watch out for yer cornhole, bud

i am scheduled for a colonoscopy on monday. the procedure i'm not too worried about. hell, i've had fillings filled without novacaine, so going in my back door isn't that big of a deal. it's the prep that i am not looking forward to. i can't eat any solids. and, as marge said when homer had his jaws wired shut, "[to Homer] Oh, dear, you can't eat solid foods. [to Hibbert] Those are his favorites!"

so, after torturing myself with nothing with consistency, i get to take some sort of crap-inducing liquid. not only is everything in my system already going to be liquid, i get to make myself evacuate every last drop in me. hurrah! so. very. disgusting.

i've found some literature online regarding this procedure. this doesn't fill me with confidence: "Consider using petroleum jelly around the anal opening prior to starting your bowel prep and after each bowel movement to minimize irritation." fanstastic.

so i am going to keep an online journal on my blog to tell of how this procedure is going. i'm already getting nervous. telling me not to eat is like telling a junkie he can't chase the dragon.

i'll keep you all abreast of my evacuations. until next time...