit behind a desk making money for someone i don't know.

2) work on building my own business. peer into a future of unknowns for the rest of my working life, but make money for me and for something i can stand behind.

3) change careers without going to school. not sure to what, but it's been done before.

4) actually use all of the knowledge i've soaked up through the years and go into the medical field of microbiology. go back and get my 2nd bachelors.

5) go to grad school.

6) give up on the whole "working" and "school" thing and sponge off the hubby forever.

hey, #6 is an option. not very viable, but it's an option.

OK, let's discuss.

1) perfectly doable. it's easy, i know what i'm doing and i'm pretty good at it. it's not challenging and the field is slowly disappearing, and not in a good "oh, it's rare so you'll get paid more" kind of way. the last gig i interviewed for was only for a 12-18 month contract position. so, after that was over, i would be at square one. and i'm tired of being a square one.

2) again, totally doable. the hard thing is wrangling up customers. it seems everyone i work with via freelance i offend in someway and i never hear from them again. i'm not sure if it's my attitude or my work. i would much rather be the guy behind the scenes and have someone else getting the work. and there's always that problem with losing customers or not getting them in the first place. and there's a lot of money up front for brochures and whatnot that needs to be done. and i am my own worst design critic. so finishing up a brochure for my own company could take the better part of a year.

3) there are a lot of things i would rather be doing than sitting behind a desk. EMT, park district worker, personal assistant, delivery person. none of these things require that you go back to school for an extended period of time. for the EMT, you have to take a test and there are classes, but it's not like getting another bachelors.

4) i've only been dreaming about this since 1999. maybe it's time to shit or get off the pot. i finally told my husband that if i don't get this last job that i wanted to go to school full-time. what i just read on the UIC website is that a lot of 2nd bachelors don't get financial aid. great. that gives me hope.

5) go directly to grad school. apply directly to the micro/immuno MS/PhD program at UIC. they have incredibly limited spots. but the classes i have taken don't expire, which is good. the only thing holding me back is organic chemistry. and i have to take physics and calc. no biggie, really.

6) yeah, if i want to stay married, this isn't going to happen.

OK, so let's say 5 is my best bet. here's a timeline:

Summer 2010: take calc. work at starbucks part or full time.
Fall 2010: take physics and organic chemistry. is this really a good idea? i can't apply to the micro/immuno program until Fall 2011 anyway.
Winter 2011: organic 2. yeah, if 1 doesn't kill me. huzzah.

i am hoping to get in at another starbucks so i can have a job. going to school full time used to mean carrying at least 12 credits. i just can't fathom that, but i haven't done that in 15 years. i'm sure i could cough some extra classes to take. i would take them at City College so i wouldn't have to pay a billion dollars. i suppose i could look into college of dupage or oakton.

but i would have to take the GRE. the summer of 2011. and if i get into the program, then i would be there for 3 years if i wanted a MS or 4 or 5 if i wanted a PhD.

and scott just said to me that he would be all for it if i wanted to go back to school full time, but that i had to be serious about it and follow through. i think what was holding me back was, well, the obvious financial burden, but wondering if he would be cool about it.

but what if i take the rest of my classes and then don't get into the program? will all of my hard work be done for? i guess there are other programs out there. i could try Rush. it's all a crap shoot. at the heart of my self-esteem i am just an artist. i have never been outstanding at anything really. i got compliments from my Bio 1 teacher, my college algebra and my chem teacher. but then i hit the wall at organic. and i didn't really do all that great in chemistry, but i loved it. i'm worried that i'm getting into something that will be above my head. microbiology research? i guess i won't know until i do it.

dear potential employers

2010-02-20T23:27:00.003-06:00

know that i am burned out. to a crisp. i used to have dreams of being a successful graphic designer, but i think those words are an oxymoron. i am not willing to sell my soul to be an agency player, so i am stuck in the wimpy design professions... publishing.

well, let me tell you about publishing. if the company is big enough to have a decent in-house staff, then it's probably run by ass-kissing idiots. if it's too small to have a large design staff, then it's probably run by one megalomaniac who will make you get his/her dry cleaning or get cream for their coffee. if you attempt to be assertive or unique in any way that might show up your low-minded boss, chances are you'll be thrown out like so much trash.

and after 15 years of devoting your life to the one thing you thought might make you happy until you retired (and back then you believed you could retire at actual retirement age), you've been used like a cheap, useless secretary and tossed away like a piece of shit. you now have nothing to offer anyone that they can't get from someone else at a cheaper price.

i can do anything you want in the design world. really. if i don't know it, i'll learn it. and i'll learn it well. not like other slackers who will bitch about having to do extra work, having to learn something outside their comfort zone. i mean, i'm not going to learn quantum physics or solve the world's energy crisis, but i'm willing to learn anything within reason.

i am not a piece of shit. i am also not a burden to management staff, regardless of what my ex-boss think and lies about to HR. i will revolutionize your department if you let me. and i want to. i don't just want to sit behind a desk for the rest of my life, punching buttons. but if you don't want me to come up with new ideas and try to streamline processes or organize messes, then don't bother hiring me. if you don't want someone who is smart and talented way beyond the classic designer, then don't even finish reading this sentence. if you THINK you'd want me, you hire me, and you turn out to be a petty asshole who does nothing else but point out my minor flaws, like maybe forgetting to attach something to an email, then go back to counting your beans and micromanaging your children. if all you want is someone to boss around, look elsewhere.

i'm smarter and better than anyone you'll ever hire. and you don't even know it.

my blog is jealous of facebook

2009-12-02T14:12:00.002-06:00

let's face it. with more than a month between this post and my last, blogging isn't my thing these days. not that i had a huge following, but i had a few people that read it pretty regularly. now i know those people on facebook and my blog... well, it's collecting dust. i am just posting now because i have down-time at work (yes, i'm blogging at work) and i thought instead of doing all of my xmas shopping in one day, i'd do some things i can't seem to bother with at home.

let me clarify: i am blogging at work because i have some serious down-time. as in "read a book, surf the internet, chill out" down time. as in "i can't even look like i'm seriously busy because i haven't been here long enough to have 1) a computer to organize, 2) a desk to clean, 3) people to chat with. we're between projects right now, in a holding pattern, and my bosses know that i (and the other temps) don't have anything to do. so stop freaking out.

anyway, there are many things i wanted to blog about over the past weeks, but i have instead truncated those thoughts and posted them to facebook. they aren't nearly as eloquent on FB as i could be here, but blogging takes much more time. not that i don't have time... i go home at the end of the day and i knit. or cook. or watch a movie. but really, nothing that interesting has been going in my life that requires a serious blog entry.

ok, here's something: i am commuting for the first time in my life. to pass the time, i have started listening to NPR again. and i find myself getting angry and yelling at the little people in the radio over the dumbest things. our government is so f*cking stupid. here is why the US will never be organized or effective:

1) we're too fucking big. we're breeding ourselves right out of a voice.
2) there are too many people who have too many f*cking opinions. and they think they matter.

i've been listening to that health care reform fiasco and i want to slap all of the republicans and the anti-abortion people right across the face. with a cat-o-nine-tails. ok, catholic church. you don't have a say in what our government does. in a perfect world, separation of church and state would actually happen. i can't believe they can take the word "God" out of our Pledge of Allegiance, but we can't keep the catholic diocese from ruining our health care plan. really, people? it's better to let the poor die of preventable health problems than to let the government (who doesn't give you one red cent, by the way, church) give a few people some abortions. and you know what? those people who would take the Public Option are the ones who need kids the LEAST.

so, here is my health care reform idea: make insurance companies and hospitals non-profit. no more public trading. no more stock holders. no more worrying about whether that brain surgery for mr. smith will put BCBS into the red. this is people's lives were dealing with here. not who gets the most dividends. i'm tired of living in a country where money rules everything, even whether or not someone gets the medical treatment they need.

oh, and pharmaceutical companies would be thrown in there for good measure. no more doctors in your pockets. no more $120 allegra-d. you make meds because they help people. that's it. no more advertising. if you need a drug, someone's doctor will recommend it because it will help what the person has, not because there's a quota.

i know i won't live to see the day when we all realize that capitalism is ruining our country. the people who do realize it now are either too poor or too high to do anything about it.

anyway, that's my blog for the month. feel free to comment on how i'm a filthy liberal hippy
who is too busy knitting my hemp bong holder to see how the real world works. i welcome those opinions.

Guide to the Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors

2009-10-31T11:12:00.006-05:00

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR I
Bad Dream House
The Simpsons move into a haunted house. When Marge forces the house to find a way to live in harmony, the house has other ideas.
Hungry are the Damned
Kang and Kodos are introduced in this episode that features the Simpsons being abducted. Lisa thinks the aliens are going to eat them, but her cynicism causes consternation.
The Raven
Edgar Allan Poe's classic tale with Marge and Lenore and Bart as the Raven.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR II
Lisa's Nightmare
A remake of The Monkey's Paw.
Homer's Nightmare
A remake of Frankenstein, where Burns attempts to make Homer into a perfect worker robot... sort of.
Bart's Nightmare
A remake of a classic Twilight Zone episode, where Bart can read minds.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR III
Clown Without Pity
Bart's birthday present turns out to be evil.
King Homer
A remake of King Kong, with Homer as the main character.
Dial Z for Zombie
Bart causes trouble when he raises the dead.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR IV
The Devil and Homer Simpson
Homer sells his soul for a donut, with hilarious consequences.
Nightmare at 5 1/2 Feet
Gremlins are taking the bus apart... and no one believes Bart.
Bart Simpson's Dracula
Burns is Dracula in this awesome remake.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR V
The Shinning
Another great remake with Homer as Jack Nicholson.
Time and Punishment
Homer fixes the toaster, which then serves as a portal through time.
Nightmare Cafeteria
Skinner and Lunch Lady Doris are killing kids and serving them up as school food.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR VI
Attack of the 50 Foot Eyesores
After Homer steals the Lard Lad's giant donut, all of the ad statues in town come to life and attack.
Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace
Groundskeeper Willie terrorizes kids in their dreams.
Homer3
Homer tries to hide from his sisters-in-law and finds himself in the third dimension.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR VII
The Thing and I
Bart finds out that he has a twin, who has some plans to rejoin them.
The Genesis Tub
Lisa grows a little society by accident using a baby tooth and soda.
Citizen Kang
Kang and Kodos steal the bodies of US leaders to try to take over the planet.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR VII
The Homega Man
When a neutron bomb destroys the city, Homer is the only one left alive. Or so he thinks.
Fly v. Fly
When Homer buys a matter transporter, Bart has some interesting plans for it.
Easy Bake Oven
In 1649, the town finds out that Marge is a witch.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR IX
Hell Toupee
Horrible things happen when Homer gets a hair transplant from an executed Snake.
The Terror of Tiny Toon
Lisa and Bart are sucked into a Halloween episode of Itchy and Scratchy.
Starship Poopers
It turns out that Maggie has other family roots, which start to show as she turns 2.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR X
I Know What You Diddly-iddly-did
Homer finds out that Ned has an interesting condition that comes out about once a month.
Desperately Xeeking Xena
Lucy Lawless is in this episode with Comic Book Guy, as he tries to steal her for his life-size collection.
Life's a Glitch and Then You Die
Homer forgot to update the power plant for 2000 with hilarious consequences.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR XI
G-g-ghost D-d-dad
Homer's horoscope predicts his death. He tries to get sent back to Earth by performing good deeds which sometimes don't work out.
Scary Tales Can Come True
A remake of Hansel and Gretel.
Night of the Dolphin
Lisa destroys the town when she frees the leader of a deadly dolphin gang, who takes over the town.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR XII
Hex and the City
Homer has a curse put on him by a gypsy.
House of Whacks
Marge's automatic Ultrahouse 3000 falls in love with her and tries to kill Homer.
Wiz Kids
A Harry Potter remake, with Burns as Montymort.

TREEHOUSE OF HORROR XIII
Send in the Clones
Homer finds out his hammock can duplicate humans. So he decides that more of him is a good thing... for a while.
The Fright to Creep and Scare Harms
Lisa gets rid of guns in Springfield, but this invites zombie outlaws to take over.
The Island of Dr. Hibbart
A remake of Island of Dr. Moreau, where people are slowly turning into animals.

Camping recap

2009-10-18T09:43:00.010-05:00

It rained.

We got there Friday night around 7 est (Michigan being in another time zone), which wasn't too bad. We still had to set up our tents in the dark, but strategically placed headlights made it better. We weren't even the last ones there. The people who were already there, Diane, Lynn, Tina, Justin, Connor, and Annie, had a huge fire going in the fire pit. After we set everything up and tried not to freeze our butts off (it had been much warmer in the car), we ate some hot dogs and hamburgers.

The rest of the posse showed up, Ruth, Rob and Todd. Later, Marc graced us with his presence. ;) I put on another layer of fleece and dug out a blanket and our camping chairs and staked a place by the fire. I've never sat so close to a fire before where we weren't trying to keep the mosquitos away. The one nice thing about cold weather camping is that you don't have to worry about bugs so much. Anyway, the s'mores came out, it started to rain, and then we were all ready for bed around 11.

Then the fun started.

Our supplies consisted of: a good sleeping bag, a bad sleeping bag, a pink wool blanket, a fleece blanket, a crocheted purple blanket, a full size comforter, an air mattress, and a sheet to cover the air mattress. To wear, I had long johns and thick fleece PJ bottoms, a long-sleeved black fleece, a pink long sleeved thermal top, a tank top, double-thick socks and another thicker pink fleece coat. Oh, and my hat and scarf. Scott had two pairs of PJ bottoms, one fleece and the other flannel, two pairs of socks, long sleeved shirt, t-shirt, and a hat.

But there was no getting warm.

I couldn't fall asleep because I couldn't get comfortable enough. If my nose wasn't freezing then whatever side of my body that was on the air mattress was. I can't sleep on my back, so my hips or my front would get really cold, soaking into several layers of my clothing like water. Scott had zipped himself into the crappy sleeping bag to keep his feet (which hang over the side of the air mattress) warm, but it also cut him off from my body heat. I had put the good sleeping bag over the both of us, but it eventually slipped off Scott, so I tucked it under me to prevent the cold from the mattress from seeping in. I also had the crocheted blanket. Scott had the fleece blanket over him. We had placed the comforter under the mattress to stop the cold from coming through and we had placed the pink blanket on top of the mattress for the same reason. We eventually realized that this arrangement wasn't going to work. We pulled the comforter out from under the mattress and put it over Scott and I wrapped the good sleeping bag around me as much as possible. After getting up 4 TIMES in night to make bathroom trips, I finally fell asleep at 2am. I thought Scott had fallen asleep because he was snoring at some point, but I found out at around 5am that he hadn't because he was so cold. We rearranged the blankets one more time, putting the good sleeping bag on the mattress and moved the pink blanket on top of us under the comforter. I fell back asleep until 7ish, woke up when I heard other people getting up, put in ear plugs and went back to sleep until 10. Scott said he was finally warm, but still couldn't sleep all that well. We decided that we wouldn't stay a second night unless we bought a some better sleeping bags, which we really couldn't afford.

Shannon got up when we did. We told her that we weren't sure about staying another night. She said that she was also cold and had a hard time sleeping, so if we wanted to bail on a second night, then she would be ok with that. We decided that we would leave after dinner that night.

Saturday was totally awesome. It was sunny. We gathered around the fire to eat baked goods and drink coffee and apple cider. The plan for the day was lunch, lighthouse museum, wine tasting. And we weren't in any hurry. So around noon, we headed to New Buffalo to the Stray Dog for lunch. It was so nice to be in a warm car. And in a warm restaurant. We stayed until about 1:30 or 2. Then Ruth, Rob and Todd headed back to the camp site to hang out while the rest of us got our education on at the Old Lighthouse Museum. That was a hoot. It was weird because the lighthouse was so far back from the harbor, but we later learned that was because they filled in the water for the marina. Because of this, they had put another beacon light farther out in the water and turned the old lighthouse into a museum. We decided, because we're all gluttons for punishment, to head out to see the newer lighthouse. It was pretty cool despite the brisk wind and chilly weather.

Then we met Diane and Lynn (who didn't feel like freezing their asses off at the pier) at Oink's to get ice cream. Yeah, you read that right. Ice cream. They didn't have the one I wanted (amaretto chocolate chunk), so I decided to save my calories for something later. Then we got some cappuccino across the street at Marilyn's. It was exactly 4pm, so the guy said they were closed. I asked very sweetly, "Can we beg you for some quick coffee?" They awesomely obliged. What was also awesome is that they serve Metropolis coffee from Chicago. It was meant to be obviously.

Then we went back to the camp site to pick up Ruth, Rob and Todd for the wine tasting and drop off Justin, Tina, and the kids so they could go hop the dunes. Then we headed out to the Round Barn Wineries. Right as we were getting ready to leave, the clouds opened up and it started pouring and SLEETING! Until this point, it had sprinkled on and off, but it never really rained enough to cause any discomfort. Well, this caused discomfort. We ran for the car and drove off to the winery. It rained the whole ride there, for about 15 minutes. By the time we got there, it had stopped. Lynn, Scott, and I went to the beer tasting barn and Shannon, Diane, Ruth, Rob, and Todd went to the wine barn. The beers were ok, nothing fantastic. One was so horribly bitter I couldn't believe that they would actually distribute something like that. After the beer tasting, we headed over to the wine barn and found the rest of the gang swirling and sipping. Shannon ended up buying a sweet white wine. Rob and Ruth bought 6 bottles of wine and they got this really cool recycled bag with 6 bottle compartments. Scott was tempted to purchase a bottle of their vodka, but he ended up not doing it.

We then headed back to the (now wet) camp site to pack up our (now wet) stuff. Gross. Not only was everything wet and sandy, but it was freezing cold. We eventually got packed up and then we settled in revival tent for dinner and conversation. On the menu were pita pizzas, which were such a great idea. Tina and Justin brought the ingredients, including sausage, pepperoni, onions, crushed tomatoes, green peppers, cheese, and black olives. Tina was the chef, you made your little pita the way you wanted it, she put it in foil and placed it on the grate over the fire and in a few minutes (depending on the cooperation of the fire), you had yourself a crispy little pizza! It was cool because you could eat when you wanted to, since not everyone was hungry all at the same time, so Tina wasn't cooking 100 pizzas all at once. I split one with Scott. It was just cool, hanging out in the revival tent, then coming out to stand around the fire. With 13 people, there was always a conversation to join, all of them strange and enjoyable.

Around 9:30pm, the s'mores came out. We tried the pie iron, but the fire was too hot and the bread ended up being totally charcoaled. After Shannon's peanut butter and chocolate s'more, we said our goodbyes and left.

On the way home, it rained again. And again. And again. I said to Scott, "I am very glad that we decided to head home." It was supposed to be even colder that night. And no one really gave us a hard time. Every one thought that if we weren't prepared to be in cold weather, then it probably wasn't very safe to stay. I guess I didn't realize how cold 30 degrees was going to be. On the ground. In a tent. With no heaters. Or cold-weather sleeping bags. Everyone else had some sort of combination of heater or decent equipment. Ruth and Rob had a tent that attaches to the back of their mini-van plus heat lamps. Diane and Lynn had a tent heater and good sleeping bags. Justin and Tina had sheer numbers of people in their tent, plus better equipment. Todd... I think he just sucked it up. I have to say that I was disappointed that we bailed, but I think, given the weather, it was the right thing to do. Plus I was out-voted 2 to 1. But now we know that if we're ever going to do this again (and I seriously doubt we ever will), we'll have to get better gear.

It was still an awesome time. I'm glad we went.

camping

2009-10-15T09:01:00.002-05:00

we're camping this weekend. you might ask, "why the hell would you do something like that? what are you thinking?" well, we made the plans in August, when we had hoped that the weather would even out instead of being unseasonable cold. but if you look at the right side of my screen, you'll see that weather bug. and you'll see that it is indeed unseasonable cold. but we already paid for our spots. and being out of work, losing that money would be bad. although it's already spent. i think we've wasted more than that in bad groceries.

anyway, i'm curious about camping in cold weather. according to The Weather Channel, the high friday is going to be 44 with a low of 34. the high saturday is going to 47 with a low of 33. According to NOAA, it's going to be a high of 45 on friday, low 32, high of 46 on saturday, low of 31. there is also rain/snow slated for friday. sigh. since we have never camped in this late in the season, we don't really have any cold weather camping gear. we have a typical tent with a rain fly, but it's made of ordinary ripstop fabric. the one really good camping bag i have is rated for a low of 40 degrees. we do, however, have a ton of blankets, several layers of clothes and body heat. i'm just worried about what we're going to do during the day. i don't know how cold it'll be to sit around and chat. and i don't want to sit in our tents, shivering all day. i looked up some things to do that will be inside, so hopefully we'll stay warm and together.

just pray it doesn't rain.

ADD

2009-10-04T22:39:00.003-05:00

i've been wondering if my lack of attention to detail and the many mistakes i've made on the job can be attributed to ADD. I found a quiz online and with the results came this handy-dandy graphic. How convenient to be able to display your incompetence to the world!

anger

2009-10-04T21:26:00.003-05:00

tomorrow marks another day in which i am still unemployed. it's not for lack of trying. but what really chaps my ass is the fact that i am unemployed. for no real reason than for the fact that i made a few mistakes. sometimes i wake up at night and i am in that room with my aggressors spewing crap at me about how i didn't line up baselines and a 2-day package didn't arrive on time and that was a good enough basis to fire me. granted, this wasn't the first batch of "mistakes" i had made. i make mistakes all the time. show me someone who is perfect and i'll show you someone who doesn't have to answer to anyone, like my boss. she made plenty of mistakes, but no one but me knew. and silly me, i didn't report her to HR for them, a tactic that she wasn't kind enough to reciprocate. i have issues with authority, especially when that authority is passive and weak and just does what the higher-ups want her to do without really thinking about it, making it us versus them or me versus her. never mind that someone had once told me that i would be getting that position. never mind that her boss told me that he had bigger plans for me in the way of new projects. never mind that i had been lied to since my interview. i feel like my tenure at ALA was not unlike the process of finding all the flaws in our "newly built" condo... the people in the know kept certain important items to themselves and then i/we were held accountable for the problems that popped up. in the condo's case, we had to shell out $3000 each to fix the roof. in my job's case, i felt used and lied to and got fired.

what but really pisses me off is that i sat there in that meeting and took it. like a fucking pussy. and everyone's been saying, "oh, you did the right thing. you went out with dignity." fuck that. i don't give two shits about dignity. i care about the truth. if i had really done anything wrong that was worthy of getting fired, i wouldn't be so angry. but that list of crap just keeps popping up my head again and again. and see those two sitting at the table, with the HR woman across from me, telling me in not so many words, that i am a completely useless piece of shit. that it would be easier to run the department without me because i fuck up so much. and the one last hurrah that i tried to save my ass ended up kicking me in it because i wasn't supposed to transmit confidential information over company email. and all three of them gave conspired looks at one another like, "wow, she really is an idiot. she deserves to be fired." there wasn't one advocate on my side in that room. and my attempt to find advocates just failed miserably. this is typical of ALA in that 1) there was no HR person in the initial termination proceeding meeting to tell me that this information was confidential, 2) they give you enough rope to hang yourself. when karen said that my email was "highly inappropriate," i wanted to jump up and slap her. "until you've been in my shoes, you stupid cunt, don't you tell me what's appropriate." since you're treating me like this, you don't ever get to tell me what to do again. so go fuck yourself.

and it wouldn't have mattered if said that. if i would have told HR all of the mistakes that she had make that wasted time, that cost money. the mistakes where all i could do is say, "ok, i'll change that back." or the one that cost our department $100 in notepads where troy just said, "that's ok. just be careful next time." and i asked her if she knew we had about 100 notepads in the supply closet. no, she didn't, she said. well, thanks for asking anyone. but she didn't get written up for that. none of my mistakes cost ALA any money that anyone has been able to point out to me. but evidently it doesn't matter.

now i have lost all confidence in any kind of job i can do. i make mistakes all the time. will they cost me my next job? if i wouldn't have made any mistakes at ALA would they have found some other reason to let me go? i hated that job mostly because i hated working for karen. she was passive-agressive and didn't know how to lead. she just knew how to tell people what to do, which does not a great manager make. but troy thinks her shit doesn't stink. they are a match made in heaven. they can go on and give a shit about a division that doesn't mean a goddamn thing to the real world. and to miss karen, who's had maybe one other job before ALA, she doesn't know what the real world is. she doesn't know what it's like to share wealth of knowledge or understand that other people might know more than her about certain things. but because i didn't work for ALA for 8 years, that meant i didn't know a fucking thing. well, if i don't know a fucking thing about ALA it's because people like you don't fill me in. you horde it, like junkies, like blackmailers, waiting to pounce on my ignorance like a cat on a mouse. and any attempt to gain knowledge was frowned upon, that i didn't need to know things like that. nice.

so my message to the people who fired me at ALA: karma's a bitch. and i hope that you never need to get a job at a place where i am working. but you wouldn't ever think that could happen. a low-life like me could never get to a position where i could have a say in matters like future hires. you are both so very stupid.