things that i've learned from TV

this is what TV is teaching me:

1. lysol thinks that the toilet needs to be surgically disinfected.
2. lysol thinks that kids play in the toilet. regularly.
3. people must lick or play with toilet wands, as they have to be flushed away to oblivion once you use it. you can't even leave it in the trash can! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING LEAVING IT OUT IN THE OPEN? WHERE A CHILD COULD PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH??? here comes DCFS, thank god.

enough with the bathroom... here's more of what TV has taught me:

4. disinfectant companies cannot display a products use without explaining that the life of a child is at stake if you fail to use this product.
5. it's the same with car companies. YOU WILL BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLE PARENT IF YOU DON'T BUY THIS MINI-VAN WITH STOW-AND-GO SEATS!! YOU HEATHEN!
6. only women care about the well-being of a child.
7. only women can clean or vacuum.
8. only women want to lose weight.
9. people cannot possibly meet people without the help of a third party. if you've met your significant other by means other than the internet, you're just living a lie.

ok, yes, i've been watching a lot of crappy tv. but let's face it... the only people who are home during the day are women breeders or unemployed losers. and i will admit this one thing: i would feel less useless sitting around if i had some spawn to take care of.