it could have been worse

last night, i was in office-supply heaven. i had dug out all of the stuff i had taken as consolation prizes from previous jobs to take to my new job. as i was digging and piling up what i wanted to take, i thought i'd get ready for the next day.

that's when i noticed my wallet was missing.

i had joined some friends around 4:30p for coffee and design talk at the starbucks in my new work 'hood. i had offered to pay for their drinks because i get a discount and i get to use my cool, plastic partner card. that was the last time i remember seeing my wallet.

i think what happened is it fell on the ground while we were at the table and later someone picked it up. when i realized it was gone (around 9p), and after freaking out, i called to cancel my credit cards. at this point, i wasn't sure if it was just lost or if someone had taken it. well, the kind people at visa told me that the last transaction was at Quiznos at around 7:30p. that wasn't me.

here is what they got away with:
* my driver's license. the only pisser here is standing in line to get a new one.
* my starbucks partner card, that i had waited 3 months to get
* my wamu check card
* $62.61 at starbucks
* $12.00 at circuit city
* my starbucks duetto card
* that what the quizno's was on. i don't know how much.
* 2 starbucks gift cards, one from a shareholder with a really cool picture on it and about $14
* a crate and barrel gift card with about $6 on it
* $14 in cash
* $14 in change (ok, maybe not that much, but it was a lot)
* my library card
* my ulta card with my name misspelled
* kinok's card with who-the-hell-knows how much on it
* all of the receipts for things i had recently purchased, including some stuff i wanted to return
* a few Gas-X strips, cinnamon flavored
* some business cards from my place of employ and a local pawn

i think that's it. i am really bummed out about the change (i had a lot of quarters and i was looking forward to counting it all) and the starbucks shareholders card. and the fact that i really like that wallet. my friend kristin had given it to me as a christmas gift and it was really cool. it had my initial on it and she had a matching one.

how it could have been worse:
* it could have been my wallet and my keys
* it could have been my bike (oh, by the way, my rear bike tire was stolen on monday)
* it could have been my iPod (18273194623 times worse)
* it could have been my laptop
* it could have been all of my notes from meals on wheels.
* i could have not JUST deposited a $600 check and it could have still been in there
* it could have been my sense of safety and human compassion. oh wait. they did take that.

oh, well. i hope who ever has it enjoyed their $62 starbucks purchase. all i know is that those people need a little learning on how to use stolen credit cards.

monday

it was my first day.

pros:
• they are very organized. i had a new hire orientation and handed in my paperwork. then my boss took me out to lunch and told me more about the job. then i had computer training on their network and servers and the like. well broken down and concise.
• i have an office. it's my very first office. it has a door. and a window.
• my boss and her boss are very cool people. very laid-back and easy to talk to. if i keep my head out of my ass, hopefully this won't change.
• it seems like a job i can do with ease.
• i think i may be being groomed to take my bosses job once she retires (projection date: 1.5 years)

cons:
• it was raining like a m*therf*cker outside today. i wore open-toe shoes and long pants. and it was humid. i blow-dried my hair and straightened it for no reason.
• i have to switch trains to get to work.

con con con:
• they are a PC design environment. the last time i used a PC was.... uh... hell, i've used a Unix machine more recently than i've used a PC. the last time i've used a PC was when we had a 386. i'll let that sink in while i go try to figure out what this red X in the corner of this window does.

the last day of my summer vacation

so, it's 9:49pm. sunday, 27 august. i start my new job tomorrow. i'd like to recap the summer (and a little farther back) and see if there's anything i'll miss by going back to the corporate world.

april 2004: got laid off. anger, loathing, panic. what the hell am i going to do? i got a good severance, but i can't possibly be successful without a company writing me a paycheck every week! i know i'll be getting unemployment, but who will evaluate me? grade me? tell me what i could do better? i spend every waking second on the job search. i don't enjoy the summer... i'm afraid to go out and spend money, for fear that one movie could land me one step closer to moving back in with my mom.

january: got laid off. panic, fear, relief. no severance because i was a contract employee. i had just started doing some freelance for a friend's company and it was going well. now he could have me full time. not to mention that i can now collect unemployment.

february: part-time employment, here i come! i apply at starbucks, thinking i'd never be qualified enough to sling java with the pros. my boss is thrilled i know what a porta-filter is, even tho they have a fully-automatic bar. i'm hired.

march: birthday. spring approaching. client is liking my work. i get more freelance work, but it's on-site. we end up watching the jon stewart show and the cobert report at lunch. it was totally awesome. plus i got to meet some of his crazy clients.

april: i buy a new bike and enjoy leisurely rides to the beach. i do my client's work on my couch with the windows open and the TV on. i set my own schedule.

may, june, july: blur. i move in with scott. unpacking, rearranging, cleaning takes up most of my time. i work some more for the freelance guy. i ride my bike to his place. on days when i don't work, i clean or go shopping for stuff we need. i say i'm going to cook more since i have the time, but i never really find that time. i apply for some jobs, they seem interested, but they just don't seem to fit me very well, even a well-paid marketing gig. i apply for one last job and say if i don't get this one, i'm hanging out my shingle for good and starting my own company.

august: i get that job. i start tomorrow. devine intervention, i guess. it's a good, stable, non-profit company that is known around the country.

i wish i would have:
done mroe photo shoots around chicago
visited my friends in michigan on a long vacation
marketed my talents a little more
not been so overwhelmed by the potential to be my own boss.
finished my simpsons trivia game

not that i don't have the time to do these things now. it's just that now i'll have less time. and i hate riding the train. especially the red line.

wish me luck!

since i'm a lurker on many other people's blogs and ashamed to admit it, i am going to lie and say i was "tagged," even though i'm nothing but a two-bit stalker. i got it off this blog.

1. A book that changed your life.
i am reading that Enron scandal book, and i seriously doubt that i could ever become as corrupt as those people, no matter how much money you threw at me. i don't know if it's changed my life, but i've learned never to use mark-to-market accounting practices for a utility-based trading company.

2. A book you've read more than once.
the rainmaker by john grisham. i know grisham is a hack writer, not unlike coontz and steele, but in this one the insurance company gets fucked in the end. (sorry about the spoiler)

3. A book you'd want on a desert island.
that influenza book, since i can't seem to find any other time to read it.

4. A book that made you giddy.
giddy?

5. A book you wish had been written.
a book about an over-weight heroine getting the guy without losing the weight.

6. A book that wracked you with sobs.
maybe not wracked with sobs, but "this much i know is true" by wally lamb has some really touching parts in it.

7. A book you wish had never been written.
"the horse whisperer" by evan something. what a piece of shit. poor, powerless housewife has to turn to big, emotionally, stunted cowboy to help her over the hump of her failing marriage. what a load of crap. no wonder there still isn't an equal rights amendment on the books.

8. A book you are currently reading.
do you want them in alphabetical order, or chronological? "fast food nation," "the smartest guys in the room," some others i can't remember. summer isn't a good time to read... to nice outside.

9. A book you've been meaning to read.
every classic on my shelf that was bought merely to impress my well-read, editorial friends.

10. Tag 10.
oh, scott. you know you're it.

i hate rich white people

and let me tell you why. 'cause i'm sure you're dying to know.

there is an increasing trend in the city of chicago. it is called "gentrification." this is a euphemism to mean, "rich people buying up cheap property where lower-income minorities live and putting pier 1, carabou coffees and cold stone creameries on every corner."

i hate this trend. probably because i'm poor and i'll never be able to afford a house in this city (or anywhere around it) because this is spreading like wildfire. tonight i dropped scott off at South Union Arts so he could see a bunch of his friends play for Midwest Nest Fest. i vaguely remember driving in this area a few years ago, tying to get a feel for the University of Illinois at Chicago campus. back then, it was sketchy, to say the least. but now, They've turned it into a fucking bland white paradise! it's totally awful! and instead of having a racial mix of people, you have white faces. everywhere. and the one black person was being harassed by the police. "sorry, sir. i know 3 years ago this is where you once had an apartment. but those rich white people came in, bought up all this property next to the Dan Ryan and kicked you out so they could build a Jewel and a Starbucks. you'll have to move along now." but where does he go? where does the last poor bastard who makes less than $50k a year go?? where do the artists, who live for their work and not for the almighty dollar, go??

i have come to hate the white faces i see now in what used to be "the ghetto." and what kills me is that some stupid asshole is going to think that, because they pay $849,000 for a single family home, they have bought themselves into prestige. but what they've really done is bought a fucking brick piece-of-shit right next to the loudest expressway in chicago. but it won't matter because their $5,000 morgage payment will reassure them that they've done the right thing, no matter how many accidents or sirens they hear.

i just don't get it.

this is why you shouldn't be an asshole on a bike

this is a trib article about a bike rider who got hit because he was weaving in and out of traffic.

again, i'll remind all of you bike riders: you have to obey traffic laws. i know it's a pain in the ass to stop at stop signs when there are cars, but i WILL hit you with my car if you don't stop and you'll be dead and i probably won't even get a ticket. i can't tell you how many jerk-off bike riders i've almost hit because they came whizzing out of no where right past my bumper. you are NOT a pedestrian. you are on the road, probably riding as fast as a car on those stop-sign-riddled side roads.

and if you think i'm just saying this because i hate people who feel that they don't have to pay attention, ask any cop. they'll tell you the same thing.

babies

as you might have learned from reading my blog, i am not a huge fan of breeding. and you might also have noticed that i have a strange stance on it... that sometimes i seem to completly hate breeders for their selfishness of over-populating the country, and sometimes i feel sorry for those who really really really want a baby, but can't seem to make one.

i read a few blogs whose main focus is infertility. some of the blogs i read deal with parenthood and its push and pull on everyday life. yesterday one such blog, i found this link to glamour magazine about being infertile in a baby-crazy world. they very, very, very briefly mention women who choose not to have kids, like me. and i have concluded that living everyday in this baby/kid-centric world sucks.

there are so many facets to this. after seeing scott's friends' baby last night, and my own friends growing their families, i wonder if in a few years i'll be looked at like some uncomplete woman who won't quite fit with her peers anymore, not being able to talk about those long nights of being covered in drool and vomit and first steps and training wheels. it hasn't really bothered me yet because most of my breeding friends are in michigan. and also city-dwelling women usually put their careers before breeding, so most women who are having babies are older than me. but there is a strang shift happening: people on the news who are doing something significant with their lives are now YOUNGER than me. people who are running for office, becoming big-name doctors, writing important books... some are in their late 20s. and now some of women who are coming into starbucks with their quivering infants are also that age. i realize that my decision to not have kids is more than just cosmetic, but will i look immature to those who decided to take that plunge? what will i have to show for myself when i'm too old to do anything else? i don't see myself becoming a huge and great graphic designer. and somedays i really doubt i'll be able to make that trek to being a doctor. right now, i just feel like i'm just existing for no particular reason. and it's weird to read on this blog that she now feels that her job, which used to be very important to her, is now pretty far down on the totem pole to raising her kid. it's a strange thing that i might understand, but that probably many, or maybe all, of my friends will.

i realize you don't make the decision to have kids based on having a conversation piece, but will there come a time when i'll be left behind emotionally? that it won't matter that i have made the decision based on facts and my own needs NOT to have a child, that i will still be left feeling like someone who is infertile? that i will have no impact on anyone or anything in this world? maybe that's why people have kids: because they feel they have something to offer the next generation. or maybe just to feel important to someone in this over-populated, no-name, unfriendly world.

now if you'll excuse me, i have to watch this commercial of jamie lee curtis dressed up as a pirate.

another thing...

i'm kinda tired of this instant-gratification, overly-simple society we live in. i was just in the kitchen getting a glass of crystal light tea (i believe in crystal meth because there are ants eating my face) and i saw the Raisin Bran box on the counter. it says, "eat two bowls and lose 10 pounds!" and then in really tiny letters "the heart healthy way." the deal is you eat a bowl of this for breakfast and a bowl for lunch and then a "sensible dinner" and you'll lose 10 pounds in two weeks.

ok, Post, here's the REAL deal: if i could pare down my caloric intake to 570 calories for the first 12 hours of the day, i wouldn't need to eat your shitty cereal to lose weight. i mean, come on. and like it's heart-healthy to ingest nothing but bran and sugar for two meals for 14 days? who the hell is writing this stuff? and YOU KNOW some fatty out there is trying his/her damnedest to do this and failing miserably because s/he keeps passing out at work around 3pm from lack of energy.

here's the key to losing weight. you ready? here it is:

eat more fruit and veggies and get off yer ass. stop pounding the sodas and chips. and don't give me that "i hate diet soda" crap. you want to drop dead of a heart attack by the age of 45? keep it up. one 12oz. serving of mountain dew is 170 calories. you pack away 2 or 3 20oz. bottles a day? that's 566 or 850 calories... of nothing but sugar.

the reason this shit pisses me off so badly is that i'm still in weight watchers. i've lost about 10 pounds. and it's been a complete struggle. i LOVE sugar. especially when it's in chocolate form. but i've sacrificed a lot to cut down. like buying WW and skinny cow ice cream and drinking decaf diet soda. but i hate most vegetables and could eat my whole day's worth of points as 100-calorie-pack fudge stripe cookies (that's 10 packs, by the way). so when i see fat people feeding their fat kids wendy's double stacks and a large fry and a 40oz. cup of dr. pepper, i just want to slap them. how hard is it to get a side salad? or to get a grilled chicken? it just annoys the fuck out me. because i want to eat that crap, too. but i don't want to look like them.

general bitching

so, i have a lot of time to waste. i spend it mostly out of the house, trying to find various things to make my life easier. i have many things on this list, probably only because i have a lot of time on my hands to figure out that i need these things to make my life easier. anyway, here is some of that list:

a dresser (as my $20 kiwanis dresser is falling apart)
a bike basket
clothes for my new job
books on how to save money

because i'm trying not to break the bank, i'm trying to find the cheapest way possible to fulfill these needs. so that means finding the dresser, the clothes and the books second hand and the bike basket somewhere in the vicinity of the city of chicago (preferably the northside).

so i rode my bike the other day to the targhetto to find a bike basket. they had had one there before for $20, maybe they'll still have them in stock. no. they had no way of carrying anything on your bike that wasn't smaller than a water bottle. oh, they had little white plastic baskets with flowers on them. evidently they think that anyone who needs to carry anything on a bike must be under the age of 10.

so i go to sportmart. they must have something for bikes. they're a goddamn SPORTING GOODS store, right? no, they didn't have a damn thing. they had one of those shelves you can put over your rear tire that would support a milk crate, but no actual bags or baskets. then i asked one of the male, muscle-bound employees there if they had climbing equipment, as i was thinking with a mesh basket and a few carabiners, i could rig something up. THEY DON'T HAVE CLIMBING EQUIPMENT. ok, i know that the closest thing to a mountain here in illinois is Wilmot in wisconsin (which is 230 ft.), but say i was planning a trip to mt. rainier and i wanted to buy some climbing stuff before i left. I COULDN'T DO IT AT SPORTMART. fuck them. i guess if all i wanted to do was get FAT and play GOLF all fucking day, that's the place i'd go.

so then i go to on the route, which is a cycle shop on lincoln. they had THE BASKET I WANTED. but it was ALREADY SOLD, according to the slip inside. i asked if they had anymore. of course not. i've only ridden all over God's green fucking earth on my FUCKING BIKE, why would you have what i wanted. so i left.

and then i gave up. i'll have to order the damn thing online.

and the dresser search has been equally unsuccessful. i've been to three salvation armys, two brown elephants and countless antique/second-hand stores. nada. if i was willing to spend $300, i'd have a pretty sweet dresser. if i was willing to spend that, i could have had one from target a long time ago. that's not the point. i have seen pretty sweet dressers at the salvo for $60-80—when i didn't need one. but now that i need them, the salvo on broadway and montrose has a butt-fucking ugly dresser from the 60s for $280. hello????? you're the goddamn salvation army. you want to sell that? put it down to $80 where it belongs and then the poor-ass sons of bitches who shop there can afford it. assholes.

that interweb is a strange thing

so, i was looking online at property in Wisconsin (with delusions of granduer that maybe someday i can have a home away from the city) and i came across the strangest flashback... my grandmother's house. i thought the address seemed familiar, but i couldn't confirm. i sent it to my mom and she agreed that yes, that was her old house. it's just so weird to see a house that is so engrained in your memory from childhood painted an unrecognizable color and the interior totally different. and how dare the new tenants remove that orange shag! i remember when she got that "new" carpeting and we couldn't eat or drink anything in the living room where the new carpet was. heh. good times. i also remember when she got new furniture and immediately covered it in plastic. i think it's some kind of time-release genetic make-up... when you turn 60, you start to cover things in plastic and doilies. mom, if that ever happens to you, i'm going to stage an intervention.

if any of you are curious, here is the link to my grandma's house.

i'm not really reading

that influenza book. i mean, i was, but now i'm reading fast food nation but i'm too lazy to put that little book cover image on my ameritech server and swap out the flu one.

i've also checked out The Smartest Guys in the Room. i knew a little about what was going on when it was all happening. greedy fuckers. they deserve all the ass raping in jail they can get.

anyway, i feel bad everytime i load my blog and i see that book, mocking me, calling me a liar. so i thought i'd let y'all know.

happy belated anniversary

i've been so bored lately that i didn't even notice this amazing milestone: i've been blogging for one year.

yes, i know it's amazing. my first post was on 2 August 2005. amazingly enough, it wasn't posted on company time.

in the past year, i have started a coffee shop, ended a coffee shop, broken in to a few abandoned buildings, lost a lot of pets, and gained a few loyal readers. maybe it made me fall from McGraw-Hill's grace, maybe it brought me and my current squeeze together (actually, i think it was craigslist, but that's another post for a later date), maybe it cheered a few people up, maybe it angered a few people. all i know for sure is that i wasn't sure how it would go, if i would even like blogging. i wondered, "who the hell would read this crap?" in response to that, i'd like to give a shout out to those of you who have encouraged me:

scott: you're the reason i started this whole blog thing in the first place.
shannon, my bitter rampage are only rivaled by yours. i'm surprised when we get together, we don't create a black hole of hate.
liz: i miss sitting next to you and talking about everything sucks.
sue: i'm glad that i could make you laugh so hard, you cried.
jenni and charlie: i'm glad that even from 300 miles away, you can read about how my single, unchild life is going. and i can read about your married, 3-kid, knitting life on your blog, as well.
erin: i got to read about your short-lived life in Columbia, MO and your triumph over knitted sock heels. i'm glad we've kept in touch.
mcgraw-hill: with that one link to that christmas double door performance, i probably sealed my fate. but i still think you're all cool and maybe even still reading this thing for shits and giggles.
samantha: your woes in Rhode Island made me wish better for a total stranger. but you love and laugh right through it all.
chuckieeverdapper: your ramblings make me laugh out loud. in a sea of useless blogs about families and morals, you stand out and are permanently bookmarked in my browser to hell.

i'm sure there are others. like my mom and, more recently, kristin and rudy. thank you guys for wanting to read my useless crap and coming back for more.

stay tuned for more hilarity and anger. i'm sure there's more on the horizon.

gainful employment

to those of you who have wondered if i'd ever get a real job and get up every day and sit behind a desk and do the souless work of another corporation, the answer is now obvious:

yes

i had interviewed at the American Library Association a while back. it went well, but then i had to take a computer test. it was multiple choice on a PC for programs such as InDesign, Illustrator, Photoshop, Dreamweaver. oh, and i also had to take a grammer/editing test. for those of you who use these programs on a daily basis, i want you to tell me now where you would find the window to change regular quotes to smart quotes in InDesign... without looking in the actual program. yeah, not easy, huh? that's what i had to do. and i thought i did pretty poorly. i got 91% in illustrator, 88% in InDesign (not bad, for only having used it less than a year), 77% in Photoshop (what the hell are alpha channels anyway?) and 67% in Dreamweaver (to which i almost whooped out loud, i was so pleased). but then i took the grammer/editing test. "how many mistakes are in the following sentence?" i don't fucking know. then they have answers like, "a) 1, b) 3, c) 4, d) 6. and i would find 5. WTF? i got 54% on that puppy.

i thought that sealed my fate as never going to be employed by the ALA. but nope. they called and asked for my references (whom they actually called!) and asked for my education verification (which they actually cared about!). they really check out their potential employees. and then they offered me the job.

i start on 28 august.

so no more sitting around, watching the clock tick. no more day trips to Meals on Wheels. no more shopping at target and salvation army when there aren't 800 people there. but i'm glad that this time, i used my unemployment as a vacation from corporate hell. i've found that i could keep myself afloat with freelance jobs and could do it again should this employ not meet my standards. but i think i'd like benefits and the knowledge that one day i may be able to afford to purchase property in the city of chicago. so i will be gainfully employed.

hopefully it won't suck. cross your fingers.

to keep cool...

the national weather service has recommended that we all lay in our cast iron clawfoot tubs.