i officially hate christmas songs
here is my top 13 list of my most hated christmas songs. i tried to put them in descending order, from most hated to least hated, but, to be honest, i think they could all be #1.
1. The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
i CANNOT stand this song. the lyrics, And so I'm offering this simple phrase/To kids from one to ninety-two, and And ev'ry mother's child make me want to stick an appetizer fork in my ear. so what you're telling me, Nat, is that my 96-year-old grandmother doesn't deserve to have a merry christmas? oh, and who gives a shit about fathers! it's the lamest, dumbest song i have ever heard. and i have to hear it every damn day from november to january.
2. Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
i would rather listen to the barking dog jingle bells song over and over than hear this song once. of course, working at crate and barrel has prevented me from knowing if that's true.
and i think they should have done a Top 5 musical crimes perpetrated by Paul McCartney in the 80s and 90s in High Fidelity. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins... is it better to burn out or fade awaaay?
3. Give Love on Christmas Day - The Jackson Five
i think it's sad that Michael Jackson sounds the same now as he did when he was five.
4. White Christmas - Bing Crosby
i like to think that Bing isn't singing about snow. or at least not precipitation snow.
5. Silver Bells - Johnny Mathis
he sounds like he's in a coma while he's singing this song. and who says people aren't responsive when they're brain dead?
6. Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives
i'm thinking Burl (if that is your real name) hasn't been subjected to constant christmas advertising and horrible christmas music in every store he walks into.
7. Jingle Bell Rock - Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell
this song was cool for me for about 8 minutes when i was six years old.
8. All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth - Spike Jones
that's funny... all i want for christmas is your front teeth, too.
9. It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas - Perry Como & The Fontaine Sisters
yes, it's starts to look a lot like christmas around september these days.
10. Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
ah, Eartha. you peeked when you allowed yourself to be in those Old Navy commercials.
11. Here Comes Santa Claus - Gene Autry
i think this one got burned out for me the 1923712983 times i had to sign it for those goddamned christmas pagents in elementary school.
12. Jingle Bells - Singing Dogs
this is far down on the list because it has a funny simpsons connotation to it. if you know of what i speak, then you probably hate christmas as much as i do.
13. Frosty the Snowman - Gene Autry
gene sang non-christmas songs, too, right? right?
to look at a list of top 101 christmas songs (which means there are more than 101 christmas songs out there *sigh*) and lyrics, click here.
1. The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
i CANNOT stand this song. the lyrics, And so I'm offering this simple phrase/To kids from one to ninety-two, and And ev'ry mother's child make me want to stick an appetizer fork in my ear. so what you're telling me, Nat, is that my 96-year-old grandmother doesn't deserve to have a merry christmas? oh, and who gives a shit about fathers! it's the lamest, dumbest song i have ever heard. and i have to hear it every damn day from november to january.
2. Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
i would rather listen to the barking dog jingle bells song over and over than hear this song once. of course, working at crate and barrel has prevented me from knowing if that's true.
and i think they should have done a Top 5 musical crimes perpetrated by Paul McCartney in the 80s and 90s in High Fidelity. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins... is it better to burn out or fade awaaay?
3. Give Love on Christmas Day - The Jackson Five
i think it's sad that Michael Jackson sounds the same now as he did when he was five.
4. White Christmas - Bing Crosby
i like to think that Bing isn't singing about snow. or at least not precipitation snow.
5. Silver Bells - Johnny Mathis
he sounds like he's in a coma while he's singing this song. and who says people aren't responsive when they're brain dead?
6. Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives
i'm thinking Burl (if that is your real name) hasn't been subjected to constant christmas advertising and horrible christmas music in every store he walks into.
7. Jingle Bell Rock - Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell
this song was cool for me for about 8 minutes when i was six years old.
8. All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth - Spike Jones
that's funny... all i want for christmas is your front teeth, too.
9. It's Beginning to Look Alot Like Christmas - Perry Como & The Fontaine Sisters
yes, it's starts to look a lot like christmas around september these days.
10. Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
ah, Eartha. you peeked when you allowed yourself to be in those Old Navy commercials.
11. Here Comes Santa Claus - Gene Autry
i think this one got burned out for me the 1923712983 times i had to sign it for those goddamned christmas pagents in elementary school.
12. Jingle Bells - Singing Dogs
this is far down on the list because it has a funny simpsons connotation to it. if you know of what i speak, then you probably hate christmas as much as i do.
13. Frosty the Snowman - Gene Autry
gene sang non-christmas songs, too, right? right?
to look at a list of top 101 christmas songs (which means there are more than 101 christmas songs out there *sigh*) and lyrics, click here.
posted by mikraas at 7:43 AM
2 Comments:
You've obvioulsly not heard "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas" have you?
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