i'm baaaaaaack!
i bet you're all wondering where the hell i've been these last few weeks. i know from personal experience that there's nothing more annoying than having some time to waste, checking your favorite blog and find that it hasn't been updated since Watergate. but i have a reason. a damn good reason, too!
my laptop screen died. dammit.
but, on a stroke of good karma, it was covered by some sort of recall from apple, even though my laptop is 2.5 years old. the down-side to this was that i had to reliquish it for an entire week. but now i have my addiction back and can blog about the injustices i see everyday. and there are many:
1. today is the 3 year anniversary of the Lincoln Park Porch Collapse, or LPPC, as we locals like to call it. yes, the news found 30 seconds of their time, within the east coast flooding and west side murdering, to talk about the fatality of 13 drunk frat boys and trixies who decided to jump up and down on a wooden back porch with 20 or so others. society will certainly feel the loss of those potential stockbrokers and trophy wives.
2. using kids to exploit cleaning products. have you seen that one where the kids are using their ultra-cute, high-pitched voices to say, "i don't know how not to get sick" and "i think samonella is some kind of dinosaur." oh, for christ sake. here, kid. eat this dirt. it will make your immune system stronger. oh, wait. no, we're supposed to put our kids in some sort of plastic bubble so they never, ever get sick and then die from an under-developed immune system. and you can teach your kid not to pick his nose and eat it and not to lick the raw meat juices from the package. but other than that, lysol ain't going to help your child from dipping his toothbrush in the toilet.
2b. that dumbass commercial that starts "you wouldn't let your child eat off the sidewalk. but your kitchen table could be covered with million of illness-causing bacteria." something tells me that if that person's table hasn't EVER been cleaned, they aren't too concerned with where their child is eating. oh, wait. i always wrap up my dog poo gifts on that kitchen table. damn, they're right.
2c. OUST. my most hated of all commercials! "it gets rid of bacteria in the air." ok, people, listen up. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BACTERIA IN THE AIR. airbourne bacteria is the stuff that you sneeze out, and that doesn't smell like anything. what they're talking about is when you shit and it stinks, or when you throw away that bad chicken and the kitchen smells like death. but let me tell you something.... no matter how much of that OUST you spray, that small ain't never going away WITHOUT YOU GETTING RID OF WHAT'S MAKING THAT SMELL! and those poor, dumb, deluded housewives deserve to smell that cat turd for all it's worth if they believe that by spraying that useless crap in the air that it's going to get rid of that smell for good.
ok, i think i've offended enough people for one sitting. but be on the lookout for the following posts: getting pregnant doesn't mean it's open-season on eating 283642837 calories a day; no, your child isn't that cute so shut him the hell up; cars, they're making them shittier these days.
have an excellent morning.
my laptop screen died. dammit.
but, on a stroke of good karma, it was covered by some sort of recall from apple, even though my laptop is 2.5 years old. the down-side to this was that i had to reliquish it for an entire week. but now i have my addiction back and can blog about the injustices i see everyday. and there are many:
1. today is the 3 year anniversary of the Lincoln Park Porch Collapse, or LPPC, as we locals like to call it. yes, the news found 30 seconds of their time, within the east coast flooding and west side murdering, to talk about the fatality of 13 drunk frat boys and trixies who decided to jump up and down on a wooden back porch with 20 or so others. society will certainly feel the loss of those potential stockbrokers and trophy wives.
2. using kids to exploit cleaning products. have you seen that one where the kids are using their ultra-cute, high-pitched voices to say, "i don't know how not to get sick" and "i think samonella is some kind of dinosaur." oh, for christ sake. here, kid. eat this dirt. it will make your immune system stronger. oh, wait. no, we're supposed to put our kids in some sort of plastic bubble so they never, ever get sick and then die from an under-developed immune system. and you can teach your kid not to pick his nose and eat it and not to lick the raw meat juices from the package. but other than that, lysol ain't going to help your child from dipping his toothbrush in the toilet.
2b. that dumbass commercial that starts "you wouldn't let your child eat off the sidewalk. but your kitchen table could be covered with million of illness-causing bacteria." something tells me that if that person's table hasn't EVER been cleaned, they aren't too concerned with where their child is eating. oh, wait. i always wrap up my dog poo gifts on that kitchen table. damn, they're right.
2c. OUST. my most hated of all commercials! "it gets rid of bacteria in the air." ok, people, listen up. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS BACTERIA IN THE AIR. airbourne bacteria is the stuff that you sneeze out, and that doesn't smell like anything. what they're talking about is when you shit and it stinks, or when you throw away that bad chicken and the kitchen smells like death. but let me tell you something.... no matter how much of that OUST you spray, that small ain't never going away WITHOUT YOU GETTING RID OF WHAT'S MAKING THAT SMELL! and those poor, dumb, deluded housewives deserve to smell that cat turd for all it's worth if they believe that by spraying that useless crap in the air that it's going to get rid of that smell for good.
ok, i think i've offended enough people for one sitting. but be on the lookout for the following posts: getting pregnant doesn't mean it's open-season on eating 283642837 calories a day; no, your child isn't that cute so shut him the hell up; cars, they're making them shittier these days.
have an excellent morning.
posted by mikraas at 8:41 AM
2 Comments:
Welcome back. So, did the yuppies win or what? Are there legions of chino wearers marching through the streets spraying Oust on parked cars and tearing down adverts for Wicked?
Omfg you are killing me.
Ya know I tell my kids that God made dirt and dirt won't hurt. A nice mud pie never hurt anyone.
There are some parents who just freaking kill me with the "oh don't touch that, ooh let me get the hand sanitizer" good hell it's a wonder they ever leave their steri-homes.
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