kids

i want feedback on this, but i'm not going to get any on this site.

so, when i see kids, i feel nothing. i babysat my friends kids on saturday. i worked in tandum with a friend, so i wasn't alone. but i really didn't feel anything. i see these kids on my way to work, on my way home and i just don't care about them. even if they're cute. my friend is aching to have kids... she was even hoping to babysit alone this weekend. she's all about the kids. but i just don't want to deal with them. i didn't lose my patience this weekend, which was good. they were never out of control. i even rocked the 1-year-old to sleep. it was pretty peaceful, but i really didn't feel too maternal. it's just something that i did so he wouldn't wake up later. they are just a lot of work. or maybe i'm just scared about the deeper committment they mean. once you have kids, you are tethered to the man you had them with forever.

i just don't get it. do i want them? i just don't think so. i am just not sure.