Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

uh, because i look both ways before crossing the street?

no, really. i have no idea. i had a close encounter with death at the age of 22 when i ruptured my spleen but didn't know it. i went to sleep and slowly bled internally. by all accounts, i probably shouldn't have woken up, but alas, i did. 6 hours and an ambulance ride later, i wound up in ICU for 6 days. good times.

other than that, i think i'm just lucky. living in this city, i'm sure the age expectancy drops precipitously.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I'll have to do this one when I have more time.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

it would have totally changed the direction of my life from where i am now, but i really wish i would have moved to california in 1997 when i had the chance. i'm sure it would have led me to a divorce before the age of 25, but hey, you would have only lived once.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

i wish i hadn't overlapped in some of my relationships. it is officially called "cheating" but most of the relationships were well on their way out, which is why i chose to indulge in extra-curricular activities. not one of my proudest past attributes.

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

go to the hospital and hope she's in good enough condition to hear my apologies. i'm not one to hold a grudge.

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

believe it or not, i've never done drugs of any kind nor have i been drunk. but i have no problem with others doing them. i have no problem with marijuana, i think it should be legal. i think alcohol should be regulated more than it is and i think drunk drivers should get much much stiffer fines and jail.

i'm not a big fan of the harder drugs, like cocaine and heroin. and i really hate it when people abuse prescription drugs on the basis that "it was prescribed by a doctor." all excuses.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

They are both so corrupt, it's hard to trust anyone who is deeply involved in either one. but i try not to hold it against people... unless they prevent people from living their lives the way they want. like gay marriage.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

I'm all for it. They should be able to suffer along with the rest of us legally hitched people.

The only reason that people don't let gay people marry is that "they don't like it." well, there's a lot of stuff i don't like, but i don't force other people to think the same thing i do.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

This Much I Know is True. it's about a brother and his schizophrenic identical twin. it made me view mental illness in a much different light.

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

advertising. i don't need some madison avenue asshole telling me what i should spend my money on. i mute commercials or turn them off entirely. take that, marking vultures.

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

knitting.

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

america. hands down.

dear america,

you were once great. you once protected the small and the weak. now you just make the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. you let us drown our sorrows in crappy TV and marketing gimmics that make us spend our hard-earned money instead of save it.

the politicians are taking over this great country and ruining it. taxes line politician's pockets instead of going to the things they should be going to. and the programs that are supposed to help those in need are the first ones to get cut in favor or military spending or the war on drugs.

you make me very sad, america.

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

i'd have to say when i got mad and pissy when i was younger, i would listen to "assimilate" by skinny puppy. really loud.

as i got older, it became "daisy chain for satan" by thrill kill kult. the screaming one. again, very loud. i'm sure these two songs prevented me from being arrested for assault and battery several times.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Wondering what this is all about? Go here.

my ability to cut down any one at any time. not a very handsome trait, i imagine. but sometimes it does make people laugh.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

there are quite a few things i get complimented on, which is nice. my photographs. my designs. my sense of humor. my ability as a friend.

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Wondering what this is all about? Go here.

given my propensity to hold onto people, there aren't a lot of these types of people in my life. these types of people are mostly professional relationships that i couldn't choose. and the one person i wish i had never met is my old boss, Karen.

i feel that i've written a lot about her in this blog. i'm still pissed as hell that she put her personal feelings in front of professional ethics. she flexed her managerial muscles because she could. because it was easier than her having to change her methods. because it was easier to deal with me.

she was a terrible boss, handled people poorly and it reflected on how i viewed her. and she knew it. too bad she couldn't just get past it.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Wondering what this is all about? Go here

Since I moved a lot when I was younger, there were a lot of people I didn't want to let go. But then I wouldn't have met a lot of the people I have over the years.

i think one friend that i have drifted from is one mr. jeff paul. this is the man that ruined me for all of my future bosses forever and ever. he trusted me and gave me the room to do what i wanted (within reason, of course) and he valued my opinion. we also would talk about everything and anything-music, sex, food, people, work, relationships. i was always invited when he went out and he introduced me to the non-student ann arbor. he also taught me about printing and customer service.

we kept in touch after i moved. we would talk every week or month or so, for hours at a time. he came to my wedding with his girlfriend and we still kept in touch after that. we would talk about how she wanted kids and he really really didn't. she's catholic and he's jewish. but then he just kind of... drifted... away. he called me a few months ago, i returned his call a few weeks after that (maybe a lot longer). the last i heard was that he and ann were going to go to the ren fair in bristol and he would call me later in the weekend. that was 3 months ago.

i know people drift apart, they may not have the every-day things to talk about. things change and so do people and we're forever stuck as that person you were 10 years ago. oh, well. we'll always be friends.

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

Wondering what this is all about? Go here.

i had an ex who lied to me about having cancer for 6 months. every day, i thought he was going to die in the very near future, especially when he would leave my roommates messages like, "Dave called. He said he's going into the hospital and that he loves you very much." then i'd frantically call every hospital in the NW chicago suburbs trying to find him. i lived in ann arbor, MI, at the time, so i ran up $400+ phone bills every months talking to him. he told me that he bought me an engagement ring and wanted to marry me.
he got so hard to deal with that i broke it off. he didn't have any friends, wasn't going to school and was barely working. he had nothing to contribute to the conversation other than how much he loved me, which got pretty old after a while. after we broke up, he threatened suicide. he got all of my friends in the chicago area (and one of my A2 roomies) all in a bunch, driving him around while he contemplated killing himself. finally, we called his parents and the truth came out.

it's still inconceivable that someone who claims they love you can do something as horrible as lie about having a life-threatening illness. i haven't seen him since the unveiling of the truth (15 years ago) and i always wonder what i would do if i ran into him. punch him in nuts? smile and say hello? laugh out loud (he was really funny before he became obsessive)? who knows?

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Wondering what this is all about? Go here

Hands down: my husband. i always worried that i would have hide a part of my outrageous personality in some way in order to find someone who was willing to marry me. that, or just not get married, which i was fine with as well. i wanted to find someone that i didn't have to nag, argue with, or just sit and wonder what the hell he was thinking. someone who was comfortable in his own skin. i also wanted someone who was independent and didn't have a hard time cutting the apron strings from mom and dad.

i thought i would have to compromise on at least one of those things (and many more issues that were important to me), but with Scott, i didn't have to give up a thing. he is everything i want in a spouse and then some. i cannot imagine living my life without him.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

i hope i never have to identify anyone's body in the morgue.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

weigh 120. ha! just kidding (see Day 3)

i'll need to come back to this one.

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

my old boss.

i hate her for firing me. i hate her for firing me for no real reason other than i wasn't married to the job like she was. yes, i made mistakes. but evidently making mistakes had a double-standard-she could make as many as she wanted, but i couldn't make any. and one of the reasons she fired me was because a 2-day UPS package didn't get there on time. it was just a bunch of excuses to get rid of me because she didn't like me.

i am trying to forgive her for being a shitty manager. it may take a while, though.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

being overweight. i'm not fat, per se, but fatty. i have been struggling with this for a long time, but recently (since i've started certain meds) i've gained more weight. and every time i look in the mirror or go clothes shopping, i hate myself just a little more. and i need to forgive myself for that.

and again, see Day 1. i have very poor follow-through.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

yeah, i'm behind. see Day 1.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

i am very outgoing when it comes to people. i'll talk to anyone. i think it's the product of my having moved a lot during my formative years. i can make friends with anyone.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

30 days of truth. why not? i saw this on another blog and thought I'd give it a try.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

i hate that i have no willpower. i have tried losing weight, saving money, doing large projects, but i just get overwhelmed with how much of a long-term commitment they all are. i find it hard to think outside of my own box. when i'm hungry, i'll eat the first thing that i see or buy the first thing i'm craving. when i think i need to save money, i'll not spend any money for a while, but then there will be something i want and i'll just buy it without thinking about it. i suck.