all you can do is laugh

a long time ago, like in 1996, i found out my boyfriend of 3 years had been lying to me about having cancer. when i found out, all i could do is laugh. it was so ridiculous that i couldn't even do anything else. today, that feeling is coming back. how much worse can it get? at this point, all i can do is laugh. and realize, in the big picture, none of this means anything. because it's all just a fucking game that i've been losing since i was 15. so. be. it.