it wasn't seeing my ex at the restaurant tonight that bothered me. it was the fact that he was there with about 10 of our old friends. it was the looks on their faces when i asked them what they were there for and they looked at themselves uncomfortably as they fumbled for words. they were there for his birthday and i was there for a friend's going away party. it's a small world and it's not the first time i've seen him in chicago at other times. it's really not a big deal. it's the friends he got to keep and i lost.

that i had planned on having a big birthday party that i was going to invite all these old friends to, but decided not to, because i didn't think they would come. nothing is worse than planning a party that no one come to. but he gets to plan this party and have all those people come. i just miss having people to hang out with, to chat with, to connect with. and some of those people i really connected with. but you split up and you lose more than one relationship... sometimes you lose them all. and i can deal with that... when it's not rubbed in my face. tonight it was. and it's no one's fault.

so there were three big parties at this restaurant, ours, jim's, and some girl with whom i currently work. i knew practically everyone in that damn place. everyone who came in the door i was saying hello to. it was really weird.