mode: panic

my boss called me into her office this morning to tell me that my contract, which is up february 6, isn't going to be renewed. she said that she tried to get my hired as staff, hired under another project, but nothing doing. so, as of february 6, i have no job.

so, between panicking and writing lists of people whom i can beg for a job, i have been trying not to cry like a baby. oh, and let's not forget the adding up bills and comparing them to the amount i have in my savings account. i'm not getting a severance and i'm not sure about unemployment checks.

what's really scary is that my next check will be my last. what the fuck? i was so happy yesterday. my boyfriend had come back from his vacation, i have never dreaded going into work. but today... i had no idea. my boss says, "you can go home now if you want. we'll just continue to pay you until the 6th." but i wasn't planning on this being my last day. so i told her that i would come in tomorrow and then maybe leave early. but then she said, "just be sure to turn in your badge." sigh.

so i cleaned out my desk and took all of the superfluous files off of my computer. i applied to as many jobs as i could on craigslist. i contacted a bunch of old work friends and some people who have done work for me in the past. i'm working the network like crazy. but it was an odd sense of deja vu. but there will be no one else leaving with me. there will be no goodbye party or anything like that. i don't even know if anyone will know that i'm gone for good. i've thought about telling my boss that i want to come in for the duration and take off if i need to go to an interview or something. i don't want to just sit at home, knowing that i can't do anything beyond what i'm doing already... sitting and waiting to hear back from people.

i just feel like a loser.