heart rate monitors are trying to kill me

i haven't been talking a lot about my weight watchers journey because... well, because i've been packing like a bastard. but here's how it's been going:

crappy.

i lost .4 pounds the first week. then i lost 3.4 pounds, due to water reduction, if you know what i mean. then the next week, i lost .4 pounds. yeah, .4 pounds. why do they even bother recording it? then, yesterday, i gained. .6 pounds. so, i said, "fuck this" and i went out to dinner with scott and ate a cheeseburger and we split a dessert. but i can't just give up. but today starts the week before my hormonal angst, which means that i want to eat everything in site.

so... today i worked out. i decided i would do the elliptical machine. i got on and hit "fat burn" workout. i started working out. but the screen didn't change. i busted my ass for about 5 minutes before i realized that i needed to hit one more button before it would register my workout. so i did that. then it said, "will increase resistance until heart rate is acheived." so i put my hands on the metal thingies that are supposed to register my heart rate. no reading. i kept huffing it, no reading. i broke my ass for about 5 more minutes before it hit me: the damn things don't work. what's the fucking point?

so, now my heart rate was up to about 200, but the machine didn't know that. it kept increasing the resistance. ahhhh, modern technology. i eventually cancelled that "fat burn" workout and just used the manual mode.

even when i try to work out, it's a failure. maybe some day it'll work.

now if you'll excuse me, i have to go cram my maw full of splenda-filled, chemical-based treats.