more dreams

i was just remembering another dream i had the other night. it involved another ex, but this one i'm actually still on speaking terms with.

i had stopped by his house, where he was living with his girlfriend. in reality, he's engaged, with a wedding waaaay far off. they were living together, but i'm not sure if they're in the same state at the moment. anyway, he was so excited to tell me that "they were going to have a baby." i got SO ANGRY that i threw my keys against the window and broke his vertical blinds. i said, "i don't care if you're having a baby!" i think earlier in the dream, someone else was having a baby or just had one or something. i remember thinking that i'm being left behind. or rather, i am the only smart one and everyone else is delusional. or i was insanely jealous. i don't know what it was, but i was in a rage.

dreams

i wish my brain would keep the past in the past. last night, i had a dream about one of my ex boyfriends from about 15 years ago. but he wasn't physically him, he was really an old friend that i have never had sexual attraction to, which made the dream really awkward. like the romantic attachment to the past and to a person i haven't spoken to in 13 years was there, but then when he wanted to get close, it was kind of a revulsion. and i'm in no way saying i'm still attracted to this person, but it was very odd. it was like having a dream in which your husband is physically a brother. barf.

but at one point in the dream, we were walking around a town and he started to have chest pains. ok, the ex is only 2 years older than i, but the friend is about 15+ years older. but i was thinking, wow, you really haven't taken care of yourself over the years. but having seen the ex's car filled with crumpled fast food bags, this really wouldn't be a surprise in real life. anyway, despite protests, i grabbed his iPhone (of course) and dialed 911. i got some dispatch officer on the line and told them of the situation and she said that it wasn't a big deal and that she wasn't going to send an ambulance. nice!

i feel it's a comment on how i am getting older and almost to the point where my friends are going to start having to deal with poor health. our parents are already having to deal with this crap, but a friend dropping on the sidewalk because of a heart attack isn't something i can deal with yet. it's difficult to separate the two, friend v boyfriend, but it seems that this could happen to either one of them.

also, back at the apartment of the ex, it wasn't any apartment i'd ever been in in my life, but in my dream, it was his old college apartment. but it smelled dank and musty, like no one had been there in years. it was just really creepy.

gotta love dreams.

i guess i'm back

i have been thinking about stuff to blog about, but i haven't been very good about actually getting back online to post it. instead, i post truncated versions on my facebook page. but i think i may be officially back to posting my full opinions about things that are crucial to the integrity of the world.

my biggest opponent today: laziness.

almost every night, i lay in bed and think about all of the things i'm going to do the next day. it goes something like this: "i'll get up with scott (at 6am) and go out for bike ride or a long walk. then i'll come back and design those business cards. then i'll clean up the front yard, apply for jobs, rearrange the fridge, swap out my art bins, finish my nephew's birthday gift and then i'll take my laptop to starbucks and work on some stuff." sometimes solving world hunger and running for alderman are stuck in there, too. so it takes me a while to get to sleep.

then i wake up with scott, fall back asleep until 9am, lay around in bed checking my email and facebook on my iPod, shuffle in to the living room, turn on the TV, check facebook again, eat cereal, shuffle around some more, do the dishes, watch more TV, and wish I was more proactive.

this happens almost every day.

but now i think i'm actually going to go for a walk. after my ipod is done being updated.

more stuff

1. Where is your cell phone? in my ear
2. Where is your significant other? couch
3. Your hair color? dyed
4. Your mother? hilarious
5. Your father? cool
6. Your favorite thing? ipod
7. Your dream last night? strange
8. Your dream/goal? job
9. The room you’re in? den
11. Your fear? mediocrity
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? successful
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you’re not? Shy
15. One of your wish-list items? house
16. Where you grew up? tecumseh
17. The last thing you did? design
18. What are you wearing? sweats
19. Your TV? movie
20. Your pet? sleeping
21. Your computer? great
22. Your mood? good
23. Missing someone? no
24. Your car? silver
25. Something you’re not wearing? coat
26. Favorite store? joann
27. Your summer? loving
28. Love someone? Always
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? everyday
31. Last time you cried? fortnight

where to begin

i am still unemployed. i'm really trying to make the best of it, but it's really hard to focus on one thing and make it work. i've got nothing but options and none really seem to appeal to me. right now, i'm working with a woman on design projects, which is cool. at least i'm not letting my mad fat skillz go to waste. i'm also selling my knitting like gang-busters. sometimes i wish i had the patience to just sit and knit all day long, but alas, i don't. but i'm really happy where my knitting is going and i'm glad other people enjoy it, too. :)

then there's school. so. many. option. first, the medical field. i can't seem to slog through organic chem, so i think about what options are available to me without that particular class. i could be a nurse. eh. i could probably go into research, but how far can i get without a real science degree, including o chem? i could just do the biology thing. what could i do with that, tho?

then there's my current career. i could expand on that, i guess. i could take some design classes. meh. then there's photography. LOVE photography, but like design, i'm not all that great at it. sure, i have a good pic now and then, but i'm no ansel adams. and all of the classes at the community college would be something i've already learned. but to have the option to go back into the darkroom is very tempting. and i think the key to becoming a great photographer is just to take more pictures. so i try to bring my good camera with me everywhere i go.

then there's numbers. love numbers. i'm not just my condo association's treasurer for nothing. me and excel... we're like this. so i thought about applying at H&R Block to become a tax preparer. i'm not getting a job in my field, so why not? pay for the class ($149) and then voila! i make $7+ an hour to see how other people spend their money and tell them how they can keep more of it. i kind of like that option. it's just getting off my butt to sign up for the class. and to not feel like it's some sort of scam.

then there's a part time job. i've applied at starbucks, jewel, target. haven't heard a peep. i have an interview at Pivot Point on Thursday for a freelance position. i'm very curious as to how that job is going to play out. I'm looking forward to it, tho.

so, back on the unemployment bandwagon. another year's worth of dole money. let's hope i don't need it all.