issues
we bought a house. an older house. circa 1920. it's adorable and great and all that. but, as usual in older homes, there were some upgrades that make me wonder what the fuck the person was thinking when they did it. keep in mind that i am an OCD designer.
1. the kitchen. the cabinets might be original to the house. they've been painted about a million times, this off-white color. they're chipped, dirty and generally kind of disgusting. yet, the previous owners spent money on a HUGE fridge and laminate flooring. there is also a drop ceiling and one of those fluorescent lights. there is an electric stove with no exhaust hood. there is a HUGE window that is original to the house that (get this) doesn't even open. and the windows above the kitchen sink that do open are filled with bugs and spider egg sacks. yay. the garbage disposal gurgles up on the other side of the sink when you turn it on, leaving a ring of chewed up food.
2. the first full bathroom. it's right off the kitchen. because who doesn't love taking a shower while they're cooking a roast 5 feet away? seriously, you could grab a beer from the fridge while you were rinsing your hair. it's a completely functioning bathroom. the fan isn't strong enough to do anything with the moisture, which is probably why the previous owners left a new fan to install. the shower surround is one of those stupid plastic things you find in RVs that have little built in shelves that wouldn't even hold a bar of soap. the shower head is from 1960. there is no outlet in this bathroom, so if you want to dry your hair, you'll have to do it in another room. also, there is a strange window above the toilet that looks out into the stairwell to the basement. what the hell is that all about? unless you're over 6'5", you can't see in from the stairs, but still. what the hell were they thinking?
3. the living room and dining room. there are 9 windows in this expanse of room. 3 of them open. they are original to the house, wooden, and use weights to open them. most of the screens don't lock open and fall out when you try. but, for the most part, they just don't open. the floor is old and needs to be sanded and resealed. in the humidity, they get sticky. there used to be a rug in the center of the room, so the floors are different colors. oh, and the dining room floor is a totally different color altogether. there is also no coat closet. who the fuck builds a goddamn house and doesn't put in a coat closet? so now we have about three boxes worth of shit that will just sit there until we figure out what to do with them. and i can't wait to have all that wet, smelly shit hanging around out in my living room.
4. upstairs. there are three bedroom, a bathroom, and some mystery room upstairs. the light in the stairway doesn't work. there is a sconce at the bottom of the stairs that is turned on by a light switch right next to it. that's it. there isn't another switch to it upstairs. there is hallway light that actually works. there is a bank of lights that have been positioned on the wall crookedly and IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. seriously? how's about a using a level next time, chump? there is carpet on the stairs that is super dirty at the bottom and gets cleaner as you go up. there is carpet in all of the rooms except the bathroom.
5. the bathroom. what. the. fuck. it has a bathtub with no shower. there is 3 feet between each of the sink and the toilet and both of the front and back walls. there is a vent RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM. right in front of the toilet. there is some strange plaster wall treatment made to look like bricks up to about 5 feet up the wall, then it's painted sherbet orange. the toilet paper holder is 3 feet from the toilet. the tub drains like the plumbing is full of 100 years of hair. the pedestal sink is small, too small to really put more than a soap dispenser, and there is no counter anywhere. there is a medicine cabinet that might just be original to the house, with florescent lighting up both sides and a two-prong plug under it. it's pretty sweet, but it buzzes like a swarm of bees. and that outlet is the only one in the bathroom. the door also doesn't swing all the open because it bang into the half-wall that the tub faucet is built into. the whole room sends me into fits when i have to go in there.
6. the mystery room. i found out from a guy who used to live here that this strange room used to be a kitchen when the house was multi-unit. and now we've noticed a distinct odor of syrup in there. it has windows that are high up on the wall, wood paneling, and short brown carpet, like the kind you would find in a waiting room from the 70s. i have no idea what part of the house that room was before it was the world's smallest kitchen. right now, it holds our filing cabinet. it may hold a cat in the near future.
7. the attic. the attic is not finished. it has wiring that is original to the house, which i'm sure could burn this place down in a new york minute. other than that, it has nothing but two little wooden-framed windows that peek out over the 'hood. oh, and it's not insulated.
8. the basement. it's a full, unfinished basement. there is a laundry room (with no appliances as of yet), a work room, a large main room, and a small room we refer to as the Tiki Room. this small room has been paneled in strips of bamboo, cut in half and nailed to the walls. there is a shelf in there that has a Triumph with Foghat concert ticket laminated to it. it also has hooks hanging from the ceiling. it's a strange room.
the work room has water in it, leaking from where the wall meets the floor. it's probably because the drain on the outside of the house goes directly into the ground instead of away from the house. the large room has the water heater and furnace in it. the laundry room has a clothes chute, which is pretty cool. it's made of old bead board, so it may be original to the house. there is also a strange little closet down there that looks like a public bathroom at a forest preserve that used to be an old bathroom. and in the corner of the room, on the other side of the laundry sink, a makeshift shower. oh, and our electricity panel(s) are down in the laundry room. that will go in a later list.
we also have a front yard, which, as we figured out on Monday, is home to a hornet's nest. our front porch is awesome. our driveway is in need of some asphalting. the garage is old but has a new door that occasionally likes to open again on its own. there is a yard that half paved with asphalt from the driveway, the other half is grass of some sort. the only two trees are in the front yard, covered in bees.
there is also a back stairway that was probably put on in the late 20s or 30s. the door from the interior is on the landing to the stairs, which is hard to get open with the high-pile carpeting being in the way. the stairway down is encased in bead board with a window and a light fixture that's pretty old. it goes down to our back porch, but the door down there is blocked off with rocks so you can't open it. it has its own doorbell, which we're fairly certain doesn't work.
and then there's the electrical. we figured out that this house has had a partial upgrade at some point, probably in the 60s. some of the outlets are grounded, about one in each room. the rest of the outlets have three prong plug covers, but the third hole is useless (that's what he said). we also only have 100 amp service, which wouldn't be worrisome if every fucking appliance in this house wasn't electric. the stove (sigh), the AC, the water heater... it's all electric. oh, and the dryer, once we get one. anyway, i have dreams of updating our stove and dryer to gas, so maybe that would lower the load, but who knows how much that would cost. everything costs something.
oh, and then the cats. they're totally freaking out. i took Fin to the vet yesterday to get him looked at because he wasn't eating. now loki isn't eating. christ. like we need anymore stress.
anyway, we can only do one thing at a time. first unpack. then get the electricity fixed. then win the lottery. then redo the bathroom upstairs. then redo the kitchen. then have a nervous breakdown.
1. the kitchen. the cabinets might be original to the house. they've been painted about a million times, this off-white color. they're chipped, dirty and generally kind of disgusting. yet, the previous owners spent money on a HUGE fridge and laminate flooring. there is also a drop ceiling and one of those fluorescent lights. there is an electric stove with no exhaust hood. there is a HUGE window that is original to the house that (get this) doesn't even open. and the windows above the kitchen sink that do open are filled with bugs and spider egg sacks. yay. the garbage disposal gurgles up on the other side of the sink when you turn it on, leaving a ring of chewed up food.
2. the first full bathroom. it's right off the kitchen. because who doesn't love taking a shower while they're cooking a roast 5 feet away? seriously, you could grab a beer from the fridge while you were rinsing your hair. it's a completely functioning bathroom. the fan isn't strong enough to do anything with the moisture, which is probably why the previous owners left a new fan to install. the shower surround is one of those stupid plastic things you find in RVs that have little built in shelves that wouldn't even hold a bar of soap. the shower head is from 1960. there is no outlet in this bathroom, so if you want to dry your hair, you'll have to do it in another room. also, there is a strange window above the toilet that looks out into the stairwell to the basement. what the hell is that all about? unless you're over 6'5", you can't see in from the stairs, but still. what the hell were they thinking?
3. the living room and dining room. there are 9 windows in this expanse of room. 3 of them open. they are original to the house, wooden, and use weights to open them. most of the screens don't lock open and fall out when you try. but, for the most part, they just don't open. the floor is old and needs to be sanded and resealed. in the humidity, they get sticky. there used to be a rug in the center of the room, so the floors are different colors. oh, and the dining room floor is a totally different color altogether. there is also no coat closet. who the fuck builds a goddamn house and doesn't put in a coat closet? so now we have about three boxes worth of shit that will just sit there until we figure out what to do with them. and i can't wait to have all that wet, smelly shit hanging around out in my living room.
4. upstairs. there are three bedroom, a bathroom, and some mystery room upstairs. the light in the stairway doesn't work. there is a sconce at the bottom of the stairs that is turned on by a light switch right next to it. that's it. there isn't another switch to it upstairs. there is hallway light that actually works. there is a bank of lights that have been positioned on the wall crookedly and IT DRIVES ME CRAZY. seriously? how's about a using a level next time, chump? there is carpet on the stairs that is super dirty at the bottom and gets cleaner as you go up. there is carpet in all of the rooms except the bathroom.
5. the bathroom. what. the. fuck. it has a bathtub with no shower. there is 3 feet between each of the sink and the toilet and both of the front and back walls. there is a vent RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM. right in front of the toilet. there is some strange plaster wall treatment made to look like bricks up to about 5 feet up the wall, then it's painted sherbet orange. the toilet paper holder is 3 feet from the toilet. the tub drains like the plumbing is full of 100 years of hair. the pedestal sink is small, too small to really put more than a soap dispenser, and there is no counter anywhere. there is a medicine cabinet that might just be original to the house, with florescent lighting up both sides and a two-prong plug under it. it's pretty sweet, but it buzzes like a swarm of bees. and that outlet is the only one in the bathroom. the door also doesn't swing all the open because it bang into the half-wall that the tub faucet is built into. the whole room sends me into fits when i have to go in there.
6. the mystery room. i found out from a guy who used to live here that this strange room used to be a kitchen when the house was multi-unit. and now we've noticed a distinct odor of syrup in there. it has windows that are high up on the wall, wood paneling, and short brown carpet, like the kind you would find in a waiting room from the 70s. i have no idea what part of the house that room was before it was the world's smallest kitchen. right now, it holds our filing cabinet. it may hold a cat in the near future.
7. the attic. the attic is not finished. it has wiring that is original to the house, which i'm sure could burn this place down in a new york minute. other than that, it has nothing but two little wooden-framed windows that peek out over the 'hood. oh, and it's not insulated.
8. the basement. it's a full, unfinished basement. there is a laundry room (with no appliances as of yet), a work room, a large main room, and a small room we refer to as the Tiki Room. this small room has been paneled in strips of bamboo, cut in half and nailed to the walls. there is a shelf in there that has a Triumph with Foghat concert ticket laminated to it. it also has hooks hanging from the ceiling. it's a strange room.
the work room has water in it, leaking from where the wall meets the floor. it's probably because the drain on the outside of the house goes directly into the ground instead of away from the house. the large room has the water heater and furnace in it. the laundry room has a clothes chute, which is pretty cool. it's made of old bead board, so it may be original to the house. there is also a strange little closet down there that looks like a public bathroom at a forest preserve that used to be an old bathroom. and in the corner of the room, on the other side of the laundry sink, a makeshift shower. oh, and our electricity panel(s) are down in the laundry room. that will go in a later list.
we also have a front yard, which, as we figured out on Monday, is home to a hornet's nest. our front porch is awesome. our driveway is in need of some asphalting. the garage is old but has a new door that occasionally likes to open again on its own. there is a yard that half paved with asphalt from the driveway, the other half is grass of some sort. the only two trees are in the front yard, covered in bees.
there is also a back stairway that was probably put on in the late 20s or 30s. the door from the interior is on the landing to the stairs, which is hard to get open with the high-pile carpeting being in the way. the stairway down is encased in bead board with a window and a light fixture that's pretty old. it goes down to our back porch, but the door down there is blocked off with rocks so you can't open it. it has its own doorbell, which we're fairly certain doesn't work.
and then there's the electrical. we figured out that this house has had a partial upgrade at some point, probably in the 60s. some of the outlets are grounded, about one in each room. the rest of the outlets have three prong plug covers, but the third hole is useless (that's what he said). we also only have 100 amp service, which wouldn't be worrisome if every fucking appliance in this house wasn't electric. the stove (sigh), the AC, the water heater... it's all electric. oh, and the dryer, once we get one. anyway, i have dreams of updating our stove and dryer to gas, so maybe that would lower the load, but who knows how much that would cost. everything costs something.
oh, and then the cats. they're totally freaking out. i took Fin to the vet yesterday to get him looked at because he wasn't eating. now loki isn't eating. christ. like we need anymore stress.
anyway, we can only do one thing at a time. first unpack. then get the electricity fixed. then win the lottery. then redo the bathroom upstairs. then redo the kitchen. then have a nervous breakdown.
posted by mikraas at 12:05 PM
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