dreams

i wish my brain would keep the past in the past. last night, i had a dream about one of my ex boyfriends from about 15 years ago. but he wasn't physically him, he was really an old friend that i have never had sexual attraction to, which made the dream really awkward. like the romantic attachment to the past and to a person i haven't spoken to in 13 years was there, but then when he wanted to get close, it was kind of a revulsion. and i'm in no way saying i'm still attracted to this person, but it was very odd. it was like having a dream in which your husband is physically a brother. barf.

but at one point in the dream, we were walking around a town and he started to have chest pains. ok, the ex is only 2 years older than i, but the friend is about 15+ years older. but i was thinking, wow, you really haven't taken care of yourself over the years. but having seen the ex's car filled with crumpled fast food bags, this really wouldn't be a surprise in real life. anyway, despite protests, i grabbed his iPhone (of course) and dialed 911. i got some dispatch officer on the line and told them of the situation and she said that it wasn't a big deal and that she wasn't going to send an ambulance. nice!

i feel it's a comment on how i am getting older and almost to the point where my friends are going to start having to deal with poor health. our parents are already having to deal with this crap, but a friend dropping on the sidewalk because of a heart attack isn't something i can deal with yet. it's difficult to separate the two, friend v boyfriend, but it seems that this could happen to either one of them.

also, back at the apartment of the ex, it wasn't any apartment i'd ever been in in my life, but in my dream, it was his old college apartment. but it smelled dank and musty, like no one had been there in years. it was just really creepy.

gotta love dreams.