shameless work plug

OK, i work at a place that makes posters and bookmarks and stuff like that. i work on the catalogs that sell such stuff, so i get to see the cuteness that will be gracing people's walls around the country.

Now, i know i may be giving away where i work, but G*DDAMN, if this isn't the cutest poster i've seen in a long time:


i have this on my office door and every time i leave, i smile, because he's so damn cute. and the little worm talking about dinosaurs just KILLS ME.

he was drawn by Andy Runton exclusively for our sales team. cutest. owl. ever.

OK, shameless promotion is over.

enough of this obama crap...

let's get to the good stuff:
Free TV : Ustream

we have the same bike

scott and i have the same bike as Barack Obama. we are so cool!

ebola!

my belated christmas present from my friend annette was this.

they are now hanging off the back of my computer, looking at my tasty mucus membranes, wondering when they can make my eyes bleed. actually, they're really cute and soft. i'm sure people in africa would think differently, but hey. this america. nothing bad happens in america. now that bush is out of office.

last one, really.

i saw this on more than one blog, so i HAVE to do it.

One, Just One

1. Where is your cell phone? loveseat
2. Where is your significant other? couch
3. Your hair color? dyed
4. Your mother? hilarious
5. Your father? ambiguous
6. Your favorite thing? ipod touch (Samantha puts daughter. what a frivolous life i lead)
7. Your dream last night? chemistry
8. Your dream/goal? medicine
9. The room you’re in? living
11. Your fear? mediocrity
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? content
13. Where were you last night? class
14. What you’re not? Shy
15. One of your wish-list items? nothing
16. Where you grew up? tecumseh
17. The last thing you did? typed ;)
18. What are you wearing? sweats
19. Your TV? off
20. Your pet? snoring
21. Your computer? whirring
22. Your mood? headachy
23. Missing someone? no
24. Your car? black
25. Something you’re not wearing? leiderhosen
26. Favorite store? Target
27. Your summer? distant
28. Love someone? Always
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? everyday
31. Last time you cried? forgot

more!

the problem is Blogger posts the most recent at the top, so you won't know how many of these question/answer things i've posted until you scroll down about 7 entries.

1.) Do you get along with your significant other's parents? If you've never met their parents or if you're single, how did you usually get along with former SO's parents?

i love my in-laws and i think they love me. i always have a blast shopping with scott's mom when we visit, since she's stuck in a house with an anti-shopping man. of course, so am i. ;)


2.) Have you ever stolen a tip from a table while eating at a restaurant? If you saw someone doing this, would you speak up or pretend you never saw anything?

absolutely not. it's bad enough that they don't even make minimum wage, i wouldn't steal their tips. and i would probably say something if i saw someone taking tips off the table.

3.) Do you have any sexual fantasies that you’d never admit to anyone?

who doesn't?

4.) What smells do you find comforting?

vanilla, fabric softener, Curve cologne

5.) Do you ever resent your significant other for not earning more money? Do you ever find yourself jealous because your SO earns more money than you?

resent is a harsh word. i wish we made more money and i'm jealous of my friends who have married men who are well-paid. but you can't pick who you love.

6.) If you had to wear a Halloween costume for 3 hours a day, ever day, for the rest of your life, which would it be and why?

a barista. ;)


7.) Have you ever had sex with someone and kept a piece of their undergarments or anything else for any reason? Have you ever had someone want or try to keep something of yours?

no, but one of my exs snuck a pair of his boxers in with my laundry before he moved away. i found them after he was gone. i thought that was kind of cute.

1.) Have you ever stolen anything from a relatives house?

i don't think so. if i wanted something from my grandmother, all i had to do was ask.

2.) If you had to changed lives with a friend from your real life for a day, which would you choose and why?

i would be my friend, Bob, who is a senior designer on the new Ford Mustang. yeah, lucky bastard gets to test drive them any everything.

3.) Name at least one place where you would never have sex.

the grocery store.

4.) If you could change one personality trait in you significant other, what would you change and why?

sometimes he's more sarcastic than he thinks he is. we give each other a hard time about everything, jokingly, but sometimes it gets old.

5.) How important is the mood and setting to you when it comes to sex? (Do you need certain things to set the mood to really enjoy it, etc)

i can't have a migraine. that's about it.

6.) Which is worse, bad sex or no sex? Why?

bad sex.

7.) On a scale of 0 to 10, how much of a compulsive spender would you say you are?

i love returning things. :)

8.) Have you ever left a restaurant without paying the bill? Why?

no, that's just crappy.

yeah, i'm bored.

1. Why do you keep a blog?

it was to keep a record of the abandonded buildings we broke into, but it has since become a record of my maniacal rantings

2. Who is one long lost blogger you wish would come back?

i don't keep track of anyone like that.

3. If you made a New Year's Resolution, did you break it already? If you did not make one, why?

if you don't make any, they are hard to break.

4. People who still have their outside Christmas lights up. Festive or Lazy? Discuss.

lazy and white trash.

5. What is the last annoying song that got trapped in your head?

right now, it's "raindrops keep falling on my head" for our leaking ceiling.

6. Have you ever worn or tried edible underwear? What are your thoughts on it?

what is the point of wearing something if you're going to just take it off?

Bonus: If you could do one bad thing and get away with it, what would you do and why?

i have to say robbing a bank is a good idea. a big bank, that would have lots of cash.

more from samantha

These questions are all hypothetical scenarios. Read along and have fun! ANSWER HONESTLY!

1- Times are hard and you get laid off. You turn to the adult entertainment industry and decide to get into sexing it up on camera. You're now a porn star. Even though you now do porn for a living, you still hold on to a little morale, ethics and dignity. What are 3 things, sexually, that you rule out as absolutely not happenings no matter the amount of money?

Anything with bowel movements
Beastiality
Anything that I think would hurt!

but the most important thing is i would self-employed.

2- Pretend you spent a busy day running errands and come home in the afternoon when no one else is home. You come in, sit things down and head to the kitchen. You find a dead body laying in the kitchen floor. What would you do?

do i know them? this seem intentionally vague. i guess it doesn't matter. wait, it DOES matter. if i don't know them and they were trying to break into my house, i'd call 911 to report a dead intruder and stop at that. if i know them, i would check pulse, try CPR while calling 911. why bother trying to revive a stranger?

3- After some extensive testing, scientists found out you have a special supernatural skill that could be put to use to save 20,000 men and women all over the world. The only catch is after you use it, you will die. If you don't use it, 30,000 people will die but you'll still be alive and won't suffer any illness or strange side effects of your special supernatural skill. Are you willing to sacrifice your life for 20,000 people?

depends on who they are. republicans? not bloody likely. depeche mode fans? probably. are there 20,000 depeche mode fans out there these days?


4- You are at a concert. A fight breaks out and the person in front of you gets hit by the person beside you. They turn around and think it's you and no amount of reasoning will convince them otherwise. They are taller by several inches and outweigh you by around 50 pounds. You are about to get punched and possibly manhandled. How do you get out of it and avoid injury?

i pull out my 9mm and bust a cap in their collective ass.

5- You're having a dinner party with your close friends. One close friend asks if it is fine if they bring a date along. You ask your friend if their date is someone they trust to act well mannered and respectful to others. Your friend sings the praises of their date and you agree to let them bring their date to the dinner party. Once there, their date turns out to be crude, obnoxious, disrespectful and all around a real vile ass to be around. Do you tough it out and later apologize to your other guests? Pull your friend aside and tell them to reign in their date? Confront the friends date about their vile behavior?

it's not my fault this person is a dick. i would probably just call the jackass out on his behavior and ask s/he to leave. the friend can stay if they'd like.


6- You go to the grocery store and bump carts with a woman. She gets angry and chants at you in gibberish. She smiles, informing you that she has cursed you to never have sex again unless you pay for it. You roll your eyes and walk off. 2 years later and you haven't had any sexual contact with another person since that day. Do you start paying for sex or just never have sexual contact with another person again?

yeah, like that would ever happen. when you said "gibberish" i thought you meant "polish." heh-heh.

7- Your really good friend is going to their grandmother's house for dinner and invites you along. You make sure it is fine with their grandmother and she says to come along if you like, she has made more than enough food to feed you too. You go. While there, you accidentally break something extremely valuable to your friends grandmother. Do you hide it and pretend nothing every happened or come clean?

ok, this is where my character really shine through. did anyone see me? if not, and there was no chance it would ever come back to me, i would hide it or leave it where it broke. if there was no way it could have been anyone else BUT me, i would fess up. how's that for moral?

get to know me a little more...

1. Have you ever dated/married purely for money?

no, unless they have the whole package, money is incidental. bah.

2. What is your type?

the nerdy, funny, sarcastic, deceptively sexy type.

3. What is the best sex game you have ever played?

does Dirty Minds count? heh. my mom reads this blog.

4. Have you ever given or received an orgasm from a person whose last name you did not know?

OK, mabye i should have read this questionnaire before i posted it.

5. Have you ever masturbated in front of a sexual partner?

hey, mom! how are you doing?!

Bonus (as in optional):At what age do you think men and women reach their sexual peak? Do you think you have hit yours yet?

i never thought i'd say this, but my sex drive has kind of hit a low. the stress of "homeownership" has ruined it. i think guys are always horny. ;)

get to know me... some more!

i stole this from samantha. ah, how i've missed your blog, samantha!

1.) Do you drive with your hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel?

not even once a while. i have a 5-speed, so i have one had on the wheel, one hand on the shifter, one hand out the window flipping the bird, one hand texting. no, really.

2.) How long do you keep cards given to you on birthdays and holidays before throwing them away? If you don't throw them out, what do you do with them?

i keep letters forever. i keep cards if they are from a relative or if they have something funny written in them. i try to keep them organized in my many plastic totes.

3.) If, when you die, you could will any one of your characteristics to your children (child/future children), what would it be and why?

my sense of humor, confidence and quick wit. i guess that's three characteristics, but i think they all go together. i think there are enough spineless women out there, there doesn't need to be anymore.

4.) What is the best personality trait you got from your mother and the best personality trait that you got from your father?

i get my sharp wit and sarcasm from my mom and my easy-going attitude from my dad.

5.) What is something that you wish you had a better understanding of?

some people's inability to be open-minded

6.) What makes you nervous?

unpredictable people.

7.) What is the strangest household object that you have ever or would ever use for help in masturbation?

really? who came up with this question?

8.) What do you have sitting on the countertop in your bathroom?

scott's electric toothbrush, hand soap, toothpaste. we don't have much counter space.

enough of water damage...

let's look at our cute cats!

this sucks

does anyone want to buy a slightly used, damp condo?

photo retouching

being a graphic designer gives you the opportunity to have really cool programs at your fingertips. i don't get to use Photoshop very often in my job, so i decided to retouch a photo on my own. i downloaded this image from loc.gov and have done the preliminary touch-ups that can be done without taking serious amounts of time. i did this during my lunch hour. before is on the top.

a new member of the family

we finally brought the kitchen table home. isn't she precious?