mmm... solids
today i had my colonoscopy. i have one comment to make to the lovely people at illinois masonic hospital: after having shat my brains out for the last 12 hours, the last thing i want to wipe my bunghole with is that crappy, one-ply sandpaper you claim is toilet paper in your bathrooms.
can you believe that? i mean, this whole part of the hospital devoted to back-end care, and they have 300 grit toilet paper probably bought in bulk from aldi. what the fuck? they should have aloe-coated lambswool for my ass after all that i, and the other people who are unfortunate enough, have been through.
after that agonizing bathroom break, they prepped me. this consisted of them putting those annoying prong in my nose, putting an auto-inflated blood pressure cuff (those are so annoying as they are often so tight when they inflate that they cut off the cirulation to your arm), and giving me an IV. the IV was cool. so were the drugs they gave me. they put me out, but not as out as i would have liked. i felt them pumping air into my colon. word of advice: if anyone asks if they can pump air into your colon, SAY NO! it is so uncomfortable and let's face it, downright painful. but they gave me more medication and it didn't seem so bad after that. it felt like the procedure took about 5 minutes, so all that verced must have finally kicked in.
afterwards, i drove home (don't tell the docs) and i went to bed. and slept for 3 hours. it was great.
i have pics of my colon from the doc that i'll post tomorrow. i bet you can't wait!
can you believe that? i mean, this whole part of the hospital devoted to back-end care, and they have 300 grit toilet paper probably bought in bulk from aldi. what the fuck? they should have aloe-coated lambswool for my ass after all that i, and the other people who are unfortunate enough, have been through.
after that agonizing bathroom break, they prepped me. this consisted of them putting those annoying prong in my nose, putting an auto-inflated blood pressure cuff (those are so annoying as they are often so tight when they inflate that they cut off the cirulation to your arm), and giving me an IV. the IV was cool. so were the drugs they gave me. they put me out, but not as out as i would have liked. i felt them pumping air into my colon. word of advice: if anyone asks if they can pump air into your colon, SAY NO! it is so uncomfortable and let's face it, downright painful. but they gave me more medication and it didn't seem so bad after that. it felt like the procedure took about 5 minutes, so all that verced must have finally kicked in.
afterwards, i drove home (don't tell the docs) and i went to bed. and slept for 3 hours. it was great.
i have pics of my colon from the doc that i'll post tomorrow. i bet you can't wait!
posted by mikraas at 1:12 PM
1 Comments:
"if anyone asks if they can pump air into your colon, SAY NO!" <-- wise words, indeed.
come ON, though - who on the internet HASN'T seen your colon?
*runs, laughing maniacally*
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