10 million things wrong
so, here are the things that are going wrong at the moment:
1. i still haven't procured my flowers. evidently, florists think that i'll shell out $125 for a bouquet of 15 roses tied with ribbon. think again.
2. my dress is a death-trap. i got this brilliant idea to try it on with the shoes and all the jewelry to see how the whole thing looked, if the dress length was ok, etc. well, this isn't a dress that you can try on solo. it laces up the back. not only that, but if you lace the entire thing up, you can't get into it. there's no way to make the laces loose enough for it to go over the head and past the shoulders. it took me about 10 tries to figure that out, though. not to mention it was about 10,000 degrees in the apartment (i went over to annette's to feed her cat while she's in ireland and thought i could kill two birds with one stone) and there was no cross-breeze. and the eye-hook on the back kept getting caught in my hair. i was getting VERY ANGRY at this stupid, overpriced piece of fabric and now want nothing to do with it.
after i managed to get it on, with only 2 of the lace holes actually engaged with laces, i almost couldn't zip up the 5 inch zipper in the back. that's what i get for trying to lose weight... i gain it. it never failes. i got the zipper up (i think the dress was too low, not being laced up and all), but i couldn't find the microscopic loop of thread that the eye-hook goes into. and i fear that i won't be able to make those meet if i don't severely truncate my diet NOW. i ripped it off (not without incident, of course) and kicked across the hallway, almost landing it in the cat's water dish and food bowl. and i really didn't give a fuck.
3. my veil isn't done. and i have no desire to finish it.
4. the necklace i finally found for the damn dress is too long. it hangs right on top of the top of the dress. yet another thing i'll have to fix.
5. my shoes are too high, but there's nothing i can do about that, since the length of the dress was determined by the height of the shoes.
6. the vows aren't solidified.
7. i'm really not looking forward to my dad and my sister being in the same state.
8. my car is going to be packed with bride, groom, dress, suitcases for both, acoustic guitar and speaker system. on the way back, it will be pack with gifts from the wedding. i expect my face will be smashed against the car's windshield as i drive.
9. it's about 60 degrees in my office right now. my finger beds are blue.
10. last, but certainly not least, i have PMS. and i hate and/or don't care about a damn fucking thing right now. all i want is this fucking wedding to be over so i don't have to think about it ever again.
oh, i forgot...
11. our photographer is MIA. scott's tried to contact him via phone (disconnected) and email (no reply). he's around as he's signed into myspace in the last few days, but he hasn't replied to our requests for contact. and i'm NOT shelling out $1847629756345 for another goddamn photographer. fuck the wedding industry. as i said to my mother last night on the phone, "is it because i'm a bride that i have to bend over the counter and fucked up the ass with a huge, black dildo?" her reply: "yes."
i wish i had the time and money to sue every business that vaulted it prices just for the wedding industry. but if i had that kind of time and money, i wouldn't care about how much i was paying for this fiasco. weddings are for idiots.
and i'm not looking for solutions from anyone, i'm just bitching. and i don't want to think about this for the rest of the day, or tomorrow, or the next day. so don't bother replying.
1. i still haven't procured my flowers. evidently, florists think that i'll shell out $125 for a bouquet of 15 roses tied with ribbon. think again.
2. my dress is a death-trap. i got this brilliant idea to try it on with the shoes and all the jewelry to see how the whole thing looked, if the dress length was ok, etc. well, this isn't a dress that you can try on solo. it laces up the back. not only that, but if you lace the entire thing up, you can't get into it. there's no way to make the laces loose enough for it to go over the head and past the shoulders. it took me about 10 tries to figure that out, though. not to mention it was about 10,000 degrees in the apartment (i went over to annette's to feed her cat while she's in ireland and thought i could kill two birds with one stone) and there was no cross-breeze. and the eye-hook on the back kept getting caught in my hair. i was getting VERY ANGRY at this stupid, overpriced piece of fabric and now want nothing to do with it.
after i managed to get it on, with only 2 of the lace holes actually engaged with laces, i almost couldn't zip up the 5 inch zipper in the back. that's what i get for trying to lose weight... i gain it. it never failes. i got the zipper up (i think the dress was too low, not being laced up and all), but i couldn't find the microscopic loop of thread that the eye-hook goes into. and i fear that i won't be able to make those meet if i don't severely truncate my diet NOW. i ripped it off (not without incident, of course) and kicked across the hallway, almost landing it in the cat's water dish and food bowl. and i really didn't give a fuck.
3. my veil isn't done. and i have no desire to finish it.
4. the necklace i finally found for the damn dress is too long. it hangs right on top of the top of the dress. yet another thing i'll have to fix.
5. my shoes are too high, but there's nothing i can do about that, since the length of the dress was determined by the height of the shoes.
6. the vows aren't solidified.
7. i'm really not looking forward to my dad and my sister being in the same state.
8. my car is going to be packed with bride, groom, dress, suitcases for both, acoustic guitar and speaker system. on the way back, it will be pack with gifts from the wedding. i expect my face will be smashed against the car's windshield as i drive.
9. it's about 60 degrees in my office right now. my finger beds are blue.
10. last, but certainly not least, i have PMS. and i hate and/or don't care about a damn fucking thing right now. all i want is this fucking wedding to be over so i don't have to think about it ever again.
oh, i forgot...
11. our photographer is MIA. scott's tried to contact him via phone (disconnected) and email (no reply). he's around as he's signed into myspace in the last few days, but he hasn't replied to our requests for contact. and i'm NOT shelling out $1847629756345 for another goddamn photographer. fuck the wedding industry. as i said to my mother last night on the phone, "is it because i'm a bride that i have to bend over the counter and fucked up the ass with a huge, black dildo?" her reply: "yes."
i wish i had the time and money to sue every business that vaulted it prices just for the wedding industry. but if i had that kind of time and money, i wouldn't care about how much i was paying for this fiasco. weddings are for idiots.
and i'm not looking for solutions from anyone, i'm just bitching. and i don't want to think about this for the rest of the day, or tomorrow, or the next day. so don't bother replying.
posted by mikraas at 9:52 AM
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