Eleven Things

This post is inspired by my friend, erin. She listed 11 things her life does not need in 2011. It seemed a useful exercise, but I tried and found it difficult to come up with stuff i DON'T need rather than stuff I need. so i'm going to turn it around and post what i need MORE of in 2011:

11. More working out
i need to get off my butt and be more active. this applied to almost every aspect in my life, but i'm talking about working out in this one. i've signed up for personal training and i've already canceled two sessions because it sucks for my out-of-shape body. this leads me to #10.

10. More contact
i want to keep in touch with friends more in 2011. last year, i blew off calls, emails, letters. there are friends that i haven't spoken to in years that i wish i was still in contact with. it seems if they're not on FB, then i'm not talking to them. i would like to write more letters and make more calls.

9. More volunteering
for the last two years, i've been saying i'm going to volunteer. and i still haven't done it. because it's inconvenient to me and my couch-sitting. but i'm tired of dreaming about it and i just need to set something up somewhere so i can fulfill this goal.

8. More organizing
i'm sure everyone says this. we live in a very small condo, so we're as organized as we're going to get at this point. but i keep dreaming about getting rid of some furniture, rearranging, putting up shelves, moving stuff around. but because i don't live alone and when i bring this up to the Husband he seems less than enthused, i don't do it. but for my own sanity, i need to start doing something.

7. More healthy eating
again, the Husband doesn't need to worry about weight gain like i do, so i eat the way i want to eat (like him) rather than eating the way i SHOULD eat. of course, this leads to the problem with #7.

6. More planning
i don't know how i became like this, but i can't seem to plan for more than a day out. this includes dinner, working out, going out. but then, i hate last minute plans. i need to plan more meals to help with my eating habits and spending. i need to plan my knitting so i can be prepared next Christmas. wow, that seems SO far away, so it seems ridiculous to me. Like December 2011 will NEVER BE HERE. this is my problem. This runs into #7.

5. More patience
when i am doing something i really don't want to do, i get this tight feeling in my chest and i start to get annoyed. this is usually when i think that throwing in the towel will be more satisfying than continuing. but this is my short-term brain talking to me. i need to tell that part to shut up and i need to keep going. 'cause nothing good ever happens overnight.

4. More tolerance
i have a very sharp tongue that i use when i am in a bad mood or when see something that i find annoyingly different. like a girl wearing Uggs with a short skirt in June. i feel if that girl is going to look THAT ridiculous in public, then she deserves to overhear my snide remarks or catch my scathing glance. really, this has to stop. i'm not talking about turning into Mary Poppins, but i need to try and ignore what i don't like.

3. More follow-through
this goes along with Erin's "Less excuses." when i say i'm going to do something, i need to just do it. my brain tries to come up with several reason of why i won't like it rather than looking forward to it just because it takes me out of my comfort zone of the couch. like working out. like going out for New Year's.

2. More long-term goals
this also goes along with #10 and #9. i have a hard time doing the same thing day after day after day (if it doesn't involve sitting on the couch). i can't work out every day. i can't eat right every day. yet making plans for the week or month just seems so impossible. like when my trainer said "this workout plan is just for two months." ugh, i have to work out for two months?? i would rather he say nothing at all. so i need to make some small goals and reach them to show myself that it's not a death march.

1. More action
like an example in #4, i need to take more action. just because the Husband doesn't want to do something doesn't mean that i shouldn't do it. living together with someone in a shared environment always calls for compromise, but i feel like if he doesn't jump with joy at my suggestion, then i shouldn't do it. but putting up a shelf or buying a mount for our flat panel TV really isn't compromising anyone living conditions. but i feel that if i do something and it's a failure, he'll make fun of my relentlessly. and i hate that.

A repost from 2005.

I guess I've been posting for over 5 years now. i use the term "posting" lightly here, since i've been lax in posting this last year or so. but here's one from my first blog Christmas that stands the test of time:

here is my top 13 list of my most hated christmas songs. i tried to put them in descending order, from most hated to least hated, but, to be honest, i think they could all be #1.

1. The Christmas Song - Nat King Cole
i CANNOT stand this song. the lyrics, And so I'm offering this simple phrase/To kids from one to ninety-two, and And ev'ry mother's child make me want to stick an appetizer fork in my ear. so what you're telling me, Nat, is that my 96-year-old grandmother doesn't deserve to have a merry christmas? oh, and who gives a shit about fathers! it's the lamest, dumbest song i have ever heard. and i have to hear it every damn day from november to january.

2. Wonderful Christmastime - Paul McCartney
i would rather listen to the barking dog jingle bells song over and over than hear this song once. of course, working at crate and barrel has prevented me from knowing if that's true.

and i think they should have done a Top 5 musical crimes perpetrated by Paul McCartney in the 80s and 90s in High Fidelity. Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins... is it better to burn out or fade awaaay?

3. Give Love on Christmas Day - The Jackson Five
i think it's sad that Michael Jackson sounds the same now as he did when he was five.

4. White Christmas - Bing Crosby
i like to think that Bing isn't singing about snow. or at least not precipitation snow.

5. Silver Bells - Johnny Mathis
he sounds like he's in a coma while he's singing this song. and who says people aren't responsive when they're brain dead?

6. Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives
i'm thinking Burl (if that is your real name) hasn't been subjected to constant christmas advertising and horrible christmas music in every store he walks into.

7. Jingle Bell Rock - Chubby Checker & Bobby Rydell
this song was cool for me for about 8 minutes when i was six years old.

8. All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth - Spike Jones
that's funny... all i want for christmas is your front teeth, too.

9. It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas - Perry Como & The Fontaine Sisters
yes, it's starts to look a lot like christmas around september these days.

10. Santa Baby - Eartha Kitt
ah, Eartha. you peeked when you allowed yourself to be in those Old Navy commercials.

11. Here Comes Santa Claus - Gene Autry
i think this one got burned out for me the 1,923,712,983 times i had to sing it for those goddamned christmas pagents in elementary school.

12. Jingle Bells - Singing Dogs
this is far down on the list because it has a funny simpsons connotation to it. if you know of what i speak, then you probably hate christmas as much as i do.

13. Frosty the Snowman - Gene Autry
gene sang non-christmas songs, too, right? right?

the great lost art of publishing

i want to publish children's books. and i don't mean i want to go the way of Jamie Lee Curis or Madonna and write cloying, sickly-sweet, nauseating kids fiction books. i mean i want to design and print real educational children's books like i used to. no more of this "ancillary-this" or "curriculum-that." no "what does the sales team think" bullshit. nothing but an author, an editor, a designer and a printer. one book at a time. no flash cards, no posters, no state standards. no teacher's editions, student editions, black line masters.

kids have been reading since the dawning of the written word. i don't understand why publishers have made it so fucking complicated to teach kids to read. you know how to teach a kid to read? READ THEM A FUCKING BOOK. every day. every night. all the time. buy them books to read. take them to the library. it's so damn easy and we make it so hard, with state standards, state adoptions, leveled-readers, decodable books. i learned about the kn- sound by having someone READ IT TO ME. you don't need to devote an entire TE chapter to it.

the only thing that holds me back from this is the ability to sell them and make money. i could publish all i want right at this moment... i know how to do it from start to finished book. but who would sell them and not tell me "oh, can you make that font on the cover pink instead of green?" anyone out there?

and how would i pay them? could i get a grant to make reading and publishing easier? all of the business models make me want to puke. i'm not out to grow 400% in two years. i need five people at most in the beginning. maybe 10 in the next 5 years. i do not want to acquire any larger publishers, nor do i want to be bought out by a larger publisher. i want to page layout for kids that doesn't require rubrics or graphs. remember pictures? i haven't designed with full color photos in 5 years. unless you count marketing pieces, which i don't. there is nothing educational about marketing.

anyone who is reading this probably knows why i feel like this. i am trying to relive my first job. maybe some people think i'm trying to relive my mid-20s. but it's more about getting back to the basics of reading. having good, decent books to read to kids. that kids would want to read. and i'm tired of applying to companies that either aren't hiring or don't want me. National Geographic? yes, i would LOVE to work for them. their Evanston office is more editorial than design. oh, and a lot of publishers are sending design overseas. you know what? i'd rather go broke paying local designers $10 a page than to ship my stuff overseas to save a few bucks and spend 90% of my time trying to tell them how to do a damn decent job.

i just want a job i enjoy again. i enjoyed learning while i worked. that happened to some extent at ALA, but i don't really have any applicable reason to use MARC records or how to catalog my reference department.

another thing i would avoid like the plague is this constant need to have interactive bullshit online. the only thing that would be online is the catalog. and maybe some web sites that have to do with the subject at hand. no ereaders, no leap frog, no interactive anything. pick up the book, turn the page. that's how one should interact with a book.

the printed page is becoming obsolete. maybe i shouldn't invest in a dying medium. or maybe by doing this, we can keep it alive.

where do i begin?

if you were a kid, what kind of books would YOU like to read?

christmas

i don't know why we do this to ourselves. the second the month of december rolls around, we panic, making lists, buying crap we, and other people, don't need. meanwhile, we have a kitchen that needs fixing, a car that needs a new passenger side door and cats that need to go to the vet more often.

sometimes it's exhausting living in a capitalist society... buying, buying, buying. and why? because in the fourth century, some bishop named Nicholas liked giving stuff to the poor. it has nothing to do with Jesus, although the church will have you think otherwise. but instead of giving to the poor, we're buying plastic toys made in china for our kids to play with for about 5 minutes before being discarded for a cardboard box. i don't know when our priorities became so messed up. when did giving charity become the chump thing to do?

anyway, i'm stressed out because i still have all these gifts i've been forced to buy. i try to be good and not spend a lot of money, but then i get worried i'm going to come off as a cheapskate. so then, right at the end, i end up spending money on crap that no one wants.

sometimes i hate this time of the year.

The louder my biological clock ticks, the more i think of the past. looking forward doesn't offer me anything.

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

meh. i don't think so. i'm not that type of rah-rah person, so i'll let this one go.

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

i don't know. i'm fairly depressed right at this moment, so it's hard to be objective. i would like to finally lose that 20 pounds i've been struggling with for the past two years. i guess you can file that under "follow-through."

i find myself sliding out my previously established black-and-white world and things are slowly turning to gray. the things is, it's uncharted territory. things i was totally against 2-3 years ago don't sound so bad right now. things i would have judged people for don't seem so important today. i just wish i could say, "i'm going to change this about my life" and have the ability to do it without ruining any relationships or dynamic.

i would stop being so afraid of what i can't control and just do it, sink or swim.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Wondering what this is all about? Go here.

OK, I'm waaaay past my Day 28, but i'm determined to finish this.

If i got pregnant, i would be scared out of my mind. but because of choices made in a previous life, i would keep it and plow through with determination, laudenum and booze. i can't fuck up any more than sarah palin or the menedez parents, right?

my husband, on the other hand, would probably rather leave me than deal with the outcome. to each his own. he thinks having kids is akin to having your life sucked out of you with a vacuum. that i'd immediately make him get rid of anything that he might enjoy, because now that we have kids, you aren't allowed to have any fun or time to yourself ever again. sell your guitars, we need the second room "for the baaaaaaby!" fuck that. those words would never come out of my mouth. i hate simpering mothers enough to know better than that. i have this strange thought that if you try really hard, you really can get some sleep. you can take a shower. you can leave the house. i know, what do i know? you know what i know? i know that that kid won't remember a fucking thing until it learns to talk. it won't remember whimpering in it's crib while you took 2 minutes to pee. i mean, when did having a kid mean you have to give up EVERY OUNCE OF SELF-PRESERVATION?

i've said it before and i'll say it again: there is no Mother of the Year award. i know martyr sounds an awful like mother, but let's get some damn perspective, please.

anyway, i would keep it, i would name it something out of the IKEA catalog, and let every single useless female judge me all she wants. go fuck yourselves.